To dread a party with "stand-up bowl food" ?

[Jng1]

RSVPd yes to a 'save the date' for a friend's significant birthday party.
Just had the details through and it's in a tiny cafe/ restaurant with a guest list of about 60. Looked at pics on insta of other private parties and people are packed in like sardines in a low-ceilinged single room. No stools or seats anywhere.

Food is described as grazing boards then stand up bowl food.

Am I alone in dreading this kind of social event - standing in uncomfortable heels, juggling a glass and a plate/bowl and not being able to hear anyone. Wondering how long I have to stay before I can discreetly disappear?

(Yes, I know IABU and I should have just politely declined, but I thought it would be a sit down/ buffet type thingie!)

Sounds like a nice, normal do to me, I’d be very happy to go if I wanted to see the hosts and other guests.

I wouldn’t wear uncomfortable shoes though, I would wear jeans / jeggings with boots or my best trainers & a nice top. Comfort is key.

Small rooms are infinitely better than huge rooms that kill atmosphere.

Canapes and drinks are even worse, sticky greasy fingers, the filling is usually scalding or stone cold, there is never enough of them and guests are perishing quietly or get too drunk too quickly. It could be worse op!

@HomeHomeInTheRange

So all those of you viewing this event with horror, what do you do at parties? Proper parties where everyone stands in the kitchen drinking, and going for a dance in the front room?

Probably like many people here, what I usually did was sit on the stairs or the back doorstep and get off with a lad from the Upper Sixth.

Sorry but that sounds like my idea of hell. Hate crowds, hate cramped places, hate standing up & eating. Nothing relaxed or enjoyable about that at all. Not one redeeming feature.

I would have 2 things against this particular party.
The low ceilings and everyone packed into one room. I suffer from claustrophobia and just thinking about it makes panic.
The other is I do need somewhere to sit down occasionally even though I am usually fine on my feet normally (I never wear heels, always trainers) I have arthritis so it depends on the day how long I can take standing.
I would probably make use of the floor if there really wasn’t anywhere provided to sit on.
I would take a thick blanket folded in a square to act as a cushion in a bag and put it on the floor when I needed to sit.

Just go for a half hour, and see how it goes. Then you can come back here, and give a report on how it was. You won't need to wear anything fancy,if all the people are squashed together like sardines, so you can wear your slippers if you like.

They drink fine champagne for ten comfortable minutes, before being seated on plump and soft chairs for seven course supper by candlelight, served by the finest waiting staff and can subtly take their pretty heels off under the table. All expenses paid naturally, pref with carriages organised and paid for and ready at the end neverdrop

Fuck that.

Stand up bowl food is the new fork supper.

The minute you mention party (or, heaven forfend, wedding) people on MN start moaning. So many guestzillas.

If you don’t care for the set-up, quietly leave after a short interlude. There’s no pleasing everyone and you can’t expect your choice of food/drink/seating when it’s not your party.

Regarding buffets, I remember a wedding buffet that was a sort of “fork supper” and cringing when some elderly replies of the bride pulled up a couple of chairs and were sitting eating at the buffet table, whilst the other guests tried to dodge round and lean over them to reach the cold salmon…

Rellies of the bride, even

I would take a thick blanket folded in a square to act as a cushion in a bag and put it on the floor when I needed to sit

Please tell me you are joking??!!!! Well that is going to be just great for the host seeing you sat there having a picnic in the corner with your slippers on. Age UK night out is not quite the look she was going for.

if all the people are squashed together like sardines, so you can wear your slippers if you like

This sounds like a normal drinks party to me. Aren't they always standing around with nibbly food? I wouldn't wear heels, but then who does nowadays?

Absolutely not.

Grazing boards and bowl food.

My god I’d rather eat in a McDonalds.

And people make fun of the ‘70s/ ‘90s platform sandals and shoes. They were made for things like this, all the benefits of a heel, with little of the downside.

Wear flats
Have your dinner before you go
Leave early
I think you may be over thinking it.. it's only a birthday.. you're not being sent to a war zone! You might even enioy yourself!

Standing bowls were pretty much standard at conferences before the pandemic.
The bowls are small (like tapas) and they will cater for 4 per person on average. Caterers love them as they can count what they believe to be portions accurately, and it is better post covid than a buffet or grazing board because no one has to touch anyone else's meal.
The problem comes if the folk near the kitchen door eat more than 4.
It is very difficult to make small talk when you have ended up stuck at the opposite side of the room from the kitchen and you see the trays in the distance, doing a semi circle and heading back in, so your choice is to either have the rest of the function drowned out by your stomach growling or make yourself look like a lunatic by chasing the waiters around the room.

Good lord. It’s a party, put on a dress, get pissed and be glad of the invite.

@Thenose

Many people can't stand or walk for long periods but don't use mobility aids like sticks or wheelchairs. I'm one of them; I rely on journey planning and finding places to sit. I also couldn't hold a plate of food without kicking off a 2-day throbbing pain in my wrist.

In this day and age, who is designing social events that avoidably discriminate against disabled people? I couldn't go, but if I were able-bodied, I'd boycott on principle.

Oh don't be so silly. Are you also going to boycott bars, nightclubs, airports (a fucking nightmare if you've got mobility issues), sponsored walks, Park Run, all non-wheelchair sports, and every other leisure activity that's tricky for those of us with restricted mobility? People are allowed to have parties that aren't perfect for us. Grow up.

@jackieh1987

Fuck that.

Stand up bowl food is the new fork supper.

This just shows how different we all are! I’d love to be invited to a fork supper or similar.

@Swayingpalmtrees

I would take a thick blanket folded in a square to act as a cushion in a bag and put it on the floor when I needed to sit

Please tell me you are joking??!!!! Well that is going to be just great for the host seeing you sat there having a picnic in the corner with your slippers on. Age UK night out is not quite the look she was going for.

if all the people are squashed together like sardines, so you can wear your slippers if you like

Well then don’t invite someone with arthritis to a party without any seating.

The alternative is to stand around with your back, hips and knees screaming in agony whilst pretending you are a fit 20 year old. (Although at 20 my joints did used to make horrendous crunching sounds when I got up from a seated position)
Where did I say I would wear slippers?

@saltinesandcoffeecups

And people make fun of the ‘70s/ ‘90s platform sandals and shoes. They were made for things like this, all the benefits of a heel, with little of the downside.

Those are extremely fabulous 😍

I wish I could still wear heels of any sort.

The alternative is to stand around with your back, hips and knees screaming in agony whilst pretending you are a fit 20 year old. (Although at 20 my joints did used to make horrendous crunching sounds when I got up from a seated position)

Maybe someone will break out a spliff. Even if you don’t smoke, maybe you’ll get a contact high.

It really isn’t fair though, I am able bodied and had aching feet after 2 hours (but was wearing high heels) I can’t imagine if you have a disability that causes even worse than usual pain. Shame.

Eat before you go, then you're just having to hold a glass. Personally I prefer events where you can move freely, rather than being stuck next to just a couple of people for an hour during a meal.

I’ve just thought of a brilliant business idea. A website where people can register as guests and mark their requirements for social events. This way hosts won’t have the horror of planning a happy social bit of fun that is sneered at by their friends and family.

Host:  right what do we have here… well Aunt Doris won’t do a buffet, uncle Joe won’t sit for more than 3 course, Cousin Nigel won’t eat if meat is in the same building, Ruby will only come if kids are allowed, Fergus will not join kids welcome parties,  Susan will only come if she’s assured enough food so she won’t have to eat for a month after, Steven won’t abide by any poncy fancy food, Pippa demands a full open bar, and Lucy will only come if it’s a teetotale venue, and Betty will only attend if everyone is they are carried from the car in a throne like conveyance upholstered in down cushions, oh and Henry won’t travel more than 7 meters to the venue.  

The revenue could come from travel agencies, private therapy clinics specializing in extended family relationships, and alcohol adverts.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

They have ones that are essentially platform flats! No different than wearing a traditional flat. I discovered the brilliance of them in my misspent youth… 😉