Page 12 | To dread a party with "stand-up bowl food" ?

Jng1 · 2022-04-03T10:45:42+00:00

RSVPd yes to a 'save the date' for a friend's significant birthday party. Just had the details through and it's in a tiny cafe/ restaurant with a guest list of about 60. Looked at pics on insta of other private parties and people are packed in like sardines in a low-ceilinged single room. No stools or seats anywhere. Food is described as grazing boards then stand up bowl food. Am I alone in dreading this kind of social event - standing in uncomfortable heels, juggling a glass and a plate/bowl and not being able to hear anyone. Wondering how long I have to stay before I can discreetly disappear? (Yes, I know IABU and I should have just politely declined, but I thought it would be a sit down/ buffet type thingie!)

BerthaLovelock · 04/04/2022 08:21

Prize for the most miserable bunch of people goes to this thread. Of course not every social gathering suits us down to the ground. For every person wanting a sit-down full meal there are others who welcome “grazing” . For every person whining about the mingling and wanting to sit with only those they already know well (or even just their partner ) there are plenty of others who would be looking forward to catching up with acquaintances or - eeeek! - meeting new people .

A grumpy old person was once a grumpy young person - and you can see from this thread who is in Olympic training mode to be a miserable old devil complaining all the time.

C8H10N4O2 · 04/04/2022 08:36

I find the MN attitude to events very odd

Its millions of posters, mostly women not a hive mind.

Its unsurprising if a female dominated cohort are more aware then average of differing needs at an event. Women are more likely to suffer from the kind of autoimmune disorders which can make standing for long periods difficult, they are far more likely to care or support the care of people with disabilities or dietary restrictions. They are also more likely to organise events in the first place and have to deal with all the different needs.

Graze boards are a nightmare for anyone with food allergies or dietary restrictions, crowded standing room only are difficult for people who are mobility constrained or have hearing problems. If you want to organise a party and none of your guests fall into this category then they may be great fun. If you want your guests to enjoy the event you do need to give some thought to their needs as well as your own.

OP: Call the host, ask what the options are. They may well have organised some seating as well despite the description of it as a standing event.

SierpinskiSquare · 04/04/2022 08:52

Eat before you go, wear comfortable shoes and have a nice time! I'd ask for a seat 😅

BerthaLovelock · 04/04/2022 09:16

You see I find this “guests’ needs” thing leaves a sour taste.

If someone is a close friend or relative, then of course you think of them, whether it be needing a chair or providing certain food. But a party for 60 - are you really obliged to alter the whole tone of an event because a work colleague’s new partner gets the runs after eating tomatoes?

SockFluffInTheBath · 04/04/2022 09:58

A grumpy old person was once a grumpy young person - and you can see from this thread who is in Olympic training mode to be a miserable old devil complaining all the time.

That made me chuckle. I don’t mind a good buffet (or whatever the current term is for it) but a few chairs don’t go amiss.

timestheyarechanging · 04/04/2022 10:02

Would be a 'no' from me, but I'm tiny and now only go to places where we can sit down to talk, otherwise I look at peoples' chests!

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 04/04/2022 11:17

@BerthaLovelock

You see I find this “guests’ needs” thing leaves a sour taste.

If someone is a close friend or relative, then of course you think of them, whether it be needing a chair or providing certain food. But a party for 60 - are you really obliged to alter the whole tone of an event because a work colleague’s new partner gets the runs after eating tomatoes?

I suspect that the biggest MN whingers (not including the OP - hers is only a mild whinge 😉) never actually run social events themselves. I've generally found that to be true in life - the harshest critics of how Activity X is being run are the people who never run Activity X themselves. It's so easy to criticise, if you never go through the hassle yourself, so don't appreciate how hard it is.

What I find bizarre and childish is some posters' inability to recognise that not everyone likes the same, so it's impossible for a host to please everyone. They remind me of a 3 year old having a meltdown because there's green icing on the birthday cake AND I WANTED PINK. Yeah, but some people prefer green...

C8H10N4O2 · 04/04/2022 12:35

But a party for 60 - are you really obliged to alter the whole tone of an event because a work colleague’s new partner gets the runs after eating tomatoes?

You don't need to change the whole event but if you want people to attend and enjoy it you may need some adjustments. In this case, have a few chairs available or if there are dietary restrictions use the bowl food service for those people and ensure some are kept back.

This is not difficult stuff. I don't think I've ever sent out invites for a social event like this (big birthday party) without giving some thought to what my guests would enjoy and catering for any special food needs and asking them to let me know of any specific needs. Why would I bother inviting them if I don't care whether or not they can attend?

5128gap · 04/04/2022 12:54

For the people objecting to the use of 'MN attitude' I'm not referring to an attitude shared by every user of the site. Rather an attitude I've only encountered on MN, not in RL. No one's ability to autonomously come to the same conclusion as most other people on the thread is seen as indicative they are not free thinking individuals.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/04/2022 13:23

@BerthaLovelock

Prize for the most miserable bunch of people goes to this thread. Of course not every social gathering suits us down to the ground. For every person wanting a sit-down full meal there are others who welcome “grazing” . For every person whining about the mingling and wanting to sit with only those they already know well (or even just their partner

) there are plenty of others who would be looking forward to catching up with acquaintances or - eeeek! - meeting new people .

A grumpy old person was once a grumpy young person - and you can see from this thread who is in Olympic training mode to be a miserable old devil complaining all the time.

I wasn't that grumpy until I'd had decades of being told either in direct words or indirect actions that I was not wanted and didn't belong because I wasn't physically perfect/didn't qualify as being imperfect enough for them to make a big song and dance about being inclusive.

A microaggression is a thing that in itself doesn't seem like much, but it tells the person affected by it that You DO NOT BELONG HERE with us.

Forty plus years of being told that you do not belong in 'normal' society and you're not the sort of person that 'normal' people want to have around tends to make one somewhat tetchy about the subject in my experience.

Kentucky83 · 04/04/2022 17:47

Doesn't sound like much fun. I'd go and show my face then leave when it became too much. If anyone asked me why I'd be honest - just say standing up for too long causes problems.

ramarama · 04/04/2022 18:30

Wow, what weird responses! I've been to loads of things with 'stand up bowl food'. You probably have too, it's just that they are usually called 'canapés' - but you need a bowl here because the portions are bigger!

To do a sit down dinner for 60 people in a nice venue is often well out of budget for most (it's not a wedding) This makes is more affordable and i'm sure you'll find it fine when you are there.

You will also likely be able to find a few chairs in corners to sit and have a chat, after a little bit

I'd much prefer this to a seated meal where you can be stuck between two bores that you don't know for 2 hours.

And OP, it's things like this which make you realise when you need a wardrobe addition - sounds like you need some smart but flat/comfy shoes :-)

good luck

Jillybloop393 · 04/04/2022 18:47

Sounds pretty dreadful, tbh. I'd go with the 'tested positive for Covid' option, and meet up another time.

Sandfairy69 · 04/04/2022 19:47

Key to these events is to say hello to everyone, EVERYONE… then poof! Disappear. Do NOT say goodbye to anyone. No excuses. Just disappear. Everyone will renter you were there. No one will remember when you left. Personal best was 10 mins. Weeks later friends were still talking about later events as if I had still been there. I didn’t give any reason to doubt I wasn’t.

5128gap · 04/04/2022 19:52

@C8H10N4O2

But a party for 60 - are you really obliged to alter the whole tone of an event because a work colleague’s new partner gets the runs after eating tomatoes?

You don't need to change the whole event but if you want people to attend and enjoy it you may need some adjustments. In this case, have a few chairs available or if there are dietary restrictions use the bowl food service for those people and ensure some are kept back.

This is not difficult stuff. I don't think I've ever sent out invites for a social event like this (big birthday party) without giving some thought to what my guests would enjoy and catering for any special food needs and asking them to let me know of any specific needs. Why would I bother inviting them if I don't care whether or not they can attend?

In reality, if you're a fun likeable person who knows a lot of other fun likeable people, you could host an event in a drafty shed and serve pickled onion monster munch, and people would attend and enjoy it. Its not the food or the venue that makes an event, it's the host, the guests, their personalities, and willingness to invest in having a good time. And the drinks of course.
Anyone who would go to a party and stand there moaning and criticising would not really be an asset to the occasion anyway, so it would be better they decline. Chairs are different. There should be some for those who need to sit.

C8H10N4O2 · 04/04/2022 20:16

Its not the food or the venue that makes an event, it's the host, the guests, their personalities, and willingness to invest in having a good time

If as a host you are "fun and likeable" but don't want to trouble yourself with with ensuring your guests can access and participate in the event then don't invite them. You may also be deluding yourself as to how likeable you are.

As PP says upthread - don't invite people if you don't actually want to include them. Be honest enough to admit they are too much trouble and you only want to invite people for whom you have to give no thought.

catwithflowers · 04/04/2022 20:49

Gosh, I think there's quite a bit of drama on this thread to be honest. I have a dodgy hip/arthritis and am mid fifties, but I think I would still quite enjoy this type of event. I would much rather be able to chat to various people rather than being stuck next to some one all evening that I might not know or get along with.

It all sounds quite good fun to me. Worst case scenario, you go and stay for an hour (assuming it's fairly local) to be polite then go home. It's standing around for a few hours, no different from walking round a gallery or museum surely. A few drinks, hopefully a few nibbles or bits of tasty food. I don't see why so many people are aghast 😳

5128gap · 04/04/2022 20:54

@C8H10N4O2

Its not the food or the venue that makes an event, it's the host, the guests, their personalities, and willingness to invest in having a good time

If as a host you are "fun and likeable" but don't want to trouble yourself with with ensuring your guests can access and participate in the event then don't invite them. You may also be deluding yourself as to how likeable you are.

As PP says upthread - don't invite people if you don't actually want to include them. Be honest enough to admit they are too much trouble and you only want to invite people for whom you have to give no thought.

Who do you think I'm suggesting excluding? I've said chairs should be provided. If you mean miserable moany critical people, obsessed with what they were given to eat, then no, I wouldn't invite them, as I don't think that sort of person would fit in with my circle. And apparantly they find parties a chore anyway, so I doubt they'd mind.

Obelisk · 04/04/2022 20:54

I think people are forgetting that they haven’t been invited to the party 😂

It’s quite possible that the host has thought long and hard about the accessibility needs of her friends and actually what she’s offering is fine for everyone. The only person we know who’s going is OP and her grumble is about wearing heels, not that she’s disabled and her needs haven’t been considered.

5128gap · 04/04/2022 21:00

@Obelisk

I think people are forgetting that they haven’t been invited to the party 😂

It’s quite possible that the host has thought long and hard about the accessibility needs of her friends and actually what she’s offering is fine for everyone. The only person we know who’s going is OP and her grumble is about wearing heels, not that she’s disabled and her needs haven’t been considered.

Indeed. Its been a funny old thread. My takeaway is that that bowl food looks lovely! I've suggested it to a friend for an event she's planning and she loves it too. The OP should get commission!

StargazerAli · 04/04/2022 21:03

Sounds okay to me, but I'd leave once my feet started to hurt.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/04/2022 21:04

Maybe just don't go?

Pelsall116 · 04/04/2022 21:13

YANBU
It sounds like my idea of hell
I would try sneaking off after about 30 mins......

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 04/04/2022 21:13

Sounds hideous to me I just wouldn't go

pinkpantherpink · 04/04/2022 21:49

Personally I would decline. Sounds like a super Covid spreader event x