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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an okay way to save some money?!

204 replies

Annoy · 01/04/2022 20:34

It’s probably really stupid… and likely illegal! But I’m desperate! Like many!

My son is a sensible 12.5yr old. He already comes home from school 2 hours before me. Him at 3, me at 5.

My daughter is a sensible 8.5yr old. She goes to a childminder after school until I pick her up at 5. This costs me approx £250 a month (she goes in the morn too).

They get on reasonably well for siblings, he can be very caring and supportive of her.

Her primary school allow older siblings to collect.

WIBU to have my son collect my daughter, walk home (house/school same village) and be with her for the 2hrs instead of CM?…. Guarantees they would watch telly for the whole time!

It actually sounds really U writing it down! If you think so too, what age would you allow this from?

Thanks

OP posts:
Lovely13 · 02/04/2022 19:24

If the kids are sensible and happy with arrangement, I’d say it’s fine. A useful neighbour in case of emergency would be handy. Remember a year 7 boy used to pick up his sibling from my son’s reception class. They walked home together. All fine. I was envious,
Could never have done the same with mine, as they spent their younger days in constant warfare. They like each other now, though.

dondon23 · 02/04/2022 19:26

I think that's a lot of responsibility for a 12.5yr old and would maybe wait until your older child was 14-15.
Imagine if something went wrong.... one of the kids had an accident or they decided to cook something and caused a fire etc. How guilty would you feel / how guilty would your children feel?

One of my friends did this a few years ago with children of a similar age. One day the children accidentally locked themselves out and she sent them to my house (about 1.5 miles walk away) Long story short, I wasn't at home and when her kids were banging on my door she rang to find out where I was and when I said I wouldn't be home for 2-3 hours I got a right mouthful about how she was going to have to leave work followed by a text later that night saying that her and her husband were disappointed at how unreliable a friend I was!!
It went very quiet for a few weeks when I replied saying that it would have been nice to have been asked in advance if I was able or willing to be on call to cover her childcare duties...

DinaofCloud9 · 02/04/2022 19:32

I think it's fine.

Weareallvirgins · 02/04/2022 19:34

Your 12 yr old isnt a babysitter. He might have plans after school. Walking with the lads or a girlfriend. He has to have a life not be a part time parent

DrSK2 · 02/04/2022 19:40

Your eldest is still a child and is entitled to act as such. He is not a babysitter and should not be given such a big responsibility. Sorry to say that but I cannot genuinely understand why people have child/ren if they are not financially or logistically able to look after them properly? Is it a must for everyone to populate?

MildredHubblesBroom · 02/04/2022 19:49

I think it would be fine. You know your own children. I think it would teach them responsibility. I would leave snacks out etc. say that the first week is a trial and make the treat you do with the money you save on a child minder an incentive to behave responsibly. You should probably go through some scenarios e.g. what to do if someone got ill/the doorbell rings/nearest person to contact in an emergency etc. though.

MummyToOrla · 02/04/2022 20:01

You say that Ds primary school allows older siblings to collect but I would check what ages that applies at and to. I am a primary teacher and have never known a school to allow siblings under 16 (or 18 in some cases) to collect younger ones.

caringcarer · 02/04/2022 20:05

I would not leave child under 14 home alone. My 13 year old son had a fire when home for 30 mins before me. Toaster caught on fire, alarm went off in kitchen but unbelievably he wanted to get to end of level before going to see what was wrong. He opened door and whoosh fire taken hold in kitchen. I arrived same time as fire engine. £60k damage to house. Thank goodness well insured. The kitchen looked like a black hole and smoke went too other rooms. We head to too stay in b and b for 2 weeks then rental for 6 months whilst our house was put back together. After fire brigade water everywhere and anything stainless steel went rusty. Never would leave under 14 again. I had always thought he was sensible too.

ididntevennotice · 02/04/2022 20:15

@caringcarer

I would not leave child under 14 home alone. My 13 year old son had a fire when home for 30 mins before me. Toaster caught on fire, alarm went off in kitchen but unbelievably he wanted to get to end of level before going to see what was wrong. He opened door and whoosh fire taken hold in kitchen. I arrived same time as fire engine. £60k damage to house. Thank goodness well insured. The kitchen looked like a black hole and smoke went too other rooms. We head to too stay in b and b for 2 weeks then rental for 6 months whilst our house was put back together. After fire brigade water everywhere and anything stainless steel went rusty. Never would leave under 14 again. I had always thought he was sensible too.

I hope people take note of this. I often read on posts about leaving kids home alone that they would never know because they are glued to TV/phone/console and that is the absolute opposite of what you want when leaving a child home alone. They must be aware of what is going on around them.

ThistleTits · 02/04/2022 21:09

@there is a big difference between him being responsible for himself and also being responsible for an 8 year old.

ThistleTits · 02/04/2022 21:11

@Weareallvirgins

Your 12 yr old isnt a babysitter. He might have plans after school. Walking with the lads or a girlfriend. He has to have a life not be a part time parent
100% this ^
Mandyjack · 02/04/2022 21:18

@Annoy

It’s probably really stupid… and likely illegal! But I’m desperate! Like many!

My son is a sensible 12.5yr old. He already comes home from school 2 hours before me. Him at 3, me at 5.

My daughter is a sensible 8.5yr old. She goes to a childminder after school until I pick her up at 5. This costs me approx £250 a month (she goes in the morn too).

They get on reasonably well for siblings, he can be very caring and supportive of her.

Her primary school allow older siblings to collect.

WIBU to have my son collect my daughter, walk home (house/school same village) and be with her for the 2hrs instead of CM?…. Guarantees they would watch telly for the whole time!

It actually sounds really U writing it down! If you think so too, what age would you allow this from?

Thanks

Do you have someone who could pop in and check they are both OK like a neighbour? Is he sensible and able to cope in an emergency? Can both be trusted not to answer the door?
pensterino · 02/04/2022 22:02

My mother, unusually, worked FT back in the sixties. My sister and I were latchkey kids from the ages of 8 and 10. It was fine. I used to cook dinner three or four times a week....

MardyMandy · 02/04/2022 22:38

His bus stops outside the primary school, 5 mins before pick up time

Is the bus completely reliable? Our local buses often miss or are late.

user1472151176 · 02/04/2022 23:02

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable because I am a massive worrier but I dont think it's unreasonable. I think it really does depend on your children and how sensible they are and how confident you are. I don't know about the legality of it though. Maybe check the legal side and then a trial

Blueink · 03/04/2022 01:25

Eldest at least 14

Harmonypuss · 03/04/2022 03:18

I've only flicked through the first page of responses but LEGALLY, no child should be left ALONE until they're at least 12 but when it comes to looking after a younger sibling they have to be at least 14, 16 if they're not siblings.

I would also point out that if anything happens when you're not there, you will still be held responsible.

I was in the situation several years ago when my son was 13yrs10mths old, I was at work in the school Easter holiday and some obnoxious oiks kids who were part of the local bullying gang broke into our garden, committing criminal damage and threatening my son who phoned me and I called the police. I shot out of work, arriving home 2mins behind the police.

Long story short, despite it being perfectly legal for me to leave my son at home alone, him being extremely grown up/sensible for his age and he'd been minding his own business in our home, because he'd been threatened by these other kids, the police cautioned me for leaving him home alone and reported me to the Safeguarding Authority. Fortunately, following a conversation with the SA and with the support of our school and my employer, I was able to get my name removed from their list (it would have caused me to lose my job if we hadn't been able to) but it's not normally an easy thing to do.

So, my advice to you is to either continue paying your childminder OR cut your hours at work so that you can be at home with the kids outside school hours.

Ericaequites · 03/04/2022 06:11

I’m a Gen Xer who sees this as normal. Try a couple days a week until next September, and then go full time. Make rules about cooking even in microwave, leave plated snacks in fridge, and offer small retainer to a neighbor for possible emergency. At 12, I was hiking around auto race infields, pushing a family friend’s baby in a stroller. No on worried about us.

Ericaequites · 03/04/2022 06:11

It was an hour or little more, but home is much safer.

thebabynanny · 03/04/2022 07:12

@Harmonypuss there’s no legal requirement that children are 12/14/16?
The police shouldn’t have incorrectly cautioned you and I would have refused to accept a caution in those circumstances!
However they cautioned you over a 13 year old so clearly 12 isn’t a legal limit.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/04/2022 07:42

I probably wouldn't have done it. However, once I was 9, I walked home from school alone (about a mile) and let myself into an empty house. My Mum got home from work an hour and a half later. It didn't bother me at all!

caprimoon · 03/04/2022 07:57

Could you get a babysitter? An older teen who would sit at your house until you got home?
Might save you a bit of money if you can find the right person.

MeanderingGently · 03/04/2022 08:03

Of course it's possible, children are very over protected these days. I used to be left much younger and I left mine at these ages, but I'm in my 60s and times are different.

Make sure they lock the door. Also give them lessons on what to do....my children knew to watch toasters, never use the grill, what to do in case of a power cut, how and when to call the police etc. We would discuss things like leaving a key in the door so that if there was a fire and the place was filled with smoke, they could crawl to the door and unlock it without having to find a key.

It made the children very responsible and mature and did them no harm....and they never needed the emergency training either.

Might also be nice to offer them some sort of small treat or incentive for each week they manage without mishap or argument.

Darbs76 · 03/04/2022 08:06

I had a similar gap but no I wouldn’t have wanted my DS to have that responsibility but they did need to take a bus. Maybe if he only had to walk her a short distance home I’d have considered it. I paid for a childminder until DD left to go to secondary. Maybe start trying it once per week, see how he goes. Maybe a day you could leave work a little earlier

Sswhinesthebest · 03/04/2022 08:11

I would only do it if I’d asked a couple of neighbours beforehand, if the kids could contact them or go round if necessary or if they were worried about anything.
Then they and you are reassured that adult support is close at hand.