To dread a party with "stand-up bowl food" ?

[Jng1]

RSVPd yes to a 'save the date' for a friend's significant birthday party.
Just had the details through and it's in a tiny cafe/ restaurant with a guest list of about 60. Looked at pics on insta of other private parties and people are packed in like sardines in a low-ceilinged single room. No stools or seats anywhere.

Food is described as grazing boards then stand up bowl food.

Am I alone in dreading this kind of social event - standing in uncomfortable heels, juggling a glass and a plate/bowl and not being able to hear anyone. Wondering how long I have to stay before I can discreetly disappear?

(Yes, I know IABU and I should have just politely declined, but I thought it would be a sit down/ buffet type thingie!)

Mingling is not a plus for me! Yes to not spending the whole evening with the same people, but I’m not up for constant mingling. I stopped going to professional events with networking elements years ago - too stressful. I find walking into a loud room of strangers being expected to launch into small talk with them awful, let alone having to keep repeating the process. All made worse by being short (the set-up is draining enough without me having to assert myself as someone says above) and having a quiet voice (literally cannot make myself heard once a room hits a certain noise level).

Buggered if I’d be doing it for ‘fun’! Sit-down is fine and small groups are fine, but loud, packed standing up events are just not something I’d put myself through.

[quote saltinesandcoffeecups]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

They have ones that are essentially platform flats! No different than wearing a traditional flat. I discovered the brilliance of them in my misspent youth… 😉[/quote]
Reveal your source immediately!

Er op this thread is giving me the itch to never host a party EVER again!

Who knew everyone would be so judgy and so hard to god damn please! It has made me want to hide at home forever more and never host again (and I love to organise parties and dinners)....

I must be easy to please, I am happy to be invited, always bring a present, take care with my appearance, eat before I leave, will chat to anyone and never get so drunk that my Bridget's would be on show. Any party will do, any venue as long as the wine is chilled (ish), seriously where do all these pearl clutching, flat shoed party poopers even come from!!!!!!!!!

Aaaahhhhhhhhh I can't stand this thread

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

www.shopstyle.co.uk/browse/sandals?fts=platform+slides

With pleasure! Happy shoe shopping!

@Swayingpalmtrees Completely agree. I do think threads like this take their flavour from the first few posts- if early posters had pointed out that it’s a bit ungrateful to complain about being invited to a party and given free food and drink by a good friend, I reckon it would have gone completely the other way. Also think there’s probably a higher proportion of unsociable people on here than the average, or at least people who choose to present themselves as unsociable and precious.

Still, it’s fun to read people who don’t know what bowl food is sneering about bowl food, and insisting in outraged tones that they don’t wear high heels for anyone, in relation to a party where there’s no suggestion of an obligation to wear heels and to which they’re not invited anyway 😂

[quote saltinesandcoffeecups]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

www.shopstyle.co.uk/browse/sandals?fts=platform+slides

With pleasure! Happy shoe shopping![/quote]
😀 thank you

There are loads of smart/glam flat shoes and boots. And 5'4" is hardly dwarf sized.

@saltinesandcoffeecups

I’ve just thought of a brilliant business idea. A website where people can register as guests and mark their requirements for social events. This way hosts won’t have the horror of planning a happy social bit of fun that is sneered at by their friends and family.

Host:  right what do we have here… well Aunt Doris won’t do a buffet, uncle Joe won’t sit for more than 3 course, Cousin Nigel won’t eat if meat is in the same building, Ruby will only come if kids are allowed, Fergus will not join kids welcome parties,  Susan will only come if she’s assured enough food so she won’t have to eat for a month after, Steven won’t abide by any poncy fancy food, Pippa demands a full open bar, and Lucy will only come if it’s a teetotale venue, and Betty will only attend if everyone is they are carried from the car in a throne like conveyance upholstered in down cushions, oh and Henry won’t travel more than 7 meters to the venue.  

The revenue could come from travel agencies, private therapy clinics specializing in extended family relationships, and alcohol adverts.

This is very good! Made me chuckle.

Turning up in slippers with rugs to sit on ffs obleisk !

Unless we are talking about a milestone of 100, I fail to see why the lack of chairs and cutlery makes any difference whatsoever, it is not a sign of a good party if everyone is sitting down is it - so that is solved by no chairs, stroke of genius! God forbid it is a small room with real people.

I think op's friend is bang on if the parties are anything like the ones we go to, where 60 are invited and she will be lucky if 18 show up on the night! She will be grateful for the small room, and can limit the number of bowls being churned out. I always did wonder why events are low in numbers recently - reading this thread now I know why. Unless it is an invite to the Ritz or Buckingham Palace they certainly won't be attending! I am already feeling sorry for op's friend, I am sure she will wish she hadn't bothered unless she has an upgrade in the friends department.

Who knew a friends special milestone celebration would be so dependent on a few chairs and a fork or two!

The bowl food sounds nice. The grazing boards, lack of seats and over crowding sounds like hell. Get covid / a terrible cold / etc the night before

Good god! A party where everyone is sat down? Sounds rubbish!! I guess we all have different tastes.

Most parties I go to everyone is standing up mingling and talking then perhaps dancing? I can’t imagine a party where everyone is sat down.

If I held a party I’d have some seating options but I’d be offended and think it was a rubbish party if everyone just sat down all night.

Don’t mind standing up with food chatting and eating. Each to their own. But just don’t go if you can’t stand up for a few hours and socialise.

I'd think of a reason/excuse not to go, and I'd give it a miss

Ha ha! I take on board that perhaps I sound a bit ungrateful! I will obviously have to find some glitzy wedges or flats and do my best.

Incidentally, what age birthday party would you say this event is best suited to? 20th? 40th? 60th? 80th?

I would say 40th/50th fine. My parents at 70 would be happy standing. My Dad chooses to stand at the bar in a pub all night at 72 because he likes to socialise. He hated the lockdown table service!

Biut admittedly from 60+ that type of stand up do wouldn’t be as a enjoyable for many. I hope I’m still standing and dancing at kitchen parties at that age though.

@MzHz

The very idea of grazing boards/tables makes me (not envy)

It’s grim, wasteful and needs to stop.

Totally agree, they are awful and so pretentious.

@Delatron I’m over 60 I still stand and dance at parties and concerts. (but there’s always somewhere to park your bum in between.)

Yes I think parties need the option of seats just I don’t think it would be much of a party if everyone was sat down. But I agree we all have different ideas of what a fun party would be.

I think its quite rude to expect people to stand up all evening. A chair is surely the basic minimum a host should provide.

up until I was 39.9 years old I would have dreaded this too - since I turned 40, I would just say I didn't want to go. Life is too short to do this sort of thing if you don't want to.

I find the MN attitude to events very odd. Not the preferences people have, as much as the really strong feelings of entitlement and anger towards hosts who don't plan their event to the persons liking. All the threads moaning about attending parties and weddings, with hosts called selfish and self centred for the type of occasion they plan. The obsession with being fed, like they're going to starve to death over the course of a few hours without the type of food they prefer. Begrudging spending any money at all, on presents, travel, anything. It comes across as so mean spirited and ungracious. If you don't want to go somewhere, just have the courtesy to decline, rather than sit there whinging behind people's backs while accepting their hospitality.

@5128gap

I find the MN attitude to events very odd. Not the preferences people have, as much as the really strong feelings of entitlement and anger towards hosts who don't plan their event to the persons liking. All the threads moaning about attending parties and weddings, with hosts called selfish and self centred for the type of occasion they plan. The obsession with being fed, like they're going to starve to death over the course of a few hours without the type of food they prefer. Begrudging spending any money at all, on presents, travel, anything. It comes across as so mean spirited and ungracious. If you don't want to go somewhere, just have the courtesy to decline, rather than sit there whinging behind people's backs while accepting their hospitality.

I posted about my similar party experience but have been to many lovely fun weddings, parties, christenings, birthdays, etc.

Should I post AIBU that I had a good time at xyz party? Would anyone care? went to birthday party, had fun, sat down, ate cake, got drunk. Fun time all around. AIBU?

Only reason to post is if you’ve got a complaint or are thinking hmmm, what’s this about then.

An there is no homogeneous “MN attitude”

As a wheelchair user, I would be refusing an invitation to this type of event because I wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone or hear what was being said to me. I like going to parties but I wouldn’t enjoy socialising with no seating or tables.

I’d suggest taking a laptray as well as a camping chair!

5’4 is hardly short so wear some comfy shoes. I never wear heels unless they are a moderate height wedge. Before I had back problems I could stand for hours at a time so something like this wouldnt bother me, i actuallly attended quite a few get together last like this. But now I’d have to sit after an hour or so. If there was no seating I would just leave and I would eat before I get there in case I didn’t enjoy the food.

@5128gap

I find the MN attitude to events very odd. Not the preferences people have, as much as the really strong feelings of entitlement and anger towards hosts who don't plan their event to the persons liking. All the threads moaning about attending parties and weddings, with hosts called selfish and self centred for the type of occasion they plan. The obsession with being fed, like they're going to starve to death over the course of a few hours without the type of food they prefer. Begrudging spending any money at all, on presents, travel, anything. It comes across as so mean spirited and ungracious. If you don't want to go somewhere, just have the courtesy to decline, rather than sit there whinging behind people's backs while accepting their hospitality.

isn't it more that people don't accept it well if you say "nah, i prefer not to attend". Especially if they have sent a Save the date months in advance.

so you are effectivly trapped into attending or having to make up some convaluted excuse about some forgotten commitment.

Arrive latish, wearing flats, leave early.

"Oh don't be so silly. Are you also going to boycott bars, nightclubs, airports (a fucking nightmare if you've got mobility issues), sponsored walks, Park Run, all non-wheelchair sports, and every other leisure activity that's tricky for those of us with restricted mobility? People are allowed to have parties that aren't perfect for us. Grow up."

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow, I clearly stated 'avoidable' discrimination, but you persisted in naming lots of examples of unavoidable discrimination in a disingenuous attempt to undermine my point. How 'mature'.

Are you cross 'cause your parties are shit? Just give people chairs and they won't slag you off on mn.