Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is DH being a dickhead, not me?

181 replies

ReallyMadHatter · 03/04/2022 21:54

Is DH being a dick or am I? (also, I know there are bigger problems in the world)

We're doing up the house slowly due to money, and as part of changing the kitchen colour scheme I bought a set of 4 lovely glass cups, they will be displayed on a rustic shelf I've ordered that has 4 cup hooks. Took me ages to find the perfect colour for a reasonable price as well. They are also practical to use, make me feel happy when I'm wfh drinking my cuppas and I just really love em (that might be sad of me but hey ho).

So, DH whilst washing up, smashes one of them. My heart sinks (yes, really) but I hold off saying anything while Dh is cleaning the glass up as I know it was an accident/I don't trust myself not to be sharp/he's visibly annoyed at himself that he's done it

15/20 mins pass by, no apology, he comes in with a brew for us, turns football on and starts discussing something else. I say, You broke one of my new cups. He then gets in a huff and an argument ensues. He says he doesn't need to say sorry as it was bought on joint card so he's technically only broken what's ours?! Eh?! I say wtf are you on about, regardless of who's bought it if you break something that someone cares about (even if you think it's daft) you say sorry straight away! He says I can buy another who cares. I say that's not the point? We have a child and I don't take spending unnecessary money lightly. Also, why would you not just apologise!

AIBU - It's only a cup, I should get over myself.

Or is DH BU: He should have said sorry to start off with and have done with it.

If you can be arsed to read further, here's some more context:

  • generally we have a very good relationship. He's a fantastic dad, has done every night wake with me and regularly facilitates me seeing friends or going to the gym a couple times a week as do I for him. We have lovely family time on a weekend and he's banging in bed to be blunt.
  • However he has a big ego when it comes to apologies in particular (he's very anti authoritarian and perceives me as the authority in the home, which I suppose I can be at times) and will often try and find pointless loopholes rather than admit he's wrong
  • he's broken glass things before because he's so frigging careless! And just says buy more, without seeming to get that I hate spending pointless money and that it's the principle sometimes

NB: I also inflamed the situation above by calling him a bellend when he refused to say sorry

OP posts:
Queenofthebrae · 03/04/2022 21:58

YABU. It was a cup, accidents happen. I'd say if your DH broke something that was solely yours then yes a brief apology would be in order but I think you're overreacting a bit here.

TheSnowyOwl · 03/04/2022 22:00

I’d see it as a household item rather than something that specifically belongs to one of you. So I think YABU.

stairgates · 03/04/2022 22:00

I think maybe yabu, you know inside he is cringing so maybe just let it go at the time. I bet if it wasn't mentioned he would say sorry on his own when he felt it was a safe time almost if that makes sense

Original poster
ReallyMadHatter · 03/04/2022 22:01

@stairgates I do get that, I was fuming in the heat of the moment and so upset at wasting money.

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 03/04/2022 22:02

Am apology would have been nice.

Findahouse21 · 03/04/2022 22:03

YABU, I think that asking an adult to apologise for a mistake is infantalisingg

MichelleScarn · 03/04/2022 22:03

YABU Do you apologise to him if you drop or break something?

GeneLovesJezebel · 03/04/2022 22:03

He should have apologised. You bought them to decorate the house, they weren’t just a mug.
DH broke something of mine that had great sentimental value, he hid it instead of apologising.

PurpleDaisies · 03/04/2022 22:03

It was a household mug not your mug. I wouldn’t expect dh to apologise for breaking a mug unless it was specifically mine.

999caffeineplease · 03/04/2022 22:03

Gently, I think YABU - presumably they were mugs bought for family use, with family money, and he expressed remorse in the form of him being visibly frustrated.

Frustrating but I don’t think I’d expect an apology.

Icantfly · 03/04/2022 22:03

If I broke something I would say ‘I’ve broken one of those cups, sorry, where can I go to replace it?’. Not just ignore it.

Hankunamatata · 03/04/2022 22:03

It's only a cup. He shouldn't have to apologise for breaking one by accident, that's insane.

KrisAkabusi · 03/04/2022 22:04

I wouldn't expect an apology for a broken cup, or plate or anything similar, particularly if it was clearly an accident. Things get broken.
I would expect an apology if someone called me a bell end!

ImBurtMacklin · 03/04/2022 22:04

Yabu

MichelleScarn · 03/04/2022 22:05

It comes across as controlling and suffocating! 'You must show your shame to me'!

TheSnowyOwl · 03/04/2022 22:05

[quote ReallyMadHatter]@stairgates I do get that, I was fuming in the heat of the moment and so upset at wasting money. [/quote]
I’m not sure I’d call a one off, genuine accident, money wasting.

Original poster
ReallyMadHatter · 03/04/2022 22:05

@MichelleScarn Yes! I do, because replacing things impacts on the household budget.

They were house cups but they were also decor cups for those asking. Really gorgeous.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReallyMadHatter · 03/04/2022 22:06

@TheSnowyOwl but he's done it a few times before with lovely glassware so not a one off from him 😩

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/04/2022 22:06

If they’re decor cups that are so precious, it sounds like you need to keep them as stunt mugs.

NoSquirrels · 03/04/2022 22:08

In an ideal world it would have been nice if he’d acknowledged you cared about the cups and understood you’d be upset.

But YWBU really - you know it’s not the end of the world, you knew criticism would go down badly (because you held your tongue in the heat of the moment), but you clung onto the upset and then brought it up to criticise anyway. That was petty.

Original poster
ReallyMadHatter · 03/04/2022 22:08

@KrisAkabusi Aye I probably should apologise but he has been so rude and not bothered about all of the effort I've got to redecorating this kitchen and planning the house decor. He presumably doesn't care as he could live in a blank box but I like things to look nice and be looked after !

OP posts:
DoWhatYouLike · 03/04/2022 22:08

YABVU

Quartz2208 · 03/04/2022 22:09

I have to say I dont think an apology is infantilising - it is acknowledging that something you accidentally did has upset the other person.

It isnt controlling or suffocating to simply say I am sorry I broke the mug I know you liked it. Here I made you a cup of tea.

And move on

NoSquirrels · 03/04/2022 22:09

And if he’s careless with glassware then maybe displayed glass mugs aren’t the best idea?

PurpleDaisies · 03/04/2022 22:10

[quote ReallyMadHatter]@KrisAkabusi Aye I probably should apologise but he has been so rude and not bothered about all of the effort I've got to redecorating this kitchen and planning the house decor. He presumably doesn't care as he could live in a blank box but I like things to look nice and be looked after ![/quote]
You’re not doing it for him, are you? You’re redecorating because you want to.

Swipe left for the next trending thread