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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To he appalled at this experience today

361 replies

User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:23

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 01/04/2022 22:46

And now you know that there are more appropriate alternatives to mimicking the strangulation of a small child. Isn’t education a wonderful thing.

MuggleMadness · 01/04/2022 22:47

@User199999

Yes I did say to DD that I will take her outside but she kept screaming ‘nanny’ as she didn’t want to go outside whilst my mum stayed in the shop but my mum was buying something
I'd have just picked DD up & walked out, giving the interfering cow a 'don't mess with me' glare.

DD could have have shouted for nanny all she liked outside.

Original poster
User199999 · 01/04/2022 22:48

I do understand people have different opinions and that’s why I posted. Thank you to everybody who was supportive

OP posts:
Partyatnumber10 · 01/04/2022 22:53

The charity shop worker sounds like she thought she was being helpful/friendly but just was heavy handed and socially awkward. The strangulation gesture, and poking obviously not great but an odd sort of way of trying to sympathise with you/your mum in a " kids are hard!!" Kind of way.
I've had a few off kilter experiences in charity shops because as pp have said the volunteers can have additional needs.
Put it to the back of your mind now... tomorrow's a new day.

SoosanCarter · 01/04/2022 22:54

It’s queue, not que.

SirChenjins · 01/04/2022 22:56

That’s already been pointed out by another poster who made the same pedantic tit of themselves.

slashlover · 01/04/2022 23:00

@User199999

I think the point I have been trying to make is, yes I should of taken DD outside but the shop assistant came over and interfered only less than 30 seconds into the tantrum and started prodding her. If she’d of been tantrumming for 10 minutes and I was ignoring her and letting her cry whilst I shopped then I’d understand why she would be so annoyed
So she cried and threw herself around, you knelt down to talk to her and the person in the shop stormed over in less than 30 seconds?
Housetreecar · 01/04/2022 23:01

You needed to take her out. It’s irrelevant whether she wanted to go or not. I’d also be seriously pushed off if you had stayed with her tantrumming

Original poster
User199999 · 01/04/2022 23:04

@slashlover yes. My thoughts were maybe she was already in a bad mood and my DD starting to scream just pushed her over the edge. She came over so quickly. That’s why I was taken aback

OP posts:
Walkaround · 01/04/2022 23:05

I do not think the shop assistant was being remotely supportive or helpful, I think she was being a judgemental harridan… Not acceptable to make strangling motions behind your back and to poke your child hard - that would only be guaranteed to prolong the tantrum. That said, yes, you should have taken your child out of the shop.

slashlover · 01/04/2022 23:06

I recently put in a complaint about a charity shop volunteer. The man was completely intolerant of children and abruptly addressed me personally on two occasions about my DC harmlessly touching things and being, well, children.

Would you let your DC harmlessly touch things in a supermarket or chemist?

People seem to think their kids can get away with murder because it's "just" a charity shop.

Mytoddlerisamazing · 01/04/2022 23:06

If anyone tapped my toddler on the shoulder I would be very angry.

I was going to say "idk why you're getting such little sympathy on here" but tbh it's pretty obvious: your grammar isn't great and for a certain influential section of MN that seems to be taken as a red flag that you're a shit parent Hmm.

You didn't do anything wrong op. The shop assistant was acting like a dick. As are significant number of mumsnetters.

slashlover · 01/04/2022 23:08

If in charity shops my DD does get things out like toys and books I tell her to put them back where she found them if we are not purchasing them or help me pick them up and put them back

No, it you're not going to be buying anything then she shouldn't be getting them out or touching them. I spend so much of my time sorting the toys because people let their kids touch them, often having to bin them because little bits are lost.

Owwlie · 01/04/2022 23:09

I would have taken my DC out of the shop if they’d have behaved like this, I can understand that if you’d taken her out and she’s still screaming for your mum then you’ve just got the added problem of dealing with the tantrum on the street, which is potentially worse if it’s on a busy street.

That being said, I think we have a very low tolerance for children in the UK sometimes. Very much like they ought to behave perfectly and never have a tantrum and should be swiftly removed if they do. Or not taken anywhere they might tantrum, which is absurd. They need to be in social situations to learn how to deal with them and act appropriately.

She’s 2. It’s fine for the staff member to try to distract her by chatting to her, not okay to tap her or tell her off. And certainly not okay to mimic strangling her, I would probably avoid the store again to be honest.

Sux2buthen · 01/04/2022 23:12

'Old school' is a load of bollocks as an excuse for any poor behaviour.
It's a cop out.
Tantrums are not fun for anyone but when it's not your own child at least you know it's temporary for your ears
Anyone tapping someone else's child needs a loud firm reminder about not touching people without consent
As for 'it takes a village' unless the village are financing my family or involved in a meaningful way they don't get a say

(That being said I would have taken my child outside but, still)

Sux2buthen · 01/04/2022 23:15

Also if a parent appears to be 'doing nothing' it's possible they are trying to ignore the noise to not feed the tantrum which is a sound approach.
It may be loud to hear but that's life, life can be loud.
Ideally not in a small shop awkward timing is the speciality of small children

RantyAunty · 01/04/2022 23:18

Complete overreaction on your part.
Small children get tired quickly being out for hours. Cranky and tired, time to go home.
Volunteer was trying to help.
We could use a bit of the old school style.

lollipoprainbow · 01/04/2022 23:18

Sorry you've lost your dp OP and sorry you had to put up with a load of sanctimonious comments from perfect parents. Being old, special needs, etc doesn't excuse being downright rude. I would have been 'appalled' too.

lollipoprainbow · 01/04/2022 23:19

Volunteer was trying to help.
We could use a bit of the old school style.

Yeah she sounded really really helpful, old school tosh.

OldWivesTale · 01/04/2022 23:23

@CheshireCats

You should have taken your child out of the shop. Never mind she didn't want to. You are in charge. However, the person working there should not have touched your child. I would be tempted to report this to head office of the charity.
Seriously? The people who work in charity shops are volunteers FFS - and quite often have mental health problems of their own.

OP, just leave it and move on.

BoredZelda · 01/04/2022 23:28

Your child is throwing a tantrum, you take them out of the shop, whether they agree to that or not.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/04/2022 23:30

I honestly don't think any of this is something I would have been arsed about. A tantrumming toddler isn't fun, anyone who hasn't flicked the Vs or similar at their annoying kid is lying Wink. I would have read the reaction as more of a solidarity thing.

Put it this way - and you're absolutely free to have your own opinion of course - but is it more likely that this woman was aggressive and threatening towards a 2 year old, or that you were a little stressed and maybe embarrassed about her behaviour and that has coloured your thinking?

So no, I wouldn't complain, and I wouldn't have reacted the way you have at all. I would likely have rolled my eyes and done a 'kids!' type exclamation before manhandling the child outside.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/04/2022 23:32

I would have broken her fingers if she touched my child. Definitely complain and certainly never go back

Are you fucking serious?

aurynne · 01/04/2022 23:33

"If it was me I would have said “We can stay here with Nanny but you have to calm down. Would you like a cuddle and we can do some deep breaths to calm down? If you can’t calm down you can chose to come outside with me.”

Bahahahaha. Most hilarious comment in the thread. Let's all try that next time with a screaming, tantruming 2.5 year old and see who can make the biggest arse of themselves.

Nocutenamesleft · 01/04/2022 23:34

@Unsureaboutit9

Don’t give her the option saying should we, if she misbehaves in a shop she doesn’t get a say. She’s more likely to calm down quickly having been removed from the situation.
This!
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