To dread a party with "stand-up bowl food" ?

[Jng1]

RSVPd yes to a 'save the date' for a friend's significant birthday party.
Just had the details through and it's in a tiny cafe/ restaurant with a guest list of about 60. Looked at pics on insta of other private parties and people are packed in like sardines in a low-ceilinged single room. No stools or seats anywhere.

Food is described as grazing boards then stand up bowl food.

Am I alone in dreading this kind of social event - standing in uncomfortable heels, juggling a glass and a plate/bowl and not being able to hear anyone. Wondering how long I have to stay before I can discreetly disappear?

(Yes, I know IABU and I should have just politely declined, but I thought it would be a sit down/ buffet type thingie!)

Grazing board yuck. Why doesn’t anyone have a good old fashioned beige buffet anymore

@Jng1

Problem is all my 'smart' clothes really need at least a small heeled show and since covid I just can't wear them! All heels are uncomfortable now. I'm not tall either (5ft 4) so people tend to talk 'over' me otherwise.

I also suffered from backache and find standing for a long time really hard - so much so, that half the time I'm so busy concentrating on standing comfortably I really can't concentrate on conversations.

I guess I could buy a pair of glitzy trainers or something, but all my trousers would be too long then.

You really need to ditch the heels. Nothing you’ve said justifies them.

My feet are actually quite deformed by a nail problem on one big toe causing the nail to be really big and domed, and by bunions (not caused by heels). I literally cannot wear heels, I have no choice. I get by. Going to a Jewish wedding in two weeks, an event which couldn’t be more eveningy, and I’m wearing silver flats with a black sequinned knee length dress. I want something long because I think that’s better but hey, I can’t find it so that’s that.

You do have a choice.

Better with flats I mean.

@Thewheelsfalloffthebus

Where smart trainers, hem a pair of your trousers and they can be your ´flat shoes’ smart trousers. If you’re not wearing heels much anymore anyway you’ll get more use out of them. Find a youtube video to explain how to hem trousers if you don’t know how.

This - there's no point only owning smart clothes you can't wear because you have to wear uncomfortable shoes with them.

I usually locate the bar at these kind of events and then perch on bar stools there or the edge of a table.

I just don't eat at shindigs like this. I can't actually eat in front of strangers either, so I usually go home from parties hungry.

Get yourself a couple of my weird hang ups and you're golden, @Jng1

@NotNowBoris

Definitely not the event fot heels. Might be one of those nights that you expect will be shit but turns out alright though. It is good for you to see people and get out and about somewhere new sometimes.

I always found the night I least wanted to attend was the best night out.

I thought that grazing boards, like super-spreader hot desks, were a welcome casualty of the pandemic.
Say you've got Covid. If you don't, you probably will have by the end of the evening.

YANBU sounds awful

Wear trainers!!

Who do you think I'm suggesting excluding? I've said chairs should be provided. If you mean miserable moany critical people, obsessed with what they were given to eat, then no, I wouldn't invite them, as I don't think that sort of person would fit in with my circle. And apparantly they find parties a chore anyway, so I doubt they'd mind

Yes I noticed you added chairs as an afterthought to your latest "suck it up you misery" post. Its not just about chairs though is it?

We have a different approach to hospitality. I was raised to consider hosting an important privilege in life and a key part of entertaining is ensuring that all the guests can enjoy themselves. I enjoy a party when my guests enjoy it, not when they are struggling but turn up for me as they are friends and feel obliged. Moreover its easily done with fairly minor adjustments.

As I said - you don't have to invite anyone for whom a mish mash of graze boards and mandatory standing in a noisy crowded room is a problem. But don't invite those people and pretend you want them there. Just be honest and leave them out.

I don't wear heels but I do wear platforms occasionally. I find them very comfortable.

I'd just eat before and have a drink while there

I hate events held at meal times where canapés and food is served with no tables. I've been served lamb chops before. Standing there with a lamb chop, gnawing at it, trying not to make a mess of my clothes and talk to people.

Always eat beforehand. Wear comfortable shoes and go for the drinks. If you're worried about your holiday then don't go.

Bad back, disability. Ask for a seat as a reasonable adjustment by the venue with a table to put your food and drink on. Sorted. You will need a couple of seats for people who want to talk to you as well.

But grazing boards mean you don’t have to use your hands, right? Or am I doing them wrong?

How old mumsnet is getting!
Just sounds like a normal sort of party to me - though lacking the dancing which seems a bit sad.
I'm sure there will be a few chairs around the edge for those that need them. Otherwise it's a mingling event. Much better at a large scale occasion than being stuck in one seat for most of the night.

crowded standing room only are difficult for people who are mobility constrained or have hearing problems

That's incorrect. Standing events are much better than seated because you can stand closer to the person you are talking to rather than across a table where other conversations may be going on.

@CouldItBeCake

But grazing boards mean you don’t have to use your hands, right? Or am I doing them wrong?

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