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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread a party with "stand-up bowl food" ?

318 replies

Jng1 · 03/04/2022 11:45

RSVPd yes to a 'save the date' for a friend's significant birthday party.
Just had the details through and it's in a tiny cafe/ restaurant with a guest list of about 60. Looked at pics on insta of other private parties and people are packed in like sardines in a low-ceilinged single room. No stools or seats anywhere.

Food is described as grazing boards then stand up bowl food.

Am I alone in dreading this kind of social event - standing in uncomfortable heels, juggling a glass and a plate/bowl and not being able to hear anyone. Wondering how long I have to stay before I can discreetly disappear?

(Yes, I know IABU and I should have just politely declined, but I thought it would be a sit down/ buffet type thingie!)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
HomeHomeInTheRange · 03/04/2022 12:05

Goodness, what a fuss.

Wear comfortable shoes
Eat something before you go if you can’t cope with the food
Have some drinks and enjoy talking to people.

MurmuratingStarling · 03/04/2022 12:06

@mycatisannoying

This is Mumsnet. It's pretty much a safe bet that this social event will be hated.
@mycatisannoying

It will be 'hated,' not because 'this is mumsnet' but because the whole idea is ludicrous! No-one will be comfortable, no-one will have anywhere to sit, and no-one will have anywhere to put anything like their bag or plate or drink! Confused

The vast majority of people (even the ones without any health issues) will be uncomfortable, and will get tired and achey, standing up all night with their bag over their shoulder, probably in heels, and holding a plate in one hand and a drink in the other.

Such a stupid idea. I wouldn't be going.

cumonilean · 03/04/2022 12:07

Just be ill on the day.

VioletLemon · 03/04/2022 12:08

Norovirus white fib? Then enjoy the evening knowing you're not a sardine..

Loopytiles · 03/04/2022 12:09

I would decline an invitation for a social event with no seating! Wouldn’t enjoy, even in flat shoes, as would get back pain.

Loopytiles · 03/04/2022 12:09

Would only go if it was local.

Frenziedandfurious · 03/04/2022 12:10

Would be a no for me. I can't stand for too long as my back seizes up and starts to hurt. I also can't talk whilst standing I just can't get into it. That said I do prefer informal grazing/buffet style rather than formal sit down meal as find those really intense.

TheZenOne22 · 03/04/2022 12:10

@mycatisannoying

This is Mumsnet. It's pretty much a safe bet that this social event will be hated.
Haha ‘mycatisannoying’ - I’m fairly new to mumsnet and I’ve already started to notice this. It’s rather enlightening :)
Justyouwaitandseeagain · 03/04/2022 12:12

@Jng1

www.foodevents.co.uk/food/bowl-food/

I guess it's this kind of thing?

I would think so! Sounds great to me!
LubaLuca · 03/04/2022 12:12

I don't think it sounds bad. I'd rather have a sit down meal, but I'm not averse to drinks events that encourage mingling like this. I'm sure there'll be some seating available anyway - not everyone invited will have the lower back stamina to remain standing for the duration.

User34352515 · 03/04/2022 12:13

@ScreamingMeMe

That sounds horrendous. I wonder why they chose it?
It's easier and cheaper. The venue probably offers catering packages per head and the bowl buffet style is the lowest compromise for a "meal" but not having to pay a full sit-down dinner and service prices. People also tend to eat and drink far less at these parties because it's so uncomfortable.
burnoutbabe · 03/04/2022 12:14

surely one of the "joys" of being older is being able to say - ah no, i can;t stand for long, not with my bunions/hip/dodgy knee.

I booked me and my friends at some nice brunch and had to ask - can we have a proper table with chairs as we are OLD and do not want those high tables with bar stools.

erinaceus · 03/04/2022 12:14

Can you explain how you feel to your friend and ask that there are a couple of seats put out? It's not unusual at these types of events for there to be quite a few people who find it difficult to stand for a long time.

Mrsjayy · 03/04/2022 12:15

I wonder if these standing events are a ploy to get people to leave early 🤔

CounsellorTroi · 03/04/2022 12:15

I’m not sure how you can eat from the bowls if there is nowhere to put your glass down.

MrsMoastyToasty · 03/04/2022 12:16

I'd pretend that I've got 2 events on that night (even if I don't). Show your face at friends do for 20 minutes and then "must dash, we have a table booked"...

schmalex · 03/04/2022 12:16

Can't see what the fuss is about either. I love this sort of thing as you can mingle around easily and chat to lots of people.

LoveSpringDaffs · 03/04/2022 12:17

60 people in one small room. Right now. That'll be all 60 with covid in a few days. No thanks!! & that's before you get to 'no seating'. I'd have managed that a few years ago, with comfy shoes (but we're talking decades ago when I'd have done it in heels & not thought about it!!).

Graze good with 50+ strangers right now, another 'no thanks'

So, you've saved the date, that's great, plans nice night out or a PJ night at home you didn't save the date to be miserable!!

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/04/2022 12:17

@MrsSkylerWhite

Stay home. Take your friend out to dinner separately.
I’d develop a v painful sprained ankle 3 days before, text and say so sorry - let me take you out for dinner.

I shouldn’t think anyone will wear heels though.

DelphiniumBlue · 03/04/2022 12:17

@Jng1

Problem is all my 'smart' clothes really need at least a small heeled show and since covid I just can't wear them! All heels are uncomfortable now. I'm not tall either (5ft 4) so people tend to talk 'over' me otherwise.

I also suffered from backache and find standing for a long time really hard - so much so, that half the time I'm so busy concentrating on standing comfortably I really can't concentrate on conversations.

I guess I could buy a pair of glitzy trainers or something, but all my trousers would be too long then.

You can get platform trainers if it would help make your trousers wearable with them. But it doesn't sound like a fun evening really - maybe say you can't make it but arrange to take your friend out separately? Dinner or theatre or something?
ImAvingOops · 03/04/2022 12:18

There must be people in real life who like these things, otherwise they wouldn't exist, but I don't know anyone who would!
It might be a Mumsnet thing but can anyone honestly say what's good about it?

gunnersgold · 03/04/2022 12:18

I don't eat ! Easy ! It's not mandatory !

woodhill · 03/04/2022 12:19

Would hate this too

Plus with Covid and hygiene etc

I need to sit down as well

JellyfishandShells · 03/04/2022 12:19

Stand up for a short time - before a dinner or if it is set out to be time limited - is ok as long as the food provided is small canapés, served by circulating waiters. That awful trend for awkward large canapés ( mini fish and chips, roast beef in Yorkshires etc) seems to have disappeared, thankfully - hard to manage and eat elegantly. Stand up with a bowl sounds even more of a horror - one hand for the bowl, the other for an eating implement, leaving no hands for a drink and people having to put their bags on the floor.

Some chairs , at least , should be provided - not just for the heel wearers - and some side tables so that people can pause their eating, not have to scoff an entire bowl at once. This venue sounds inappropriate for this type of catering .

Zilla1 · 03/04/2022 12:19

Having looked at the menu on the PPs link, the selling point of 'no cutlery' seems inappropriate for many of the dishes. Is it a way of renaming a buffet with warm dishes so it sounds fashionable?