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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an okay way to save some money?!

204 replies

Annoy · 01/04/2022 20:34

It’s probably really stupid… and likely illegal! But I’m desperate! Like many!

My son is a sensible 12.5yr old. He already comes home from school 2 hours before me. Him at 3, me at 5.

My daughter is a sensible 8.5yr old. She goes to a childminder after school until I pick her up at 5. This costs me approx £250 a month (she goes in the morn too).

They get on reasonably well for siblings, he can be very caring and supportive of her.

Her primary school allow older siblings to collect.

WIBU to have my son collect my daughter, walk home (house/school same village) and be with her for the 2hrs instead of CM?…. Guarantees they would watch telly for the whole time!

It actually sounds really U writing it down! If you think so too, what age would you allow this from?

Thanks

OP posts:
SundaysinKernow · 01/04/2022 22:00

I reckon it’s fine. You know your kids, it’s just a couple of hours. I’m assuming your 12 yr old has a phone and could get hold of you if there was an issue?

ZenNudist · 01/04/2022 22:00

My dc are similar ages. No way would I let ds1 pick up ds2. Sounds like neglect

GlasswareisOverated · 01/04/2022 22:01

Much more acceptable than my ex husband, very complex situation, he left my eight year old alone with his younger step sister and brother. Who where very young at the time.
No money for lawyers, so nothing I could do to change the situation.
I walked home by myself at the age of 11 and probably started picking my sister up from the childminder when I was 14.

ZenKaleidoscope · 01/04/2022 22:03

I think once a week in about a years time. Defo not every night it'll be too much of a chore and he could get annoyed or frustrated with it and take it out on her.

SafelySoftly · 01/04/2022 22:04

What if your son’s bus is delayed/cancelled? No way would I do this. It is neglectful and not fair on either of them. I’d be getting a job with more hours to pay for childcare to be honest.

TimeSlipMushroom · 01/04/2022 22:12

My brother at age 11 looked after me after school from age 7. He often forgot to fetch me from school and whilst we usually got on ok he did once pretend to be dead which was somewhat distressing!

We also enjoyed our favourite game of sliding down the stairs on a tea tray

TheCanyon · 01/04/2022 22:20

We did this at a younger age and with a younger sibling chucked in too. But it was absolutely out of necessity, my dad was in a horrendous accident and in hospital over 2 hours away, mum worked full time 10 miles from home, there wasn't enough time, money or family (we had JUST moved 10 miles away from both sides). I believe this is why us siblings are so close and protective of each other now. We didn't argue, we worked well together and helped mum doing housework etc.

My dh had a Dr appointment today just after school finish time while I had a hospital appointment, our dd11 asked if she could bring the 7yo dts home and get them sorted. Straight no from me.

It really depends on the dc.

MarvelMrs · 01/04/2022 22:22

I said yanbu. I also disagree with posters saying don’t give him that responsibility. I think a small amount of responsibility is beneficial to younger children and helps them mature.
I would however start as Fridays only and see how you get on.
Also set strong written boundaries, no baking, etc. Make sure you set up snacks before you go to work so they have a routine and don’t get too keen in the kitchen.

CecilyTheWake · 01/04/2022 22:22

I walked my younger siblings home from school from when I was nine and they were six and five.

Hallmark1234 · 01/04/2022 22:22

Could you set a camera up in the living room to keep an eye on things? I don't mean a hidden camera. I have one to watch my cat. It cost c.£13 from ebay. Easy to set up and watch on your phone. You can talk through it too, so almost like being in the room!

Btw I think 12 is fine if you feel your son is responsible enough.

Hallmark1234 · 01/04/2022 22:25

You could also offer to pay your son, so he doesn't feel put upon, but cheaper than CM!

BrutusMcDogface · 01/04/2022 22:26

That’s a really good point about the 12 year old being allowed to pick the sister up from school. Would the school agree?

WellTidy · 01/04/2022 22:27

I know a family who did this - mum was a lone parent and needed to work. Elder sister would collect younger brother from school and they’d walk home together. Mum would come home from work later.

There were neighbours they knew who they could have gone to if there was an emergency. They also had phone numbers for friends, friends’ parents etc who lived locally.

I never raised an eyebrow over it. It was a few years ago now. Both children v sensible and mature for their years.

My mum did this every day from about 11yo, for her nephews. Granted, this was 60 years ago.

Octomore · 01/04/2022 22:27

I did this at that age, and my siblings were younger than your DD is.

Boggisbunceandbean · 01/04/2022 22:29

I think this is fine. Kids across the world look after children from much younger ages without the worry. I used to babysit for other peoples kids from the age of 12.

MargaretThursday · 01/04/2022 22:30

I don't think this is a problem if there is someone they can call on that can get to them quickly if there's a problem. Eg door key lost etc.

I'd go for a little bribery-eg McDs on Fridays if they've behaved well all week. That way they gain a little back from saving money.

Things you need to think about-what if he wants to go somewhere/do an afterschool club. You may say he won't, but my ds came out with one out of the blue!
What about holidays?
What about when ds is ill?

If you can sort all the above out without a problem then I'd give it a try.

Bibbidybobbidybooboo · 01/04/2022 22:32

Totally depends on your own children, and on what your neighbours are like. We've been leaving our now 12, 15 and 8 year old for about 2 years. At first it was for 20 minutes at a time. The time extended over about a year. I'm now v happy leaving just the 12 and 8 year old alone for an hour or so without the 15 Yr old, but my kids know the neighbours well enough of 5 houses right around us to bang on a door if necessary, not that it ever has been. Also, being at home already settled feels different somehow to them walking home alone to an empty house. Maybe leave them alone for 30mins a couple times a week for the next few months and see how it goes, and consider cutting the child minder to three days a week from Sept?

OldTinHat · 01/04/2022 22:33

I was 11 and my sister 8 and we did that after school until my mum came home at 5.30pm. I'd often have the tea on the go as well. No issue.

MuggleMadness · 01/04/2022 22:34

Your childminder is a bargain!!

You know your kids, it sounds fine to me.

Plus 3 weeks on/3 weeks off means DS has plenty of time to hang out with mates after school (if he's allowed, we weren't until mum got home). If there's an after school club he wants to do, you can work something out then (like DD going to an after school hobby with a school friend & you pick them up or whatever. Or DH & other parent do 3weeks on & 3 weeks off.

They're if an age now where other options are available. Saving £250 a month will help!

BertieBotts · 01/04/2022 22:39

I think this is fine and I would do it. I would not allow friends home after school without an adult though.

It's hardly being a mini parent for 2 hours after school. They only want to veg at that time anyway. It's not the middle of the night. Leave them some easy snacks. They'll probably love the independence!

MN does seem especially cautious about leaving quite old children at home alone Confused

Nightowl1989 · 01/04/2022 22:40

Not sure if it's been mentioned but if you're a single parent you can claim 85% of childcare fees back including after school clubs, this isn't means tested so doesn't matter how much you earn

Rhapus123 · 01/04/2022 22:40

It sounds like there are neighbours to call on for help. The main thing is whether they can deal with an emergency. A neighbour tragically choked on a pen lid at 13; his year 5 brother was round the corner at the childminders. He even managed to call her but not speak (and perhaps just before 1471 introduced). If only he had got outside the house as it was the main route out of the village...
Likewise a friend of mine will pop out for a while but her 12 year old isn't allowed to eat during that time because whilst mature she thinks he could panic in a choking situation.

On the whole these tragedies are very rare I realise but it's how you would feel if something were to go wrong.

BertieBotts · 01/04/2022 22:40

@BrutusMcDogface

That’s a really good point about the 12 year old being allowed to pick the sister up from school. Would the school agree?
She literally said in the OP that they do.
londonmummy1966 · 01/04/2022 22:40

I think its fine - I'd be home alone at 9

Dixiechickonhols · 01/04/2022 22:40

I think she’s a touch too young. From yr 6 maybe. NSPCC guidance is under 16 doesn’t mind younger which seems over top to me - 15 year old girls babysit. It depends on a lot of factors. If next door neighbours are friendly and usually in etc, where you are, how contactable you are. It’s just if anything happened or they did something daft then panicked eg microwaved something they shouldn’t set kitchen on fire.