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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread a party with "stand-up bowl food" ?

318 replies

Jng1 · 03/04/2022 11:45

RSVPd yes to a 'save the date' for a friend's significant birthday party.
Just had the details through and it's in a tiny cafe/ restaurant with a guest list of about 60. Looked at pics on insta of other private parties and people are packed in like sardines in a low-ceilinged single room. No stools or seats anywhere.

Food is described as grazing boards then stand up bowl food.

Am I alone in dreading this kind of social event - standing in uncomfortable heels, juggling a glass and a plate/bowl and not being able to hear anyone. Wondering how long I have to stay before I can discreetly disappear?

(Yes, I know IABU and I should have just politely declined, but I thought it would be a sit down/ buffet type thingie!)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Silverclocks · 03/04/2022 14:21

I honestly didn't realise people care so much about the detail of these kinds of events.

If I was invited by anyone I reasonably liked and the dare was OK, I'd go without knowing anything about the event. The people are more important than the food or the seating arrangents surely?

If I was planning the event I wouldn't do a grazing board because they just look vile to me, but if I found myself where there was one, I'd either eat it or not, depending on how hungry I was, but I'd still have a nice evening with friends

Original poster
Jng1 · 03/04/2022 14:22

@HiJenny35

I'm 5 ft 2 and no one has ever talked over me and I don't wear heels so you're being ridiculous about that. Sounds great, all together, snacky food, chat. A couple of hours standing, leaning against the bar etc isn't going to kill you, surely when you go to a party you stand up and talk to people otherwise how did you ever have the "people talk over me experience". If you don't want to go don't, but you're a rubbish friend making a nasty post to put down your so called friends event that she obviously is looking forward to.
Is it a nasty post? It wasn't meant to be?

My question was "Am I alone in dreading this kind of social event?" and the overwhelming conclusion (80%) is that I'm not.

I might have to organise something similar next year so useful to know people's thoughts.

OP posts:
PierresPotato · 03/04/2022 14:23

The going for twenty minutes and leaving discreetly sounds possible too.

thenightsky · 03/04/2022 14:24

thats weird, I looked at the photos and it appears you have a traditional set out table but no chair! see photo from the site below

I'd definitely take my picnic/camping chair to that one, and sit up at the table properly. Grin

Marvellousmadness · 03/04/2022 14:26

Option 1. Dont go
Option 2. Go but don't stay long

AND LAST but not least: who the hell said you needed to wear heels? No one

Favourodds · 03/04/2022 14:27

I'm not tall either (5ft 4) so people tend to talk 'over' me otherwise.

Hmm You're average height for a woman in the UK...

JellyfishandShells · 03/04/2022 14:32

Eat first, go, work the room ie have a brief chat everyone who matters to you - including the birthday girl! - chat to some new people. Vanish.

No one will think ill of you, you’ve done your social duty and hopefully had some fun - but also not made yourself uncomfortable.

5128gap · 03/04/2022 14:34

Can't believe the drama from some people about the thought of standing up for a few hours. Unless you have a health condition or disability, it's hardly 'horrific'. Do people never go to busy bars and stand, or gigs, concerts, sporting events? Also, the obsession with food! It looks pretty good to me from the OPs link, but if you don't fancy it surely eat before you go and leave it. I'd have thought the main focus of the evening was socialising not eating.

Dagnabit · 03/04/2022 14:40

It would be a hard no from me. Not too bothered about the food but I cannot stand for long periods. I can walk for miles but standing in one spot hurts my back. Causing my guests pain is not what I’d want from a celebration!

HelloDulling · 03/04/2022 14:42

@Jng1

Problem is all my 'smart' clothes really need at least a small heeled show and since covid I just can't wear them! All heels are uncomfortable now. I'm not tall either (5ft 4) so people tend to talk 'over' me otherwise.

I also suffered from backache and find standing for a long time really hard - so much so, that half the time I'm so busy concentrating on standing comfortably I really can't concentrate on conversations.

I guess I could buy a pair of glitzy trainers or something, but all my trousers would be too long then.

It sounds like it’s time to get all your trousers shortened, whether you go to the party or not.
catmothertes1 · 03/04/2022 14:43

@mycatisannoying

This is Mumsnet. It's pretty much a safe bet that this social event will be hated.
Is there anything good about it?
PierresPotato · 03/04/2022 14:44

Dagnabit same here, standing full time is the killer. I need to be able to sit a bit, stand a bit, walk a bit.😂

Neverreturntoathread · 03/04/2022 14:55

I’m 5 ft 1.

I never wear heels.

I have plenty of smart clothes and if people talk over me I find a way to assert myself and join the conversation.

Please don’t be one of those woman who hurt their feet because they think they have to.

Anyway if invited to an event you don’t fancy. yanbu to sneak off after 30 min 😬

Loopytiles · 03/04/2022 14:56

Lots of people experience pain when standing still, it’s often due to sitting too much in sedentary jobs - back pain. I’m doing pilates at the moment and it’s made a positive difference.

FinallyHere · 03/04/2022 14:59

standing in uncomfortable heels,

This really is an argument in favour of wearing only comfortable shoes.

Do you ever see men wearing uncomfortable shoes? Ever wonder why not?

I'm a similar height to you and am just working out what I can wear to dressy events even black tie , that goes not involve heels.

It's not easy but I am determined to not wear things that are not comfortable. Good luck in finding what works for you.

FinallyHere · 03/04/2022 15:02

Glitzy trainers sound perfect.

As for shortening the trousers, if you are not happy seeing, have you tried Wonderweb Wundaweb Extra Strong Hem Tape Iron On Fusible Fabric Tape No Sewing

BellePeppa · 03/04/2022 15:02

Just reading you describing it makes me want to go home already. I’d probably last half an hour then sneak out or make my excuses (migraine etc).

Ellmau · 03/04/2022 15:02

I agree it doesn't sound at all fun.

But when you say, Problem is all my 'smart' clothes really need at least a small heeled show

  • they really don't. You've just been indoctrinated by fashion.

Wear what you are comfortable in; and ask for a chair.

Alternatively, saying you're too anxious about catching covid before your holiday is an out, but one which may damage the friendship.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/04/2022 15:06

www.foodevents.co.uk/food/bowl-food/

I guess it's this kind of thing?

The food looks fine, if that's the sort of thing. I'll even try to forgive them using 'tantalising' to describe sweet and sour chicken.

I think the objection's to the lack of anywhere to sit down. And, yeah, I think that's a terrible idea. I mean, for kids, for the elderly, for anyone with back problems, for anyone prone to indigestion, for anyone in heels, for anyone who's just a bit knackered, for anyone trying to hold a drink at the same time, for....well, anyone, except possibly the three-armed, physically-fit, cheapskate, 20-something who came up with the idea.

LoisLane66 · 03/04/2022 15:07

I don't like the idea of grazing boards or foods that the rest of the party may have touched or coughed over. No thanks.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/04/2022 15:08

It just sounds like a normal party to me. My friend had one like that for her 40th and it was good fun. I'd have preferred more food and sit down but it was what she could afford and I enjoyed seeing her and friends. I do have plantar fasciitis and struggle with standing on hard floors for a long time, but I'm ok if I move around and wear the right shoes. I never wear heels so my clothes aren't designed for heels.

Things like busy bars and stand up concerts can be painful for my feet but I don't mind if it's something I'm keen to do, and paracetamol helps.

PebbleMillAtOne · 03/04/2022 15:08

Wear comfy shoes

HomeHomeInTheRange · 03/04/2022 15:08

So all those of you viewing this event with horror, what do you do at parties? Proper parties where everyone stands in the kitchen drinking, and going for a dance in the front room?

LoisLane66 · 03/04/2022 15:09

You could wear smart coonhound nude Oxford leather sneakers. They're a dream to wear with any outfit.

Booboobibles · 03/04/2022 15:09

@Jng1

Problem is all my 'smart' clothes really need at least a small heeled show and since covid I just can't wear them! All heels are uncomfortable now. I'm not tall either (5ft 4) so people tend to talk 'over' me otherwise.

I also suffered from backache and find standing for a long time really hard - so much so, that half the time I'm so busy concentrating on standing comfortably I really can't concentrate on conversations.

I guess I could buy a pair of glitzy trainers or something, but all my trousers would be too long then.

You need some Skecher’s sandals…they’re the best invention ever!
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