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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask them to text me before using my garden?

252 replies

unassertive · 01/04/2022 16:12

We had a big play park installed in part of our back garden a while ago. I have a few local mums I have over for play dates quite a lot and they were all saying it's brilliant and better than the village park (the village park is awful which is why we initially decided to get our own) I said to them that as our house is empty most weekdays that they can feel free to use it when we're at work just let themselves in no need to ask.

Obviously they are only doing what I said they could, I don't think for a second they are being unreasonable. I've not been well this week and fell asleep on the sofa this morning and woke up hearing something and could see one of them out the french doors sat on the decking and her kids playing on the park. I felt really embarrassed having to stand up and wanted to just hide until she was gone as I didn't feel well or very social. I did pop out to say hi but got stuck in conversation and felt too awkward to ask her to go as I didn't feel well. It happened the other day too with a different friend and I just wanted to go put my washing out on the line but due to feeling unwell and looking rough I didn't want her to see me and she wasn't to know I was there so I just avoided doors and windows. Her toddler fell asleep in her buggy and she sat there on my garden furniture on her phone for a couple of hours and I just felt like I was having to hide in my own house

How do I retract an offer like this? I genuinely don't mind them using it outside of play dates but preferably only when I'm not home and feel obligated to go say hi, chat and offer coffee etc. AIBU if I ask if they could text first after all? I feel rude as is previously said just turn up and I don't want them to think I have a problem having to see them and get offended

OP posts:
chisanunian · 01/04/2022 16:40

Just tell them you've read the small print in your home insurance, and you can't let them use the play equipment when you're not there any more, very sorry.

YoComoManzanas · 01/04/2022 16:42

@stuntbubbles

I would quite simply move house.
this is the only option I'm afraid. Or burn it down to the ground!Grin
Madre123 · 01/04/2022 16:42

Tell them u have spoken to your insurance company and from a health and safety and also liability point of view it needs to stop

nokidshere · 01/04/2022 16:45

@Rosebuud *nokidshere
We did also say use at your own risk etc and they all said of course.

That will count for nothing if you find yourself having to defend your actions in a court of law. If you invite them into your garden and someone has an accident, if they decide to sue you the onus will be on you to prove that your actions weren't the cause of said accident.
Oh for goodness sake. 😂

Problem Rosebud?

You don't think children have accidents on play equipment every day? You don't think there are some parents who would sue you if their precious child had an accident in your garden? Think again.

As homeowners we have a duty of care to make sure our property is safe and we can be sued if anyone, invited or otherwise, has an accident on our property.

There is no legal basis for 'at your own risk'. Even in supermarket car parks or on any premises. The onus will always be on the owner of the property to prove that they did everything possible to make sure the premises are safe. Scarily, this even applies if someone is trespassing or delivering something to your home.

PartridgeCoop · 01/04/2022 16:45

@SnowyPetals

I would message them saying "Ladies I fear I was a bit hasty with the open house invitation for our playground. You're all still most welcome, I just don't think I should have left it completely open - some days won't work for us. Please can you drop me a text if you'd like to come over, and I can let you know if it's convenient? "
This is perfect!
bunnunk · 01/04/2022 16:46

Can you tell a white lie and say you have had a break-in and that shake you a bit. Say you would install security cameras and the like, but in the meantime stop coming over uninvited as it frightens you if someone is in the garden

Whatsmyname100 · 01/04/2022 16:47

I think it was very silly to make such an offer. Surely you must have thought about ways how this could become a problem? We were the only ones to have a pool (another country) and there were many hints from friends for such an offer but we didn't extend any. If it's to do with your home, it has to be invite only. These situations can get way out of hand.

Bettyboopawoop · 01/04/2022 16:48

Could you not put a padlock on the Gate and day someone ne tried breaking in? And then on the days you are out unlock it?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 01/04/2022 16:48

Just say you've realised on days your work from home you've realised it can be quite distracting having people over/ noise of kids playing picked up in meeting so while they are welcome can they text first to make sure it's a day noone is wfh?

Retrievemysanity · 01/04/2022 16:48

I’d totally understand if I was one of the mums and you just said ‘actually, I know I said not to bother asking but the reality is it’s a bit awkward when I’m wfh or ill to have people in the garden so could you text before you come in future’. It’s not as much of a big deal is you’re building up in your head!!

MarinoRoyale · 01/04/2022 16:52

@stuntbubbles

I would quite simply move house.
Me too 🤣
ChickinMarango · 01/04/2022 16:52

Could you not just say you’ve worked from home a few times and it’s been distracting so you will let them know on the day if it’s off limits? It may be easier than them texting you as I’m sure they’d come on a whim sometimes (this is of course if you genuinely don’t mind them there on your days you aren’t home). Also discuss the issue of insurance with them and maybe broach that you’re worried about liability if any issues occur.

AlisonDonut · 01/04/2022 16:54

I'd just put a padlock on the gate and if anyone asks, just say you had issues and so you can't provide open garden any more. You do not have to expand on the issues. You can just say you don't want to go into it.

underneaththeash · 01/04/2022 16:55

Just send a text when you’re at home to say the equipment isn’t available to use today.
Something like ‘I’m wfh/ill/having lunch with a friend today/this week/tomorrow. So, sorry the equipment isn’t available to use. See you soon.’

2catsandhappy · 01/04/2022 17:00

Just text to say you are working from home more and that sometimes the garden won't be available.

Kuachui · 01/04/2022 17:01

i would say someones broken something and so unfortunately your going to have to stop allowing people in as more and more are asking and now somethinga broken

Ninjaexpress · 01/04/2022 17:02

I think you should read this (and other advice easily found) and reconsider. www.ibbclaims.co.uk/site/blog/catastrophic-events-and-serious-injury/can-you-claim-compensation-from-an-injury-at-a-friends-home

godmum56 · 01/04/2022 17:02

@SprayedWithDettol

I would check with your insurer that this is appropriate. And put a lock on the gate.
I'd use the insurance get out and say you are so sorry but you have checked with your insurer and they won't allow it both for burglary security and thord party accident cover. You don't know what you were thinking not to have checked the insurance ramifications before you made the offer and you are soooo sorry to have to retract it. And change the lock on the gate.
Kuachui · 01/04/2022 17:02

then you can always say if they text you beforehand then you dont mind them using it as youll know whos been there as it was left a mess or something

L0stinCyberspace · 01/04/2022 17:03

Eek this sounds so uncomfortable! But the insurance issue would worry me. Even if you talk to your friends there's no knowing what people will do if they think public liability will cover £££s so I'd say that you realised you have to be with visitors when their children are using the play equipment so unfortunately you have to retract the offer.

OakRowan · 01/04/2022 17:03

@SnowyPetals

I would message them saying "Ladies I fear I was a bit hasty with the open house invitation for our playground. You're all still most welcome, I just don't think I should have left it completely open - some days won't work for us. Please can you drop me a text if you'd like to come over, and I can let you know if it's convenient? "
Yeah this is perfect, you could start out saying that you are now both working from home, so you need this change.
OakRowan · 01/04/2022 17:04

And if you have a gate/fence round it get a bolt/padlock on the inside so people can't just wander in.

Ninjaexpress · 01/04/2022 17:05

The other thing is that by leaving things so that your mates can have free access in your absence, so can others who aren't so friendly. You're allowing potential house breakers to get round into your back garden where they won't be seen so easily by passers by.

FiloPasty · 01/04/2022 17:08

Do you have a link to the playground? I’m super tempted to do this in our new garden.
I won’t invite anyone :)

I agree about locking the gate though and asking them to text ahead.

Clymene · 01/04/2022 17:08

I would a) check with your insurers and then b) send something like @SnowyPetals message.

If your insurers are happy for them to use it, then ask in advance and okay. But I'd fit a lock to the gate so that they can't get in if you say no.