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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 03/04/2022 15:56

if i was a guest i would try to make a move after breakfast or lunch. if my guest wants me to stay i would stay.
i would always offer to pay half or whatever.
and i wouldnt ask for a 'fry up', would prefer something easy for them.
and thats what i would expect from a guest.

PortalooSunset · 03/04/2022 15:56

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
No one actually forced you to cook one though Confused You could have said "I meant cereal or toast."

If I'd been invited for the weekend I'd usually be leaving after lunch on the Sunday, unless the hosts had other plans. I'd expect them to share that with me though.

If you resent having to cater for this person why invite them?

yellowsuninthesky · 03/04/2022 15:57

Anyone who works or has children in school will need a part of Sunday to regroup/sort their life/decompress after the weekend and I don't think it takes a mind reader to work out that leaving after dinner on Sunday is too late. Whether or not you have kids

I've had people stay and leave Monday morning. They let themselves out after we'd gone to work and school. Done the same myself.

One size doesn't fit all. And we don't all make a massive fuss about family time and life admin. We just think oh it's Sunday evening, better get my work bag packed. Has ds/dd got their schoolbags packed. And then go to bed. So much fussing over nothing on here.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/04/2022 16:01

You’re being very passive aggressive. You invited him to stay as a guest but seem to resent feeding him breakfast. You could have offered a simpler alternative instead of acting like a martyr. And if you need him to leave earlier so you can prepare for the week, just tell him! Really don’t understand what your problem is.

OverByYer · 03/04/2022 16:01

@Limer

I'm amazed that hosts don't tell their guests exactly what the arrangements for the weekend will be. Can't blame the guest for outstaying his welcome if he's not been told! And you can't blame him for asking for a fry up. You could have said no.

Try using a variation on this script for next time:

"Would you like to come for the weekend?"
"Yes please"
"Great, aim to arrive by 7pm on Friday, I'll cook blah-blah-blah, on Saturday we'll blah-blah-blah, then we'll go out to the pub for Sunday lunch before you go back home. I'll get some croissants/hot cross buns/pastries for easy breakfasts."

Exactly this. Not difficult.
DappledThings · 03/04/2022 16:01

And we don't all make a massive fuss about family time and life admin. We just think oh it's Sunday evening, better get my work bag packed. Has ds/dd got their schoolbags packed. And then go to bed. So much fussing over nothing on here.
Totally. Fine if you feel you need a special and specific amount of time on a Sunday for whatever preparing for the week entails but the assumption everyone needs this time and everyone should assume so is just weird.

Mondays are my super early morning. Preparing for the week means making sure my laptop and charger cable are in my laptop bag and finding my thermos mug. That's it.

saraclara · 03/04/2022 16:02

Throughout my 20s/30s/early 40s I was always used to staying at least until late afternoon/early evening for weekends away at friends (and that was the reciprocated without every really being voiced). It was just what we did, as we'd often go out somewhere for the day/afternoon.

Then I came unstuck with some new friends on the Sunday morning, when it became clear (though not quickly enough for comfort) that they were expecting me to leave mid-morning. Except it was already lunchtime before I twigged. So yep, people are different, and now I tend to ask (though I've yet to find a very comfortable way of saying 'when do you want me out of the way?')

Catlitterqueen · 03/04/2022 16:03

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
I think my response would have been hysterical laughter and ‘yeah, you wish!’
NdefH81 · 03/04/2022 16:07

* Single friend*

More like enemy who I find profoundly rude and irritating and can’t stand being in my house but for some unknown reason I invited them over to stay.

ssd · 03/04/2022 16:08

He sounds cheeky

LovePoppy · 03/04/2022 16:11

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
That’s when you say “Well actually….” And tell him you were planning toast

Use your words OP

Silversprinkles · 03/04/2022 16:13

How much blooming time do you need to "get ready for the week"? Confused what's so important that it over takes your weekend?

Enjoy your friend while he's here. He's single and presumably has NO idea of how life runs with children so you do need to let him know in a kind way. But honestly, my prep is done in under an hour so I enjoy ALL my Sunday. No idea what could mean you want him to after lunch!

Neverendingdust · 03/04/2022 16:13

Sounds like a nightmare but you clearly value his friendship and place in your lives because you are very accommodating.

Silversprinkles · 03/04/2022 16:15

@HavfrueDenizKisi

There is a universally acceptable time and it is after a leisurely breakfast. And no later.
No there isn't.
Viviennemary · 03/04/2022 16:18

I don't think 6 pm is that late. I thought you were going to say midnight. You dont seem to enjoy his stay very much. So don't ask him again.

Attictroll · 03/04/2022 16:21

I don’t think 6 pm is late. I would usually leave mud afternoon after lunch. Could you not have said we need the evening to organise the kids so maybe leaving a bit better might suit and suggested 4

greenlynx · 03/04/2022 16:23

Invited for the weekend? I would expect to leave between 4-6 pm on Sunday depending on travel. My rule is that the host should have quiet dinner on Sunday without guests. I’m really surprised at “leaving after breakfast” approach and tbh I’m rather antisocial and can tolerate guests only at small quantities.
I think you’re wrong to invite him without clear rules and boundaries. Count it as your learning curve and tell him whatever you expect from him in a polite but nonnegotiable way referring any extra questions on “kids issues “. Don’t invite him to stay anymore, just meet him somewhere .

1forAll74 · 03/04/2022 16:25

Just put a timetable up in your kitchen, saying, the times you expect for doing certain things, as you like to be organised.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 03/04/2022 16:26

Of course, but it feels a little lacking in any consideration. Isn’t it better to think what might be good for other people too as opposed to expecting them to say ‘you can come but only for x time’. Wouldn’t you use common sense?

It's not common sense. Everyone sees things differently. For me the common-sense lacking here is proper communication - which is a 2-way thing.

Anyone who works or has children in school will need a part of Sunday to regroup/sort their life/decompress after the weekend and I don't think it takes a mind reader to work out that leaving after dinner on Sunday is too late. Whether or not you have kids

I work. I have kids. I don't necessarily need part of Sunday to do these things. You're describing your way of doing things not a universal experience.

Tenohfour · 03/04/2022 16:34

Set your boundaries. He doesn't have any. So you need to establish your own for him to be absolutely clear what is on offer and when to fuck off.

Tulipomania · 03/04/2022 16:35

The host should really communicate what their expectations are in advance, however if they haven't done so then the guest should ask.

I would have said something like- "come in time for dinner on Friday, any time after 5. We'll eat at 8. And do stay for a pub lunch on Sunday."

That is pretty clear that they should leave after Sunday lunch.

And if the host has not communicated, the guest should say. "Looking forward to coming to stay for the weekend. What time would you like me to arrive on Friday, and are you expecting me to stay for lunch on Sunday or do you have other plans?"

I do agree that an invitation for the weekend usually means leave after Sunday lunch and if a guest has a reason to stay later than, say, 4 pm they should communicate it!

Palloom · 03/04/2022 16:36

Considerate guests would ask what suits the host and their schedule.

If this friend was staying in a hotel they would have to check out at midday.

Get rid of him, he is a CF. Hope he has paid for something during his stay with you.

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/04/2022 16:42

@MrsWooster

I’d send him a text saying “off to the pub, kids need feeding-join us when you’re out”. Once there , and finished eating, say how lovely it’s been and how it’s a shame Sundays have to effectively finish after lunch so you can all get ready for the week…
@MrsWooster What does that entail? “Getting ready for the week?”
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/04/2022 16:43

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
You’re allowed to put your big girl pants on and say no, we had that yesterday, or no, we’re having a big meal later, or ok - help yourself just make sure you tidy up after, we’re all having cereal?
LuckySantangelo35 · 03/04/2022 16:46

Leaving at 6pm really isn’t outrageously late. Some of you on here need to get a life!

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