Is this an okay way to save some money?!

[Annoy]

It’s probably really stupid… and likely illegal! But I’m desperate! Like many!

My son is a sensible 12.5yr old. He already comes home from school 2 hours before me. Him at 3, me at 5.

My daughter is a sensible 8.5yr old. She goes to a childminder after school until I pick her up at 5. This costs me approx £250 a month (she goes in the morn too).

They get on reasonably well for siblings, he can be very caring and supportive of her.

Her primary school allow older siblings to collect.

WIBU to have my son collect my daughter, walk home (house/school same village) and be with her for the 2hrs instead of CM?…. Guarantees they would watch telly for the whole time!

It actually sounds really U writing it down! If you think so too, what age would you allow this from?

Thanks

Thank you for your replies. A few things to think about.

My son is currently in yr7… He’s a Sept baby.

Our village is small, we live on a road with a high proportion of retired folk, so always someone about in an emergency… but wouldn’t want to rely on them for anything else or too often.

I work 9 miles away, so can be home in 20 mins if any issues. My husband works offshore, so not about at all when he’s away for 3 weeks, however my son wouldn’t have to do pick up whilst dh is home, which again is for 3 weeks.

I might trial it on a Friday as I finish half hour earlier then.

Thanks

I think it’s fine personally. My son was getting the train for two hours every other week to see his father when he was 12. I remember mentioning that on here once and by the reaction of some people you’d have thought I was allowing him to inject heroin 😆 You know your kids the best so do what you think is right.

@JurassicPerks

Couple of thoughts: Does your son comfortably have enough time to get between schools? What happens if your son wants to do an afterschool club? Or gets a detention? Who could collect your daughter? By doing that, do you loose a holiday space at the childminder? On tye surface, itcsounds possible, but I think the logistics might prove troublesome. Couid you start with just a Friday?

His bus stops outside the primary school, 5 mins before pick up time.

He didn’t do any after school sounds, but yes, it’s worth keeping in mind that this could change.

Thankfully they don’t do after school detentions at his school.

My current childminder is very flexible, for random pick ups. I also don’t work school hols

I will test it out one days a week first. Thanks

I think it's too young. If something happens you have to be able to justify your decision and I think a 12 year old being responsible for an 8 year old would not go down well.

We brought ourselves home from school from being in infants school - DB is a year above me, my DS is 2 years below me. So my DB did thus alone - but with a group of neighbours kids from 5yo. I joined him tge next year and my DS 2 years later. But my DM was a SAHM so she was always in until I got to about 9 or 10, then we had to wait fir her in our garden, maybe 39mins or so.

If there's a crowd of them all going in the same direction, I think it's OK esp if there's a parent collecting a child from your DDs school and who walks tge same way. You might but the parent an occasional something small by way of thank you.

I'm sure your kids once home will be fine for 2 hours. But you have to have rules - no cooking no answering the door. If tgey answer the phone take a message and say you'll call them back - you're having a shower/cooking tea etc.

An emergency contact locally would also be useful.

Trial it and see....

No. I think he is too young to have responsibility for an 8 year old

This sounds like an absolutely fine idea. Only on MN would it be debated with so much caution. In real life people just get on with these kind of normal solutions.

My daughter is 8.5 and as sensible as you get, but I wouldn’t t leave her with her equally sensible 12 year old sister every day for that long. Maybe when she’s 10 I might.

I think until you think dd is old enough to walk home by herself then is the time ds could look after her.

I think it's certainly worth a try (especially seeing in a later post that it would be '3 weeks on, 3 weeks off' which makes it seem much less of an imposition on your eldest).

You know your children. For some this wouldn't work, for others it's no big deal / they'd thrive. I sometimes think in our modern desire to not overburden our children we deprive them of the opportunity to relish a bit of competence and responsibility.

I think its lots of responsibility to put on 12 year olds shoulders and takes away his freedom a bit. No option to hang out with mates afterschool or go out a play.

Some of These replies are so weird! "Let him be a child" its literally 2 hours ffs. He'd be at home himself anyway and for the first 2 hours most kids are at home they're settling in, having a snack, watching TV maybe playing in the garden. No harm at all OP. Do the trial then go for it. If you feel really off maybe see if you can get home 30 mins earlier or so as a compromise.

I think it's unfair to put that responsibility on your son.

It’s worth checking with your school that they are willing to release your 8 year old to your 12 year old. My school wouldn’t like this and if it weren’t pre arranged, you’d get a call to check it out.

I think it’s too young, and wouldn’t allow it until the youngest is at secondary school.

I'd be inclined to trial it.
However, how will it work if he wants to hang with friends after school now the weather is getting better?

It’s incredibly unfair on your 12 year old.

You’re essentially saying to him that he can’t go to after school activities or see friends after school because he needs to look after his sister so you can save money.

You’re excluding him from his friendship group that way.

I think it's absolutely fine. I too have dc who get on with each other and the oldest would not see being in her own house with her own sister as an extra responsibility.

@inmyslippers

Let your 12 year old be a kid longer. They deserve a childhood not being mini parents to siblings

This.

I was babysitting my sister's kids from age 11 - they were 3 and 1. I grew up in a big family with lots of babies/children though. I did manage to set the house on fire once mind you. But I got the kids out, called the fire brigade and had the fire extinguished by the time they arrived 🙈. You know your kids best and know if they're mature enough OP.

In September will they be Year 8 and Year 5? I would probably do it then.

It's parentification and it can have very adverse affects far down the line from here. It's simply not fair as it's not your inner world you're putting this on, it's a child's

It's fine, my Y7 DD loved the responsibility. Collected her sibling and kept me informed. They'd grab a snack and watch TV until I got back.

Personally i wouldn't, however i can be very over protective. I think only you can answer this as you know your children, how you feel about it and if you trust them enough to do this. I'm sure many years ago it was common for siblings to do this. Good luck on whatever you decide to do, it's tough times

This isn’t about whether a 12 year old can be trusted to look after an 8 year old IMO. It’s about expecting that 12 year old to essentially look after your 8 year old 5 days a week, meaning he isn’t entitled to a social life of his own or to be a child.

And what about the school holidays? Assuming you don’t work term-time only will he be expected to give up his holidays to look after his sister as well?