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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
DigsDilemma · 03/04/2022 16:50

Whenever someone says "get a life" about something like this, I think that the problem is actually that I'm trying to live about 3 already... in reality, when I stayed with friends in my 20s, then I absolutely would leave as late as possible on the Sunday night (on one memorable occasion I left it so late it became Monday and I had to book emergency leave from work). However, now I know that none of my friends would welcome that. They need time on a Sunday afternoon to decompress, calm the kids down, drink tea and reluctantly think about the week ahead. It's just different life stages.

Youvebeengonesolong · 03/04/2022 16:52

@ComtesseDeSpair

If I was having a good time, and my hosts also seemed to be having a good time, I’d wait for them to indicate that they wanted me to leave.

Neither of you has given the other any indication of what an acceptable leaving time is. His is obviously later today. Yours is obviously sooner. Next time, tell people.

Neither has given the other any indication of what an acceptable leaving time is because the guest did not have the basic manners to ask his hosts! It really isn't polite to put the host in the position of having to tell you when you haven't asked! And yes, when the subject of staying somewhere is first broached, a host is at liberty to say "it would be good to see you from Friday to Sunday afternoon, but we are quite busy on Sunday evening".

And a good guest should be sensitive to the rhythms of the household and generally follow the same basic schedule of meals and of getting up and going to bed as his hosts. They shouldn't hog the shower or delay the family going out. And say you've been invited to stay for Sunday lunch, a brief , polite enquiry upon arrival such as "It's really lovely of you to put me up, I was thinking of catching the 5 pm train on Sunday but there's a 3 pm one too, which would suit you best?" is a polite way to proceed imho.

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/04/2022 16:54

@DigsDilemma
Do you need a whole afternoon to do that though?! If most people would guest to leave after breakfast or lunch it leaves hours of the day left. Would it kill you to have a change to your routine and actually have a Sunday where you just do what you fancy rather than sit in the house contemplating and preparing for the week? That just sounds a bit depressing week in and week out

bigbluebus · 03/04/2022 16:59

Friday evening arrivals always depart around 2pm on the Sunday here. We don't kick them out but they usually have a 4 hour+ drive so it suits them too. We do the same when visiting friends/family. They usually get 1 cooked breakfast - the other day is toast/cereal. 1 cooked dinner in our house, the other is usually pub/restaurant which guests always offer to pay for.

SpringLobelia · 03/04/2022 17:01

@LuckySantangelo35

Leaving at 6pm really isn’t outrageously late. Some of you on here need to get a life!
Seems to me that the OP has a full life already. A busy weekend with friends, guests and children. Loads to fit in and work around.
Benjispruce4 · 03/04/2022 17:08

He’s single? He has no idea. I feel your pain but to get through it, put a positive spin on the situation. You obviously know how to look after your guests! Be forewarned for next time .

AngelinaFibres · 03/04/2022 17:09

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
I always have eggs and bread because I like scrambled eggs for breakfast. I don't have all the other full English stuff because we never eat it. Visitors are offered cereal (Kellogs variety packs very useful) ,toast and fruit. Weekend visits begin late on Friday. They end after a leisurely breakfast on Sunday. I always arrange the timings with visitors beforehand.
AngelinaFibres · 03/04/2022 17:12

"Would like a coffee before you get going? " is a useful way to indicate that the visit is ending.

Youvebeengonesolong · 03/04/2022 17:13

@LuckySantangelo35

Leaving at 6pm really isn’t outrageously late. Some of you on here need to get a life!
Depends what stage of life you are at or whether you have a long commute in the morning and need to be up at 5.45 am for work the next day, or you are travelling for work the next day. Whether you have work to prepare or laundry to do before Monday morning. Whether you are tired from hosting because you have young children who wake in the night, or you have done a lot of talking, or drinking or sight-seeing during the weekend. Whether as a host you need some quiet time for yourself before you plunge in to another week of work and parenting. If you are accepting someone else's hospitality, it polite to find out whether it's convenient for them if you leave at 6pm or later on a Sunday and not just assume it's ok.
MichaelAndEagle · 03/04/2022 17:15

I wonder if he's still there.....

dworky · 03/04/2022 17:15

Why are you facilitating it?

SevenWaystoLeave · 03/04/2022 17:16

@MichaelAndEagle

I wonder if he's still there.....
I hope he's having another shower
AngelinaFibres · 03/04/2022 17:17

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
Why didn't you just laugh and say "No I meant tea,toast cereal type breakfast" and then provide those things and nothing else
Canhearthemice · 03/04/2022 17:23

Way too accommodating. Just sort your family out and tell him where the bread and cereal are. Again, if you weren't up for going to the pub, just do soup and sandwich. Then after say, right, don't mind me but I need to do some chores for next week. Feel free to watch a bit of TV. I would effectively stop hosting.

FrankLeeSpeaking · 03/04/2022 17:32

Personally I think 6pm is fine.
But if you don't, you'd have to tell him that.

lemongreentea · 03/04/2022 17:33

You havent communicated properly about timings of the visit and you sound mean when it comes to food. Who invites a weekend guest and then begrudges them a cooked breakfast. However if he doesnt know how to pay his way when it comes to the pub lunch I would be reconsidering inviting him over again.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/04/2022 17:52

@MrsWooster

I’d send him a text saying “off to the pub, kids need feeding-join us when you’re out”. Once there , and finished eating, say how lovely it’s been and how it’s a shame Sundays have to effectively finish after lunch so you can all get ready for the week…
That's a bit unfair if he wasn't told in advance he had to leave after lunch. If I was invited to stay somewhere and leaving on a Sunday, I'd assume I could leave any time Sunday and would probably have a train ticket booked anyway so being told I had to leave earlier would be quite horrible.
Gwenhwyfar · 03/04/2022 17:53

"If you are accepting someone else's hospitality, it polite to find out whether it's convenient for them if you leave at 6pm or later on a Sunday and not just assume it's ok."

Surely it's on the host to say there is a certain time. How is the guest supposed to know?

Besttobe8001 · 03/04/2022 17:53

Personally I'd have got out of your hair by lunchtime, and I'm single. Thinking charitably, Sunday afternoon can be a very lonely time to be single and living alone, so maybe he's enjoying the family atmosphere.

You do sound like a martyr/doormat though - I'd have said clearly that he needs to pay in the pub and that he can make / wash up one of the breakfasts.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/04/2022 17:55

" It really isn't polite to put the host in the position of having to tell you when you haven't asked! "

But how is a guest supposed to know there is a specific time?? This is the first I've ever head of this.

Youvebeengonesolong · 03/04/2022 18:00

@Gwenhwyfar

" It really isn't polite to put the host in the position of having to tell you when you haven't asked! "

But how is a guest supposed to know there is a specific time?? This is the first I've ever head of this.

All it means is that it's up to you as a guest to ask your host what fits in best with their plans. Basic manners not to assume and you avoid situations such as the op is experiencing now.
Gwenhwyfar · 03/04/2022 18:05

Yes, but what I'm asking is how is the guest supposed to know there is a time when the host wants them to leave. The host knows it so it's up to them to communicate it isn't it? You can't be expected to ask for information you don't know you need.

Tulipomania · 03/04/2022 18:08

@Gwenhwyfar

Yes, but what I'm asking is how is the guest supposed to know there is a time when the host wants them to leave. The host knows it so it's up to them to communicate it isn't it? You can't be expected to ask for information you don't know you need.
You ask them politely.

There are loads of examples upthread if you take the trouble tp read them.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/04/2022 18:11

You dont' get my point Tulip. How is a guest who has not read this thread supposed to know that they are supposed to ask this?? I'm not asking how to ask, but how is the guest to know that they should ask?

If someone comes to stay with me I will say x day is OK. If I'm busy part of that day, I will say so. I wouldn't leave it to the guest to guess.

TillyTopper · 03/04/2022 18:12

He's single - he probably hasn't thought through what a family weekend would be like and what's "the norm". Sorry but you need to communicate better with him.