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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an okay way to save some money?!

204 replies

Annoy · 01/04/2022 20:34

It’s probably really stupid… and likely illegal! But I’m desperate! Like many!

My son is a sensible 12.5yr old. He already comes home from school 2 hours before me. Him at 3, me at 5.

My daughter is a sensible 8.5yr old. She goes to a childminder after school until I pick her up at 5. This costs me approx £250 a month (she goes in the morn too).

They get on reasonably well for siblings, he can be very caring and supportive of her.

Her primary school allow older siblings to collect.

WIBU to have my son collect my daughter, walk home (house/school same village) and be with her for the 2hrs instead of CM?…. Guarantees they would watch telly for the whole time!

It actually sounds really U writing it down! If you think so too, what age would you allow this from?

Thanks

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 01/04/2022 22:41

How does your son feel about doing it?

123cupcake4 · 01/04/2022 22:41

The only issue I cam think of is if his bus was late. How often do they come?

If your son is happy with this and you will allow him to do clubs if he wants then I think this is fine. Mobile phone and a neighbour in an emergency

redredredredlorry · 01/04/2022 22:42

@Rhapus123 a 12 year old isn't allowed to eat unless supervised by an adult???

Iheartmysmart · 01/04/2022 22:42

Similar to other posters, I’d pick my much younger sister up from school, walk and feed the dog and have dinner on for when my parents got home from about age 11. Had a babysitting job three nights a week to fund my riding lessons from age 13. And that was way before mobile phones were around!

Dixiechickonhols · 01/04/2022 22:45

I’d have a clear plan for if bus late my DD’s school bus is often late. You wouldn’t want him panicking. Trying on a Friday sounds a good plan.

Lillyhatesjaz · 01/04/2022 22:46

I think it depends on how well your kids get on.
My mum used to often leave me to look after my younger brother some times we would fall out and physically hurt each other. One time he chased me around the house with a kitchen knife.
My own 2 got on really well and would have been fine, if they had fallen out they would have gone off to their own rooms rather than fighting.

Blossom64265 · 01/04/2022 22:48

As a mother now, my brain screams that this is too young.

As a child in the 1980s, I did this from age 11 with my 7 year old sibling and no one batted an eye. I also watched her all summer. We were middle class kids. No one thought anything of it. There were no charges of neglect. In the summer they didn’t even tell us to stay home. We also didn’t have cell phones for the walk home. Latchkey kids were just normal.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 01/04/2022 22:49

I do this with my 13.5 year old looking after his 9.5 year old sister for an hour a day - so a year older than your two. I have 2 rules: no answering the door and no eating (risk of choking).

I taught the younger one how to use the landline to call me / DH / 999.

toogoodforthisworld · 01/04/2022 22:51

It will be fine. He probably has a phone and they know what rules to follow. They might eat more sweets and snacks but if they are ok kids - let them try it out. Don't be too overprotective. Stay sensible. Get them to call you when they get home. Ask your mum/ sis/ friend / neighbor to be on standby if you think it's necessary. Give it a go. How else do kids learn responsibility. I am amazed at how capable my youngest stepkids were when I met them at 10 &12 and both fully capable of cooking spaghetti- or a pizza in the oven for themselves. And they definitely looked out for each other.

FunnysInLaJardin · 01/04/2022 22:52

Its fine, they will be fine. Do it OP and dont give it a second thought. Needs must tbh

milkysmum · 01/04/2022 22:53

Mine are 13 and 10 ( years 8 and 5) so slightly older, but both come home and entertain themselves after school until I'm in from work. Oldest one gets the bus home, youngest walks home with a friend and they both get in at the same time.

Unsureaboutit9 · 01/04/2022 22:55

I think they’re both just a little too young. Also what would happen if he wanted to visit a friend after school? It would seem a shame to remove his freedom before he’s had chance to use it.

Happyhappyday · 01/04/2022 22:58

Totally fine, we were definitely left alone around that time. Same age gap. I was babysitting other people’s children at that age. If they’re sensible children they’ll be fine!

WonderingWanda · 01/04/2022 22:58

I think you know your kids and know when they are ready for this. I assume the older child has a mobile phone so can keep you updated by text? Probably best to try it on a couple of weekends just to make sure they are ok. Back when I was this age it was much more normal for kids to walk to and from school and stay home alone for a bit. I used to quite like feeling a bit more grown up.

Happyhappyday · 01/04/2022 22:59

The no eating thing is hilarious. What do the kids do if they’re at the park with friends?! There are always edge cases of what can happen but you have to draw the line somewhere!

Abuildingwith4wallsandtmrinsid · 01/04/2022 23:01

My 13 year old regularly babysits my 8 year old and does his homework with him and violin and piano practice. I upp her pocket money for it and have a home camera I login to so I can watch what they are doing. They are both sensible and love each other. They know which non choking snacks they are allowed to have too. But my neighbour is a stay at home mum and my kids know she is usually there in an emergency. To be honest in our primary quite a few of ks2 kids are picked up by older siblings- I would say year 8/9 onwards.

britneyisfree · 01/04/2022 23:03

It's too much pressure. Why should he never hang around after school and miss his bus because he has to get the exact one to pick up his younger sister?

Why should he not have a kick about or go to a friends or get detention and whatever else so he can take on your cost saving exercise.

Are you going to stick him an extra £150 a month to do it?

I hated getting lumbered with my younger brother and it wasn't even that bad as he was only two years younger!

britneyisfree · 01/04/2022 23:05

Babysitting is fine but not everyday for free at the detriment of other activities

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 01/04/2022 23:09

Giving a 12 Yr old full responsibility, for 10 hrs per week, of an 8yo, is a pretty big ask to be honest.

nokidshere · 01/04/2022 23:12

I wouldn't put that much responsibility on a 12yr old. To come home alone and chill is one thing but to be responsible for a younger child is quite an imposition on him.

However, I accept that my feelings are skewed from always having to 'look after' my younger siblings. I never got any chance to just do my own thing and was resentful.

I left my own boys alone when they were about 14 or so but not alone together until the youngest was also 14.

They will both need to know what to do in an emergency, not just the 12yr old.

ThinWomansBrain · 01/04/2022 23:13

quite a lot of children that age and younger have to act as carers for adults.
How does your son feel about it?
Maybe offer him some of the money saved as extra pocket money?

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 01/04/2022 23:14

Yet again, the parallel universe of MN with children choking left right and centre rears it’s head. And as for calling this neglect- really?!

I think it’s fine if the kids are happy. Maybe for 3 a week If DS has clubs or things he would like to attend.

InaccurateDream · 01/04/2022 23:20

As the cost of living gets higher people will have no choice and this will become the norm again. I think it could be ok depending on the children. Certainly I did it when I was a kid.

Helendee · 01/04/2022 23:37

I think it all depends on how your children feel about it, especially your son.
My boys used to rush back out as soon as they came home at that age, off to the park with their friends.

OppsUpsSide · 01/04/2022 23:40

Mine are the same age, I trust older DD completely and she has ‘babysat’ (put them to bed) with another adult in the house. Personally I wouldn’t put her in the position of being wholly responsible, if something went wrong I wouldn’t want her to have to live with that.