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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
Charpick · 03/04/2022 14:57

Some people aren’t considerate. That friend wouldn’t be staying again if I were you…

WonderfulYou · 03/04/2022 14:58

I think 6pm is fine.

Surely if you spend a weekend with someone you make the most of it.

What time was you thinking?

It sounds like you don’t like having this man as a guest and any time he was leaving wouldn’t be suitable.
I’m assuming he lives quite far away so next time maybe suggesting a travel lodge instead.

luxxlisbon · 03/04/2022 15:00

There is no universal rule that staying in someone’s house until 6pm is rude though. Maybe people would be happy for the guest to stay until after that time, others wouldn’t.

You need to be clear imo, you can’t sit quietly and expect people to ready your mind and just get annoyed when they don’t.

NoSquirrels · 03/04/2022 15:02

It would be simply marvellous if everyone could ‘use common sense’ to figure out what would be polite and helpful. But in this imperfect world it’s usually better to ask for what you need - politely - than get annoyed by the lack of mind reading or shared assumptions.

LoisLane66 · 03/04/2022 15:03

I never stay with friends or family when visiting overnight, preferring to stay in hotel or BnB/ Airbnb.
Have in the past but don't necessarily want to get up when I hear them moving around yet don't want to get up too early before them.
Same with bedtime, mealtimes or anything else. Family sometimes feel obliged to have some 'entertainment' organised in which I have no interest. It works differently for everyone.

Roominmyhouse · 03/04/2022 15:10

Wow lots of rude people on this thread about people who don’t have kids. Not all people without children outstay their welcome. Some of us are capable of understanding families might need their own time when we’ve stayed with them for a weekend.

I personally find talking to people is the best way to make sure their plans are in line with what you have in mind. If your friend is taking the piss don’t just stand there and let them. And if you want them to leave say something.

whynotwhatknot · 03/04/2022 15:13

Did you go to the pub-i do usually stay quite late round my dsis on a sunday shes no wallflower though so would say if i was outstaying my welcome

RedWreck · 03/04/2022 15:18

My lovely friend stays regularly but whenever I offer I set out the itinerary for the weekend, including dropping her at the station in time for the 4pm train on Sunday.
She's just not an organised person & would start looking for train times at 6 or later if not, then it's "Oh there's one at 9..."
I love her staying but I need an end time.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 03/04/2022 15:19

Pre-children I would have considered 6pm a standard time to leave. Asking for a fry-up was a bit cheeky but I would have pointed him towards the pan and told him where the bacon and eggs are before leaving him to it, with your own order.

Use your words, OP.

ChoiceMummy · 03/04/2022 15:22

I don't think that leaving at 6pm is that unreasonable tbh. That imo leaves you sufficient time to prep for the week.

If you want to put guests on a stopwatch be upfront with them!

By the sounds of it be doesn't have children and has taken you at your word. It sounds to me like you no longer like hosting and socialising with all this entails, so perhaps don't offer again.

As for the lunch time rant, totally ott children or not!

Rosebel · 03/04/2022 15:25

Our friends and family are pretty local so we don't have this issue.
Growing up we went to visit friends and family and we used to leave between 4 and 6 depending on the length of the journey.
And they left at the same time. However we did come home early if they had plans.
You just need to tell him next time. Does it really take that long to get ready for the week ahead.

SucculentChalice · 03/04/2022 15:26

Is he invited to a lot of country house parties and believes this is a Friday - Monday stay?

Friendofdennis · 03/04/2022 15:28

You don’t sound as if you really want him there tbh

Lunificent · 03/04/2022 15:30

This is why he’s single.

godmum56 · 03/04/2022 15:32

@Dingalingdong

Of course, but it feels a little lacking in any consideration. Isn’t it better to think what might be good for other people too as opposed to expecting them to say ‘you can come but only for x time’. Wouldn’t you use common sense?
but evidence shows he has none, or any good manners either
watcherintherye · 03/04/2022 15:35

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people?

About 4. After lunch, before dinner/supper/tea (take your pick!)

Bollindger · 03/04/2022 15:38

So once you get home , start your chores, do the things you normally would so Daddy is the watching kids parent, unless you need his help. How is he getting home if he has been pubbing it?

thepeopleversuswork · 03/04/2022 15:44

I think people are being a bit harsh. Yes the OP or her partner should have said something but I wouldn't stay all day Sunday after arriving on Friday night.

Anyone who works or has children in school will need a part of Sunday to regroup/sort their life/decompress after the weekend and I don't think it takes a mind reader to work out that leaving after dinner on Sunday is too late. Whether or not you have kids.

Myboypink · 03/04/2022 15:46

I would hope someone would leave at 3pm
Latest !
That way I can have abit of chill time before everything resumes on Monday !

Dream scenario - they leave after a late breakfast at 12!

SpringLobelia · 03/04/2022 15:46

I have sadly way too much experience hosting people for weekend house parties. It was always something DH did asa bachelor and when I came onto the scene 20 years ago (and inserted myself into DH's house) I felt the need to be the very good hostess.

I have hjad years and years of being frustrated at Dhs; bachelor friends who stay and stay.

His expectations as a man without children are not yours. he has literally no idea what your needs are and your boundaries. You have to be clear. I now have no issues saying 'It will be lovely to see you. However on Sunday we have swimming at 9 am and then we can do the pub but we have to be sorted by 3 pm for the children to settle down'. I am also now very firm about saying that I will cook Saturday breakfast but on friday we are out at the pub and on Saturday he can tak,e us out or go out with DH but we need to be back from whatever time. You truly cannot expect that a person without a child has any understanding at all what the realities of life with small children are like. It is not fair to expect them to just guess that. They have no idea.

Be clear. Put boundaries in place.

putryersh · 03/04/2022 15:47

This reply has been deleted

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FloBot7 · 03/04/2022 15:49

I normally leave around 11-12 after a relaxed breakfast/brunch. If there were plans for lunch out I'd leave straight from the restaurant (assuming driving) and have my things in the car before lunch.

bluebell34567 · 03/04/2022 15:52

@Lunificent

This is why he’s single.
good point Grin
IncompleteSenten · 03/04/2022 15:53

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
Then you say no I'm not doing that. Toast or cereal.

You can't be cross with someone because they don't see things like you do. They should... They ought to... Why don't they... Wouldn't you... You'd think..

Nope. No. Nope. You open your gob and you tell them.

Squirrelblanket · 03/04/2022 15:53

When we stay somewhere we always leave after breakfast on the Sunday. (A later, leisurely breakfast.)

I like guests to do the same. If they don't seem to be moving I will say, 'so what do you have planned for the rest of the day?' or similar. Most people we have to stay do the same as us though.