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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this an okay way to save some money?!

204 replies

Annoy · 01/04/2022 20:34

It’s probably really stupid… and likely illegal! But I’m desperate! Like many!

My son is a sensible 12.5yr old. He already comes home from school 2 hours before me. Him at 3, me at 5.

My daughter is a sensible 8.5yr old. She goes to a childminder after school until I pick her up at 5. This costs me approx £250 a month (she goes in the morn too).

They get on reasonably well for siblings, he can be very caring and supportive of her.

Her primary school allow older siblings to collect.

WIBU to have my son collect my daughter, walk home (house/school same village) and be with her for the 2hrs instead of CM?…. Guarantees they would watch telly for the whole time!

It actually sounds really U writing it down! If you think so too, what age would you allow this from?

Thanks

OP posts:
Menora · 03/04/2022 08:16

I have a 20 month age gap and I did a lot of this kind of thing when mine were younger as I needed to work and childcare was so expensive
The only issue is if your son has to stay on at school this could scupper you - a detention or a lesson or something?

Ll92 · 03/04/2022 09:17

I did this growing up with my younger sister. It sounds good, sounds like it’s worth saving the money but it’s not fair and not worth it. 12 year old should be able to be a 12 year old with no responsibility. I used to have to run from my secondary school to her primary school, when I was doing my mocks and even GCSE’s I couldn’t attend any of the after school revision classes as I had to go do the pick up, I wasn’t able to ever go to a friends after school if invited etc… it doesn’t work and isn’t fair on the 12 year old. Maybe once a week is okay, but 5 days a week I would advise against

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/04/2022 09:20

It sounds fine to me, but then kids walk home alone from school here age 9 which I know is a huge MN no-no Grin

My only concern would be that it's hugely restrictive for your 12yo and it may mean he misses our socially as he can't then go and hang out with his friends or go to the park or McDonald's or whatever after school.

Maybe ask him to do it 2-3 times a week so he doesn't feel like he's tied to doing it all the time Smile

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/04/2022 09:23

@Harmonypuss there's no legal age in the UK - it even says as much on the government website.

The reason you got into trouble is because your son was caught up in illegal activity and the police will have been of the opinion that it happened due to him being home alone.

Shardonneigghhh · 03/04/2022 09:34

My kids are a little bit older and I wouldn't have opted for this just yet. Maybe when the younger one is in her last year of primary. I just feel I am too far away at work if a situation came up that the older one at 12 is too young to handle.
One of my children came off the trampoline once and broke a bone. This was with me at home but I always think what if that was when they were home alone/together? Would they have been able to cope with that situation?

For me it is secondary school age for them to be at home after school, alone or together.

Tink24 · 03/04/2022 09:45

I did with my 10 yo & 12yo. Bought a cheapo home Security camera in aldi & kept in touch with the kids. I could see them & chat with them. They played on their gadgets until I got home. Also told them to go to a neighbour in case of emergency & made sure the eldest always had his phone charged & at hand. Worked really well. Don't think it's breaking the law.

LaDamaDeElche · 03/04/2022 09:47

I live in Spain and what you are describing would be fairly normal here.

Moody123 · 03/04/2022 10:58

I don't think SS can get involved as , as far as I am aware there is no minimum age to be left alone.
It is purely on the maturity of said child / children
Given they could go to a neighbour for 'help' if needed and they are aware of what to do in a fire / emergency , I would go for it, it doesn't seem too much of an issue to me
However could maybe you take your lunch at the end of the day so it's only one hour, a few people at work do this

Harmonypuss · 03/04/2022 11:08

@babynanny
@Harmonypuss there’s no legal requirement that children are 12/14/16?
The police shouldn’t have incorrectly cautioned you and I would have refused to accept a caution in those circumstances!
However they cautioned you over a 13 year old so clearly 12 isn’t a legal limit.

2@fairylightsandwaxmelts
@Harmonypuss there's no legal age in the UK - it even says as much on the government website.
The reason you got into trouble is because your son was caught up in illegal activity and the police will have been of the opinion that it happened due to him being home alone.

I did say that my experience was several years ago, it was in fact 12yrs ago, so the law MAY have changed BUT I would have thought that the way kids are mollycoddled these days that the rules would be even stricter.
As far as the 'illegal activity' was concerned, the police didn't do anything about that at all, they were more concerned with the fact that my very self-sufficient, quiet, well-behaved son was left on his own for the morning whilst i was at work.
Social Services were brought into it and I was informed by them and the police that even though the law said it was OK at 12, even at almost 14, it was frowned upon to leave a child unattended at home in case they tried to make a hot drink or prepare something to eat and hurt themselves. My son had been cooking and making hot drinks with no problems since he was about 8 (I'm disabled and he's helped with household stuff since a very young age) but the authorities weren't interested in our personal circumstances.
The way the caution was put to me was that they planned to prosecute me for leaving him home alone but if I would accept the caution there and then, they wouldn't take the matter any further. I was upset about what had happened at home and clearly terrified of being prosecuted, so I took the caution, not realising (or being told) that this would become an official safeguarding matter.
Granted, I didn't have a solicitor, I didn't think I needed one for something that I believed I was legally OK to do because I'd checked the legality before leaving him alone in the first place.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/04/2022 11:22

I don't think SS can get involved as , as far as I am aware there is no minimum age to be left alone.

Yes and no.

There is no legal minimum age, however if something goes wrong (eg. a fire or a child getting injured) and it's determined that it wouldn't have happened if the kids hadn't been left alone, then the police/SS can get involved.

In other words, it's not illegal to leave them home alone, if you leaving them home alone results in them being at risk of harm, then it becomes illegal and you can be prosecuted for it.

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

I suspect this is what happened in @Harmonypuss' case.

Her son wasn't in danger because he was home alone, but when he was scared and the police got involved, they would have thought "this wouldn't have happened (ie. he wouldn't have been scared and panicked) if mum had been home to look after him.

missnevermind · 03/04/2022 11:25

My children's primary school does not allow siblings under 16 to collect them.
But they do allow years 5 and 6 to walk home alone if you have signed a permission slip.
So we signed the slip and my year 5 daughter would meet her year 7 brother at the gate and they would walk home together.
School would not agree to him picking her up but were perfectly happy for her to go home alone 🙄

WineIsMyMainVice · 03/04/2022 11:28

Could you put in a flexible working request at work (maybe have shorter lunch or som) so that you can finish early one or two afternoons? If your job is the kind of work that this might be possible it might mean 1 or 2 less days of CM costs? Good luck.

mamabear715 · 03/04/2022 12:57

Sounds fine to me, OP.

Rewis · 03/04/2022 13:13

Totally normal for 8yo to be home for a few hours alone or with siblings after school where I'm at. I know it's not appropriate in some places. So I'd say it's totally totally if you think it's fine. However, I do think you need to adjust it to the local area. If it's unheard of in your location then I'd wait for a while.

Member984815 · 03/04/2022 14:26

They may be very sensible, but I wouldn't want a 12 year old to be responsible for another child. Is there a neighbour they could go to if there was an emergency?

CatOutOfHell · 03/04/2022 18:27

@missnevermind

My school does this. The siblings weren’t always particularly reliable with collecting and were also not easy to contact. They can absolutely still come to collect Y5/6 pupils but we also request the ‘walk home’ consent to cover the sibling not turning up.

Marmite27 · 03/04/2022 18:31

At 13 I used to babysit for the neighbours 3 month old baby!

ididntevennotice · 03/04/2022 18:53

@Marmite27

At 13 I used to babysit for the neighbours 3 month old baby!

I can't actually tell whether that exclamation marks means you think it's fine for OP to leave her DC or not.

theresapossuminthekitchen · 03/04/2022 21:15

I would do this fairly happily with my sensible 8.5 year old (assuming the older one was 12.5 and reasonably responsible as yours is), though I'd trial it for a couple of days a week to start with. Check in with them regularly and with clear expectations including what to do in certain scenarios, carefully talked through and 'practised'.

Murdoch1949 · 03/04/2022 23:26

There’s no legal age stipulated for looking after siblings, so that’s one thing out of the way. Maybe trial one day a week next term, your early finish day, and see how it works out. Could you have your older child do 3 days and the childminder 2, or do they need a full time child? I was just thinking of the burden on your older child. I know that kids come home from school, have a snack & disappear to their rooms until dinner, so they’re unlikely to get up to mischief.

Lougle · 04/04/2022 06:49

"There’s no legal age stipulated for looking after siblings, so that’s one thing out of the way."

It's not quite as simple as that. The law says that it's illegal to leave a child "unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’."

The NSPCC says "children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time."

If something happened, you would have to justify your decision to leave them alone against prevailing guidance. It would be for the prosecutor to prove that your decision was unreasonable but the fact that one child is only just within NSPCC guidelines and the other is well below would not help.

Bunnycat101 · 04/04/2022 07:52

I think it is a bit too young but more broadly it doesn’t seem great for the two kids. At the childminder the youngest is presumably getting fed and having some attention/social interaction. If you think both kids would just come home and watch tv for a few hours its not that great. Also I think it’s a hell of a bind for your eldest. No activities, no impromptu trips to a cafe after school, seeing friends at their houses or yours. It’s that side of things that would bother me more than the age.

TheOriginalMother · 04/04/2022 10:29

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bexollie · 06/04/2022 08:08

Kids cannot be collected from school unless they are 16 or over where we live what if one had an accident just get them looked after properly kids come first

Quincythequince · 06/04/2022 08:14

She’s a sensible 8.5 year old until that one day that maybe she’s not. He’s a sensible 12.5 year old until he gets distracted by something else (as teens quite understandably do).

This is way too much of a burden for your son to have placed upon him on a permanent basis.

YWBU to do this, you really would.