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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an okay way to save some money?!

204 replies

Annoy · 01/04/2022 20:34

It’s probably really stupid… and likely illegal! But I’m desperate! Like many!

My son is a sensible 12.5yr old. He already comes home from school 2 hours before me. Him at 3, me at 5.

My daughter is a sensible 8.5yr old. She goes to a childminder after school until I pick her up at 5. This costs me approx £250 a month (she goes in the morn too).

They get on reasonably well for siblings, he can be very caring and supportive of her.

Her primary school allow older siblings to collect.

WIBU to have my son collect my daughter, walk home (house/school same village) and be with her for the 2hrs instead of CM?…. Guarantees they would watch telly for the whole time!

It actually sounds really U writing it down! If you think so too, what age would you allow this from?

Thanks

OP posts:
Saracen · 01/04/2022 23:40

Sounds good to me.

So your husband works 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off, meaning your son would only have to babysit his sister half the time? Even better. It would be nice for him if he can go off with his friends after school sometimes.

Confusedmonkey · 01/04/2022 23:41

OP, in case you haven't seen it and it is helpful to you, the NSPCC have some advice about siblings babysitting. I don't seem to be able to paste the link, but if you google "NSPCC siblings babysitting" I think it will come up.

Doggirl · 01/04/2022 23:42

DGM left school at 12 to start work because her dad had died and she needed to help support her numerous younger siblings.
I'm obviously not saying that was ideal, but it does point up how slowly children are expected to grow up these days.

Smoothsoul · 01/04/2022 23:45

I would do it. You know your children and if you think thy be fine I’d do it.
Leave a sandwich in the fridge or something that they can snack on without cooking. By the time they come home, change out of uniform and settle you’ll be almost home.

TheHateIsNotGood · 01/04/2022 23:50

As long as you and your dc are fine with it then there's no problem really. Ffs how did any women work ever before there was any free childcare - probably with less resources than you.

It's not too young and shame on any pp here for trying to make you feel bad just for trying to make 'ends meet' in a probably safer and more dependable way than any unrealistic expectations found here.

Kennykenkencat · 01/04/2022 23:51

I think once per week to start with and if it is going well then 2 then 3 times per week etc
However I would put in place a plan B if Ds gets held up at school ever or something happens and he can’t make it to Dd in time

Also is there anything your Ds wants to do as an after school activity that would be impacted by him collecting Dd from school.
I would make it clear to your Ds that if he wants to do an activity at anytime then on those days you will find alternative arrangements

BrieAndChilli · 01/04/2022 23:55

My DD is 13 (year 9) and just did her first night paid babysitting today for a friends 11 year old (year 6).
I would let her look after my niece who is 8 no problem.

mowly77 · 02/04/2022 00:10

I’d do this - like other posters I’m surprised so many people are against it! It’s only 2 hours on school days, it’s not like you’re taking your son’s childhood away and asking him to be responsible for his sibling round the clock … at that age (12) I was left alone for sure after school for a few hours. Even younger in fact - from 10/11 fairly often. I was sensible.

Can you trial it for a few days a week and still keep your childminder place? And once you’re happy it works well give up the childminder place? I totally get why you would want to it’s a huge amount of money that could be spent in other things for the family.

TokenGinger · 02/04/2022 00:16

I think this is fine if you know he can be trusted.

I was 12 when my mum and dad separated and we moved house further away from school. It was my responsibility to pick up my 5 year old brother from primary school and walk home/get the bus home with him. I was always sensible enough to do that and mum trusted me.

Scbchl · 02/04/2022 00:32

Mine are 12 and 9, Id do it if they didn't fight like absolute cat and dog.

sarah13xx · 02/04/2022 00:42

Seems like a totally reasonable way to save money and most likely be fine but maybe leaving it a bit longer is best. When I was a child my mum’s friend did this and allowed her son to watch her daughter for a few hours. The house alarm went off and because it wasn’t switched off the police were alerted. They arrived at the house (which was out in the countryside) to be greeted by their 12 year old who had to admit they were home alone 🙈 They got a bit of a slap on the wrist for it!

Cleanbedlinen12 · 02/04/2022 08:38

We did it as kids. I’ve done it with mine. They knew to go to neighbours. Just ate snacks and played together. I told them they had to look after each other, so it’s not all on the older child and the younger child felt grown up. They were fine. They called me once when they managed to lock themselves out but enjoyed the adventure and coping. I think it made them feel responsible tbh

Orangello · 02/04/2022 09:50

I let my children do that and they're younger than yours. No problems and of course they know how to call us, or emergency services and they know all the neighbours so can always run out for help if needed. I was babysitting neighbours' kids when I was 12 so would be funny to still hire a separate babysitter with a willing and able 12yo at home.

BrutusMcDogface · 02/04/2022 10:10

Things were different when we were growing up in the 80s/90s. My parents left us alone for whole days in the holidays but my dad worked downstairs (flat above business) and would pop up and make sure we were ok from time to time. I was between 8-10 and brother is 2 years younger. I suppose we were safer because he was right there and all of his colleagues knew we were there, too.

BrutusMcDogface · 02/04/2022 10:10

To add, I do leave my 12 year old home alone. Just not with any of her younger siblings.

BrutusMcDogface · 02/04/2022 10:12

I’ve just remembered the time we snuck out to the shops on our own, bought a multipack of crisps and ate the lot in one sitting. 🙊 Nobody ever knew or found out.

FloralsForSpring · 02/04/2022 10:17

It's not really fair on the 12 year old. They are adjusting to secondary school and need to decompress when they come home not have the responsibility.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 02/04/2022 10:29

@CavernousScream

Too young IMO. Maybe when she’s 10?
Yes that's what I was thinking too. It is a lot of responsibility for a 12.5 year old. Fine if things tick along, not so fine if anything unusual happens.
Chely · 02/04/2022 10:37

DH was responsible for his younger siblings from that age, they were 3 & 6 years younger than him. He now thinks it was extremely irresponsible of his parents and he left home at 16 to escape responsibilities forced upon him too young.

I wouldn't put that burden on our 16 year old, she likes to spend time with friends after school.

lljkk · 02/04/2022 11:55

Short answer:
Too much hassle and the decision isn't really yours, anyway.

Long:
Social services would get on your case if they found out. Now you've told MN you've probably told someone in your community who wouldn't dream of offering any support, but will eagerly tell social services because they disapprove (but won't say anything sincere to your face about that).

Ukholidaysaregreat · 02/04/2022 14:03

I think it's a really good idea to trial it on a Friday. If it works well I would run it from next year. Y8 and Y5. Our school is happy for kids to be released to older siblings or walk home alone from Y5. It's only 2 hrs till you are back. Sounds like a great way to save £250.

cecilthehungryspider · 02/04/2022 14:25

You know your children and your situation best. My eldest and youngest would have been fine at those ages, not sure about my middle one. My youngest walked home alone from y4 getting home 10 mins before me. Summer birthday so 8yo for most of the year. One day a week youngest at that age would walk home, let themself in, get changed and gather sports equipment then go off to do sport with a neighbour. Neighbour's teen would pop over to just check that the house was locked up properly before they left. Super-sensible child though. Having worked in a school there are many children that age I would not trust to do that tbf. That's why it's important to make the judgement based on the child and not on the age. Just make sure that both children are happy with the arrangement. I think starting with one day a week is sensible.

Original poster
Annoy · 02/04/2022 17:08

@lljkk

Short answer: Too much hassle and the decision isn't really yours, anyway.

Long:
Social services would get on your case if they found out. Now you've told MN you've probably told someone in your community who wouldn't dream of offering any support, but will eagerly tell social services because they disapprove (but won't say anything sincere to your face about that).

🤣 very true!
OP posts:
angela99999 · 02/04/2022 17:46

I went back to work when my youngest was 5, her oldest brother and sister were 11 and 14. The 11 year old took her and her 8 year old brother home from school and looked after them until their 14 year old big sister got home (an hour) and then she looked after them for an hour or so. It worked out well, but I did give them extra pocket money too.
I don't think I would have been happy with them doing it whilst they were at primary school.

Carpedimum · 02/04/2022 17:52

That’s a big saving to improve their overall quality of life. You’ll need some strict rules to support it. I was a sensible mature kid, at 8 I went home alone for a while; my mum hated it, said she was sorry I’d be a latch-key kid, I had no clue what that meant. She was helping her boss out through a busy patch. All was well until the day I didn’t go straight home and played in the playground instead, I fell off a bar and broke my arm. That was a long time ago & there were no consequences, but I think some busybody would stick their nose in now.