To he appalled at this experience today

[User199999]

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

So really, the shop assistant coming over would of happened whether I took her outside or not because she came over so quickly when my DD started

Love how some Mums seem to want everyone to be massively tolerant of their screaming toddler but are happy to call what might well be someone with a learning disability a 'weirdo' and talk about snapping their fingers off or swearing at them etc.

It really is telling that the tolerance and understanding is all meant to be one way.

OP - honestly, you did nothing wrong. Prodding a child and imitating strangulation is such inappropriate behaviour - you have to realise that. It’s so easy to let doubts creep in when you’re new to parenting but as an ancient mum of three I can assure you, the assistant was in the wrong.

It may not have happened because watching a parent kneeling down to 'reason' with a screaming toddler who is throwing themselves around is only going to go one way. If you want to practice 'gentle parenting' you should do so without being a nuisance to others.
I say that as somebody who had and has a child with a very bad temper when things don't go her way.

She was totally out of line whether people agree with your parenting or not. You should have told her sternly not to touch your child. Quite angry on your behalf here.

@Gelasia

She was totally out of line whether people agree with your parenting or not. You should have told her sternly not to touch your child. Quite angry on your behalf here.

Exactly.

It's should have not should of ...that's more annoying than any tantrum.

@Gelasia

She was totally out of line whether people agree with your parenting or not. You should have told her sternly not to touch your child. Quite angry on your behalf here.

But are you appalled?

Where I live, charity shop workers include a lot of volunteers who are building up to getting a paid job as they develop skills, and volunteers who might never get a paid job because of additional needs, mental health issues etc. Is it possible this worker was somone without great communication or social skills for one reason or another?

@Gelasia

She was totally out of line whether people agree with your parenting or not. You should have told her sternly not to touch your child. Quite angry on your behalf here.

Absolutely agree

I can’t really see what the shop lady did wrong

@mummabubs

“So, my albeit my child is a bit older than yours OP as he's just turned four. Yesterday he had his first ever full blown public meltdown in a shopping centre while it was just me and his baby sister (attached to my front in a carrier). Down on the floor, sobbing hysterically, the works. Two young shop assistants instantly came and sat with me to check if he and I were OK, said to not feel I had to rush him out and it was fine for him to stay where he was for as long as he needed. I rode it out with him for less than 5 minutes and managed to get him back up and calm. We spent another 10 minutes in the shop and on our way out the assistants gave him a small gift to say thanks for visiting them. I then thanked them and cried because of their compassion and act of kindness. I'm sorry that your experience was the opposite of mine OP. Mimicking strangling is deeply inappropriate, as in my opinion is touching someone else's child. “

What a wonderful shop @mumabubs! If only this shop had been more like this to the OP.

There are some answers here which could show more compassion and less ‘should have’ towards OP in my opinion.

@angstridden2

I would point out that sometimes volunteers in charity shops are there to help recovery from MH or other issues and so this assistant may have been particularly sensitive to your child’s tantrum and possibly did not deal with it in what others may consider an appropriate way.

Definitely would have removed child regardless as soon as they kicked off!

Completely agree with this 👍

You should have (not of) taken her outside. You're in charge.

This is laughable.

You weren't parenting properly.

She was trying to help. She tapped your child on the shoulder, not hit her with an iron bar, to get her attention to help you calm her down seeing as you'd failed to remove her.

And you want to complain.

And not only that, you want to complain about a person who works there for FREE so you can buy your bits and bobs cheaply.

You, and any other poster who said they'd also complain, are the epitome of "that" parent.

@User199999

I think the point I have been trying to make is, yes I should of taken DD outside but the shop assistant came over and interfered only less than 30 seconds into the tantrum and started prodding her. If she’d of been tantrumming for 10 minutes and I was ignoring her and letting her cry whilst I shopped then I’d understand why she would be so annoyed

Should have She'd have

Oh get lost with your ridiculous ‘that parent’ - you’re making yourself look silly.

Stop bullying on here.

I know it's a dickies thing but
Should have
Would have
Could have

Dickish

Check your own spelling before you make pathetic attempts at pedantry.

@SirChenjins

OP - honestly, you did nothing wrong. Prodding a child and imitating strangulation is such inappropriate behaviour - you have to realise that. It’s so easy to let doubts creep in when you’re new to parenting but as an ancient mum of three I can assure you, the assistant was in the wrong.

I doubt very much the person was genuinely suggesting strangulation...why is everything so earnest and po-faced for some people on here? It's a common "wits' end" gesture made in jest and I'd say it was pretty annoying to witness a child screaming and thrashing around being dealt with such a wet lettuce approach by the OP. I wouldn't be delighted that the woman tapped the child to get attention but I really don't think the entire episode warrants "appalled...shock..."

@SirChenjins - I never said those children wouldn't do well in their chosen employment - just that they (and their parents) are a nightmare to deal with. The fact that you "wouldn’t have tolerated behaviour like that from the shop assistant" tells me all I need to know about you!

Of course your precious DC would be far more important than a lowly shop assistant - not to mention any shoppers - so musn't be upset. Diddums.

@ouch321 can I ask how kneeling down to speak to my own child to calm her down isn’t parenting properly? I was trying to reassure her all was ok. Obviously it didn’t work but the shop assistant didn’t give me a chance to do anything else before she came over to us.

At the end of the day, no parent is perfect. I appreciate the advice here but a lot of this is just bashing and judgemental. I’m 24 years old, a single parent due to losing my DP. I am trying to best and some times it is hard. Not to mention dealing with anxiety and over thinking things. I asked for advice and thoughts on the shop assistants reaction, not for opinions on how I parent my child. My DD is a very sweet little girl but yes, she does sometimes have tantrums when we are out and about but I don’t think that reflects on my parenting. I just feel like I have come on here and been put down by the majority of the commenters. In my opinion just a bit of compassion goes a long way.

Parenting styles are different now a days. She prob thought she was helping. A stranger spoke to one of my children once mid trantrum. Child soon stopped!
What exactly is it you wish to complain about? Her tapping your child’s shoulder? Or what she said?
Tbh it’s sounds a bit silly to complain because a lady spoke to your child to try and get them to stop screaming the place down …
Just forget it op and move on with your life!

I’ve worked in charity shops in the past and a fairly high proportion of the volunteers have additional needs. I do understand why you were annoyed but I don’t think it’s something you need to dwell on and I personally wouldn’t feel right making a complaint against the specific volunteer in this situation.