To ask them to text me before using my garden?

[unassertive]

We had a big play park installed in part of our back garden a while ago. I have a few local mums I have over for play dates quite a lot and they were all saying it's brilliant and better than the village park (the village park is awful which is why we initially decided to get our own) I said to them that as our house is empty most weekdays that they can feel free to use it when we're at work just let themselves in no need to ask.

Obviously they are only doing what I said they could, I don't think for a second they are being unreasonable. I've not been well this week and fell asleep on the sofa this morning and woke up hearing something and could see one of them out the french doors sat on the decking and her kids playing on the park. I felt really embarrassed having to stand up and wanted to just hide until she was gone as I didn't feel well or very social. I did pop out to say hi but got stuck in conversation and felt too awkward to ask her to go as I didn't feel well. It happened the other day too with a different friend and I just wanted to go put my washing out on the line but due to feeling unwell and looking rough I didn't want her to see me and she wasn't to know I was there so I just avoided doors and windows. Her toddler fell asleep in her buggy and she sat there on my garden furniture on her phone for a couple of hours and I just felt like I was having to hide in my own house

How do I retract an offer like this? I genuinely don't mind them using it outside of play dates but preferably only when I'm not home and feel obligated to go say hi, chat and offer coffee etc. AIBU if I ask if they could text first after all? I feel rude as is previously said just turn up and I don't want them to think I have a problem having to see them and get offended

Couldn't you bend the truth a bit and say that you have noticed others have been letting themselves in and using it so you will need to lock the gate going forward but if they text ahead, you will leave the gate unlocked on that particular day.

Unless you nip this in the bud, you are going to be hiding in your house all summer.

I can foresee this getting totally out of hand. What happens when they invite random ‘friends of friends’ you’ve never met? Granting people access to your home is not a good idea in terms of security risk. Does it not invalidate your insurance?

Btw, the point at which your friend’s toddler fell asleep in her buggy was the point at which she should have fucked off back to her own home.

Also you need to think about what happens if someone is hurt on the equipment. You would find yourself liable

Blimey, why on earth would you offer such a thing?!

Be honest. Say you have revisited as you need some privacy so can they text before coming over to make sure it’s ok

They can't access the house just the back garden. Though I hadn't thought of it from security point of view as I do know them all well enough to trust they aren't going to break in or anything but I will check in regards to insurance

In hindsight it was a bad idea to offer, it was just a lot of money and the village one is crap so it made sense to get the use out of it - that was the logic. I just hate when I'm off work ill or decide to work from home and they are here thinking I'm not. We did also say use at your own risk etc and they all said of course. It was 3 friends I offered to use it and 2 of them have done so fairly regularly when I'm at work it's just the couple of times I've been here where I've been uncomfortable with it. If they start bringing plus ones I'll be horrified!

I could say about locking the gate for security reasons yes, thank you. It's so awkward as it's entirely my fault for offering.

I would quite simply move house.

Be honest. Say you have revisited as you need some privacy so can they text before coming over to make sure it’s ok

This

Just send a message saying that it's likely you (or your partner) will be home through the week sometimes, so could they please get in touch in advance if they want to use the garden, as there will be some days it won't be available.

I think it is fine to readjust expectations a little.

If there's a group WhatsApp or similar that you can post to then I would post something like:

I'm really glad that our play equipment is being used and we will be delighted for this to continue but the whole 'just come any time' isn't really working for us and there have been a few awkward times when it would have been more convenient for there not to anyone there at that particular time. So whilst the invitation is still firmly still mostly open, please could you just text to check with me first in case it doesn't work for me when you are planning to come over?

But you did actually say no need to ask. I would make something up like you found out you aren't insured for this so you will need to withdraw the offer. It's probably true anyway.

I think the locking the gate for security but text the night before if you want to use it and you’ll leave it open is a good idea. No one can be upset with that.

@Oriunda

Btw, the point at which your friend’s toddler fell asleep in her buggy was the point at which she should have fucked off back to her own home.

What? Why! She didn’t know the op was there. She was invited by the op.

Op this was a very generous and very silly offer, you must have known there are times you’d be home.

I’d text and say as a pp said, you’ve had some issues with local kids jist text in advance. The thing is I don’t know how you then say no don’t come when they do text.

I would check with your insurer that this is appropriate. And put a lock on the gate.

@stuntbubbles

I would quite simply move house.

Honestly more appealing than having to awkwardly backtrack at this point!

We did also say use at your own risk etc and they all said of course.

That'll mean nothing if one of the kids gets a bad injury, and they decide it's your fault, or someone misses out on income/has to pay out for something as a result...

Could you use the Covid hybrid working situation as an excuse? Say you're pleased they've got some use out of it; but your working situation is now more fluid and so you'll need them to prebook to make it all work?

That's an absolutely reasonable request, by the way. You don't need to feel bad about it. You offered that they could use it and they have, and now it doesn't really work for you anymore so you're adjusting it a bit. They're still able to use it.

@stuntbubbles

I would quite simply move house.

This. The solution for any self respecting English person

Say you have renewed your home insurance and need to have a lock on the back gate due to the value of the equipment?

We did also say use at your own risk etc and they all said of course.

That will count for nothing if you find yourself having to defend your actions in a court of law. If you invite them into your garden and someone has an accident, if they decide to sue you the onus will be on you to prove that your actions weren't the cause of said accident.

I would message them saying "Ladies I fear I was a bit hasty with the open house invitation for our playground. You're all still most welcome, I just don't think I should have left it completely open - some days won't work for us. Please can you drop me a text if you'd like to come over, and I can let you know if it's convenient? "

We did also say use at your own risk etc and they all said of course

Well yes, they do - until something goes wrong, and then attitudes can change pretty fast

Personally I liked the PP's suggestion: "'m really glad that our play equipment is being used and we will be delighted for this to continue but the whole 'just come any time' isn't really working for us and there have been a few awkward times when it would have been more convenient for there not to anyone there at that particular time. So whilst the invitation is still firmly still mostly open, please could you just text to check with me first in case it doesn't work for me when you are planning to come over?"

Because otherwise it's only going to get worse

@nokidshere

We did also say use at your own risk etc and they all said of course.

That will count for nothing if you find yourself having to defend your actions in a court of law. If you invite them into your garden and someone has an accident, if they decide to sue you the onus will be on you to prove that your actions weren't the cause of said accident.

Oh for goodness sake. 😂

@WeCouldBeSpearows

Just send a message saying that it's likely you (or your partner) will be home through the week sometimes, so could they please get in touch in advance if they want to use the garden, as there will be some days it won't be available.

This is a perfect message to send.

@SprayedWithDettol

I would check with your insurer that this is appropriate. And put a lock on the gate.

Yes, of someone gets hurt you could be liable