Page 13 | To he appalled at this experience today

Babyroobs · 01/04/2022 23:34

@Mybestyear

My experience of "local charity shops" is that the people that tend to 'work' in them are holier-than-thou do-gooders who are actually not very nice people but present themselves as pillars of the community who "do good work". Complaining will get you nowhere as they will likely be mates with the people you would be complaining too. I'd make it my mission to take DD when she was at her most grumpiest and then go in and fake a tantrum yourself and put the person on the spot!

I frequent charity shops and yes some of them are a certain type ! the paid manager in our local one is the worst though. I have no idea how any volunteers last long, in fact they don't.

Nocutenamesleft · 01/04/2022 23:43

The problem is that charity shops have volunteers in them

The worst is she could be fired. But they lose a member of staff and that’s it?!? There’s no other problem as such. No one gains anything.

What do you feel writing a letter would do? They might say before they fire her. Hey. You shouldn’t of done that. But in all likelihood they won’t fire her as they’re so short staffed. So no one gets anything.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 01/04/2022 23:43

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable

@User199999 - it really doesn’t sound unbelievable.

Put simply, your toddler had a loud tantrum, you didn’t take her out of the shop and the lady working in the shop took exception to this and spoke with your toddler direct and tapped her. And instead of an eye roll, she gestured that she could throttle your toddler - not nice, but haven’t we all been there (metaphorically!!) when hearing that ear piercing scream of a toddler in full tantrum.

Chalk it down to experience and move on

Dreambigger · 01/04/2022 23:46

Let. It. Go.

Ladybyrd · 01/04/2022 23:47

@User199999 In what world is it acceptable for customers to make those sort of gestures about a toddler to her family? You know it isn't, I know it isn't, many others have said the same.

As for all these snooty comments along the lines of "Your child had a tantrum? ...In public?" You know as well as I do that in the real world, they'd probably be writing to the charity's CEO to get her sacked. Take no notice.

Ladybyrd · 01/04/2022 23:47

*shop assistants, not customers.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/04/2022 23:57

[quote User199999]@Toddlerteaplease I understand that Maybe I’m just shocked because I wouldn’t ever touch somebody else’s child or get involved in the matter[/quote]
Well clearly you barely got involved in your own child’s tantrum.

Nobody wants to hear a tantruming child, you didn’t need to be in the shop and should have done something.

CharityShopChic · 01/04/2022 23:57

Yet another thread where it’s really obvious lots of posters have no idea what it’s like volunteering in a charity shop, what your fellow volunteers are like, and what many customers are like.

And yes to the “ usual standard of behaviour doesn’t apply because it’s just a charity shop”

GirlsTalk250 · 02/04/2022 00:00

I suspect the lady in the shop was trying to help in her own clumsy way.

I couldn’t get worked up about this.

Ladylornax12 · 02/04/2022 00:01

You should have taken her out. Whether she wanted to or not. You are in charge not her! Kids have tantrums and unavoidable if you are buying stuff but in this situation you should have saved everyone from enduring your screaming child as it’s really annoying (sorry!!) and yes I’ve had small children who kicked off in shops and I would normally take them out as I’m super concerned about bothering people!

spotcheck · 02/04/2022 00:10

@angstridden2

I would point out that sometimes volunteers in charity shops are there to help recovery from MH or other issues and so this assistant may have been particularly sensitive to your child’s tantrum and possibly did not deal with it in what others may consider an appropriate way.

Definitely would have removed child regardless as soon as they kicked off!

👆👆👆👆

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 02/04/2022 00:11

In what world is it acceptable for customers to make those sort of gestures about a toddler to her family? You know it isn't, I know it isn't, many others have said the same

And I (and others) have basically said who cares? Really? Aside from getting riled, do you think this woman is secretly the Toddler Strangler, that well-known serial killer?!

Fidodidit · 02/04/2022 00:19

One of the things that is depressing about having a teenager is spending all this time trying to avoid traumatic experiences when they are little and then something happens that is so fucking stupid you think, how could I have predicted that? Just make sure you are calm OP and that your DD knows she can come to you and you will help find a way to resolve and not (in her view) escalate situations. It’s a weird old world out there.

Ladybyrd · 02/04/2022 00:20

No @ChiefWiggumsBoy. I think she has poor people skills.

If you, and others, don't care, why say anything at all? Why are you on your high horse exactly?

Meh2020 · 02/04/2022 00:27

I would absolutely complain.

Whilst you were trying to sort out your DDs tantrum an interfering volunteer (not confirmed) shop assistant touched your daughter and then made inappropriate gestures.

Absolutely not on and quite clearly they shouldn’t be in a public facing role until they have been trained properly - volunteer or not. If they don’t want to be around people who might have be with children then they should be rethinking their job/career/volunteering.

I’m gobsmacked that some of the comments on here are focussing on the tantrum and not the interfering shop assistant/volunteer.

Swonderful · 02/04/2022 00:33

Sometimes people who work in charity shops have mh issues or maybe even have learning difficulties. That means they might not behave appropriately sometimes.

Creameggs223 · 02/04/2022 00:34

Quite shocking how many parents let their toddler rule the roast " dd didn't want to leave shop" well dd behaves or leaves. Seen another post yesterday somebody saying their 16 month won't go in pushchair pick them up and put them In. No wonder their is some many older kids running riot now adays when parents let them make the rules from a young age.

Supersimkin2 · 02/04/2022 00:34

No one likes a screaming toddler.

You’re both in a shop not your bedroom with a public-facing worker not your nanny.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 02/04/2022 00:39

@Ladybyrd I'm not on a high horse, I have a different opinion to you, which I am allowed to voice on a public, anonymous forum just as you are. And I believe OP literally asked for opinions.

And yeah, maybe she has poor people skills. Maybe she had a banging headache. Maybe she'd had a fight with her husband and was in a shitty mood because of it. I don't care what the issue was, it is so minor.

Flickflak · 02/04/2022 00:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Meh2020 · 02/04/2022 00:46

@Swonderful

Sometimes people who work in charity shops have mh issues or maybe even have learning difficulties. That means they might not behave appropriately sometimes.

If the shop assistant in this scenario is suffering from MH or has learning needs then it’s questionable if they should be in a public facing role or should be more closely supervised.

Deliberately touching someone uninvited is never appropriate.

DidWeHaveAWinter · 02/04/2022 01:16

Charity shops dont have shop keepers

1forAll74 · 02/04/2022 03:37

I would have taken her outside. children having tantrums in small shops can be annoying to witness. But if I was working in the shop.I would have got a toy or something off the shelf, to try and humour the child..and take her mind off the tantrum business.

RedHelenB · 02/04/2022 03:44

@User199999

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

Stop being so precious, other peoples kids returning can be annoying. Sometimes the shock factor of a stranger being stern with them can stop it. Nothing to get upset over, just life.

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/04/2022 04:45

Just putting it out there - trying to have a calm chat with anyone, in fact any species - when they're over-threshold and having a melt-down is a big fat waste of everyones time.

In that state, the brain cannot communicate, nor can it take in much either - with toddlers part of the reason they have 'tantrums' (I really don't like that word but 'melt-down' now seems to be wholly owned by the ND and thats not what I mean either) IS that they have not got the ability to process what's going on, they have NO control over any situation they're in AND they can't communicate clearly or effectively.

So trying to communicate with them in that state is pointless.

So you are much better off just removing them from the situation (unless its at home in which case just observe and wait.)

Very often removing them from the situation IS whats necessary anyway because theres something in that environment that has triggered the event.

Tantrums or meltdowns or whatever you want to call them - are not done on purpose* - they are NOT a 'learning opportunity'. They are a 'abort, reboot, retry' event.

*It may feel like that as they may happen in response to a particular trigger, but they are not 'done on purpose' in the same way you, an adult would conciously choose to do something.