To ask them to text me before using my garden?

[unassertive]

We had a big play park installed in part of our back garden a while ago. I have a few local mums I have over for play dates quite a lot and they were all saying it's brilliant and better than the village park (the village park is awful which is why we initially decided to get our own) I said to them that as our house is empty most weekdays that they can feel free to use it when we're at work just let themselves in no need to ask.

Obviously they are only doing what I said they could, I don't think for a second they are being unreasonable. I've not been well this week and fell asleep on the sofa this morning and woke up hearing something and could see one of them out the french doors sat on the decking and her kids playing on the park. I felt really embarrassed having to stand up and wanted to just hide until she was gone as I didn't feel well or very social. I did pop out to say hi but got stuck in conversation and felt too awkward to ask her to go as I didn't feel well. It happened the other day too with a different friend and I just wanted to go put my washing out on the line but due to feeling unwell and looking rough I didn't want her to see me and she wasn't to know I was there so I just avoided doors and windows. Her toddler fell asleep in her buggy and she sat there on my garden furniture on her phone for a couple of hours and I just felt like I was having to hide in my own house

How do I retract an offer like this? I genuinely don't mind them using it outside of play dates but preferably only when I'm not home and feel obligated to go say hi, chat and offer coffee etc. AIBU if I ask if they could text first after all? I feel rude as is previously said just turn up and I don't want them to think I have a problem having to see them and get offended

Doubt your home insurance allows for leaving a gate/door unlocked? That is your get-out clause. Tell them this in a short message. Invite them over when you fancy having them there.

Oh god op u did u offer this people will just take the piss.... some1 else has mentioned that if a child was hurt u maybe liable I would use this. I would say when u first said people could use it u had not thought about some1 getting hurt and now ur just not comfortable it’s a safety thing x

We have a large play area in our garden/land that cost thousands, along with trampoline etc, I would never and have never dreamed of letting others use it unless they are invited to the house on a play date with my dc, and even that is quite rare. This is for all the reasons posters have stated above such as safety concerns etc, but above all I would not be prepared to lose my privacy to anyone no matter how well I know them. I value my space and privacy massively. I understand where you came from with good intentions op, however I would immediately retract the offer and state the garden/equipment is no longer to be used by anyone unless by invite as you have had it brought to your attention that you could end up liable should any incident occur which results in injury/harm to a child. This is perfectly reasonable and if they choose not understand your stance then so be it. You owe none of them the rights to your private land.

Why on gods green earth would you tell people your hoyse is empty during the week and feel free to rampage round your property? Lock the bloody gate and you dont need to explain. Your too soft. They no it too or they wouldnt be taking the piss out of your kind gesture. Im stunned you even offered.

@chisanunian

Just tell them you've read the small print in your home insurance, and you can't let them use the play equipment when you're not there any more, very sorry.

This is perfect. You could say you had to add it onto your home insurance this week, and the insurer told you not to let anyone use it unless you are there?

Also why are you worried about looking shitty in front of other women.... You sound like a real people pleaser. Man up lock the gate and tell them no more. The village park it Is

What a weird thing to do in the first place!

@Primrosefields

Couldn't you bend the truth a bit and say that you have noticed others have been letting themselves in and using it so you will need to lock the gate going forward but if they text ahead, you will leave the gate unlocked on that particular day.

Simply tell them the truth — that you’ve been unwell lately and it’s been awkward for you because you look a fright and also because you’d never want to pass on any illness to them or their kids. Could they please just send you a short text if they’re planning on coming over? Make sure you say thanks so much. Easy peasy. The truth is always the best.

I very much understand your thinking and how it happened you offered. What I dont understand why are they using your decking and garden furniture when they were ment to be using play park at the back of your garden.
Anyway, I hope you manage to sort it all out and have your own space again.

Your offer clearly came from a good place initially. Personally, I would say you offered without checking with husband and he isn’t at all comfortable with it and you understand his concerns (you don’t need to elaborate) and therefore you are going to have to retract the offer of them using it other than for play dates, but hope they understand and you’ll get a date in the diary for play dates soon.

Imagine coming home and finding damage had been done to it, you’d have no proof and you’d have to foot the bill to repair it.

If you say things like txt before, this is going to make you feel awkward every time you get a txt and you’ll end up in a situation where you’ll have to fully retract it anyway.

Also insurance wise, you are invalidating your house insurance as your leaving your property unsecure by leaving it open. Although for friends, insurers won’t see it like that as the risk increases. All it takes is the word to spread around and you’ll end up with grandparents coming along and then friends of friends and it will become a nightmare.

What are you DH thoughts?

It’s one of those polite offers that everybody makes, we never expect anyone to actually friggin take you up on it do you 🤦‍♀️

I can definitely see how this has become really annoying. I’d say that you’ve been advised thst you could have problems with liability if a child hurts themselves so you are not able to let people use it now.
That actually is true plus the chance of the play equipment getting damaged with tons of kids using it constantly is high.
I didn’t have my own play park but had a slightly similar situation with kids in my street using my very big paved driveway. They started out playing on it when with my daughter was outside but then I’d come home to find kids playing on it with footballs, swing balls, rounder bats and balls and zooming around on skates while we weren’t home and barely bothering to move out of the way of my car when I got back. It quickly started to p me off as I like my privacy.
Then kids started using it when I was indoors too. I had a few scratches on my car as well. So i then had the awkard situation of telling the parents that I couldn’t have them playing on my drive anymore as they might damaging my car or end up getting injured.
I think a few neighbours thought I was being a bit of a 🍆 but I didn’t want to have kids shouting and running past my window when I was sitting in my living room and my DD wasn’t even out playing.

I would say you are working from home more often and need the peace. Would be good to have a play date on your day off… are you free next Friday etc?

Imagine the summer holidays?

Nightmare. Dozens of mums and kids having picnics and bringing paddling pools to your garden. Can you imagine? 😱

Think of the insurance liability if anyone is hurt in the play park! You would not be covered, having granted access to people while you were not there to oversee things. Just say you have belatedly checked up on your insurance liability while visitors were there and you were not, and have discovered that you would not be covered in the eventuality of an accident to unspecified visitors while you were away from your property. So, sadly, you're going to have to call a halt!

@unassertive

It's the sort of village most people don't even lock their houses. We do look our house, but we often leave utility unlocked if expecting a delivery so postie can put it in there and always leave gate unlocked. You have to walk down our drive to get to the rear garden and we do have cameras and ring doorbells etc.

Sorry can't remember who asked for a link it was from Wickey it was called smart queen.

Some good suggestions of messages thank you. I do agree it was a silly thing to offer I just sort of said it and didn't really think it through to be honest. Learning the hard way!

I bet you need public liability insurance for this

Start locking it when you are in or don’t want anyone there and then just let them all know they can use it when it’s unlocked.

Lock the gate.
Put a notice out to say you are really sorry but have discovered that your insurance doesn’t cover you to have people in your garden and using your equipment when you aren’t there.
Add when you are there you value your privacy.
I’m sure everyone will understand. In your shoes few people would have made the offer in the first place.
Nip it in the bud.
Some might be a bit miffed but sensible friends will understand.
Stop worrying- you made the offer from the best of motives it just didn’t work out.

I'm also at as to what would make offer it any weekend! That's crazy!

I would be very worried about being sued for a serious injury. I am a solicitor. Believe me, people start looking for people to hold responsible and pay up when they have a seriously injured child. (I think it helps them feel less responsible for their reckless children or their own lack of proper supervision.) I'm not in the UK but, from what I learned of UK tort law, I don't think it would make any difference if you were present or not when they were injured. I'd put an immediate stop to this arrangement. The more children use the equipment, the more chance of injury. Just say that your insurance company has just informed you that you would be liable and you unfortunately can't continue to make it generally available and lock the gate.

'Hey ladies, I'll be working from home sporadically on going so drop me a text if you want to use the garden as I may be home'

You sound lovely but do you really want your garden used possibly every day in summer or school holidays

I would go via the home insurance route

And say you have to be there fir your insurance to be valid

And that leaving gate unlocked means insurance isn’t valid

@unassertive *
I didn't think they'd be the type to sue me

Don't count on it, desperate parents would if that was the only way to provide their injured child's needs. A permanent disability could require enormous funds (altering the home, specialist equipment, additional care, parent has to stop work) .

Just googled it snd looks like what they have in local pub in garden

Not suprised all love coming

Just text them and tell them that you looked into it and you are not covered insurance wise to have them playing in the garden etc etc