To ask them to text me before using my garden?

[unassertive]

We had a big play park installed in part of our back garden a while ago. I have a few local mums I have over for play dates quite a lot and they were all saying it's brilliant and better than the village park (the village park is awful which is why we initially decided to get our own) I said to them that as our house is empty most weekdays that they can feel free to use it when we're at work just let themselves in no need to ask.

Obviously they are only doing what I said they could, I don't think for a second they are being unreasonable. I've not been well this week and fell asleep on the sofa this morning and woke up hearing something and could see one of them out the french doors sat on the decking and her kids playing on the park. I felt really embarrassed having to stand up and wanted to just hide until she was gone as I didn't feel well or very social. I did pop out to say hi but got stuck in conversation and felt too awkward to ask her to go as I didn't feel well. It happened the other day too with a different friend and I just wanted to go put my washing out on the line but due to feeling unwell and looking rough I didn't want her to see me and she wasn't to know I was there so I just avoided doors and windows. Her toddler fell asleep in her buggy and she sat there on my garden furniture on her phone for a couple of hours and I just felt like I was having to hide in my own house

How do I retract an offer like this? I genuinely don't mind them using it outside of play dates but preferably only when I'm not home and feel obligated to go say hi, chat and offer coffee etc. AIBU if I ask if they could text first after all? I feel rude as is previously said just turn up and I don't want them to think I have a problem having to see them and get offended

Are you liable for any injury?

In which case say -you have been told my the council / insurance etc -that you can not just allow anyone in and you need to be supervising so from now on it's family only or anyone invited at a set day and time by you

Blame it on insurance - you are not covered if they hurt themselves in your absence…

I would be genuinely afraid that someone would get hurt, and sue.

I would withdraw the offer asap and possibly get this thread deleted as well.

Okay I would say ‘ DH and I going to be working from home a bit more and with the weather getting warmer will be wanting privacy to work out in the garden, I also had a thought that I would be liable for any accidents if I’m not there so probably best stick to play dates, are you free on x date for a bbq?’

Or ‘we’re having a chemical treatment on the lawn so please don’t use the garden as it won’t be safe’

@TempName01

Okay I would say ‘ DH and I going to be working from home a bit more and with the weather getting warmer will be wanting privacy to work out in the garden, I also had a thought that I would be liable for any accidents if I’m not there so probably best stick to play dates, are you free on x date for a bbq?’

Or ‘we’re having a chemical treatment on the lawn so please don’t use the garden as it won’t be safe’

This works. Basically you want your garden back and it isn't unreasonable to say so.

Really don't trust anyone nor to sue if a child has an accident. They will be pushed into it and you could lose everything.

I run my own business which includes people coming into the house and am insured to £10 million (and it probably needs to be increased).

Just say hi working from home a bit in the next few weeks. Still ok for you to come over but is it ok to text before incase I’ll be home that day.
Going forward very generous of you but always ask people to text first before you offer something like that.

You say they are good friends, just tell the truth. Lies about insurance or saying your partner doesnt like it etc may result in them offering solutions and then you are stuck.

You seemed so kind to offer but did you not stop and think for one second, this is not going to end well and they are taking advantage of your generosity.All I can see happening here is strangers will start turning up,it reminds me of the swimming pool thread on here at the moment where the friend wants to use it when the lady is on holidays.The next thing is you will see those take away coffee cups left on your outdoor furniture and sweet wrappers where they won't even bring them home and the other mums might want to host their little darling's birthday parties in hour garden.Sorry op but I do think you need to do something quickly,I think it's an awful idea to get them to text before they come because then you'll be getting texts every other day

I'm sure it invalidates your insurance if you have people on your property when you're not there, especially when you don't even know who or when.

I know you've done this with the best of intentions, and your obviously a very kind person, but this is madness Op. Quite apart from legal liability you will end up with half the village children in your garden once word spreads.

Please don't make any excuses like lawn treatments, everyone will just come back the next week. Bite the bullet and tell the DM's that you've had a re think and now want them to a) call/text you before coming round incase it's not a good time b) speak to your insurers who will probably be aghast (that should probably be first) and invest in a bloody good gate lock incase anyone turns out to be a CF!

Asking them to text ahead will also become a huge issue. Do you really want to answer 3 texts a day, while you are working, or I’ll, and to have to be saying ‘no’?

Just say, by message, ‘as summer approaches and we will be outside in our garden more, with different work patterns, I am keeping use of our garden for our get togethers only. Who’s available on xxx date?’

Where are your own children while others are using their play equipment?

And then when you see them be really honest “OMG, I’m so sorry about the change. But after DH only just managed to avoid flashing his starkers self through the French windows because he didn’t know anyone was there, we thought it was getting a bit risky! And to be honest, much as I love everyone, I didn’t realise how I would feel about being at home ill, and everyone out in my garden”.

Just blame it on local kids getting in, so you need to lock the gate and hybrid working where you / your husband want to enjoy the garden, but need quiet to work

I'd be really worried if someone's kid hurt themselves. Hopefully your insurance will confirm that there is no cover if that happens and you will have to rescind the offer. Good luck!

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Blimey, why on earth would you offer such a thing?!

I was thinking the same thing! My idea of hell. Imagine if it is nice weather over esster. Id say thst lots os other people are using it

Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Blimey, why on earth would you offer such a thing?!

Indeed. You're nuts. Lovely, but nuts.

Well it genuinely hadn't occurred to me that anyone else would let themselves in or that those I had allowed would bring anyone, they haven't yet but perhaps I'm just naive! 4 days a week we are both at work and dc at nursery so I didn't mind then but being ill and working from home meant I was here when they didn't expect me to be.

I didn't think they'd be the type to sue me but to be fair they are all friends but very much through kids so perhaps I don't know them well enough to make a risky call. Cancelling the whole thing seems scarier but I feel I should now

I would send out a message to say, still welcome to use the play equipment. But please text beforehand.

Gosh I’m surprised you don’t have people bringing friends along and then soon enough they’ll be coming alone/without the invited friends! Definitely nip this in the bud. Something along the lines of text its not working anymore from a security perspective…

You seem too kind and now you realize the reality of it all. I would check about insurance and I would go with that one to be honest. Tell them you had to talk to the insurers and they told you to put a lock on the gate and also how you will be responsible if anyone gets injured. I know it is difficult situation but just talk to them over a coffee and say you honestly did not realize the implications of the insurance and if anything happened to a child you would be liable and could lose everything. Just talk to them or else the summer will be awful with kids over all the time and what if lots of kids are there running wild in your garden, sounds like a nightmare situation. Arrange a special play date for you all and am sure they will understand.

Seems to me that the people using your play area are taking the proverbial P. Do people not ask out of politeness, or tell/text the owner that they will be over and is that OK with you today? I know you said come over anytime, but manners should include a text from the users anyway IMV.

CFs the lot of them. Now YOU have the problem and they don't care.

Anyway OP, have you a pic or a link for the playground, and are you a relative of the Queen, and how many acres do you have that a playground fits in nicely LOL. I'm dead curious though so spill if you can!

I would make up a lie to get out of it. Something about working from home a few days a week so while you initially said no need to ask please can they check first.

I wouldn't care about being sued or insurance for friends using the garden risk is minimal.

I'd withdraw the open invitation saying its not allowed under your insurance.

I have no idea of it I'd or not but it does sound dodgy - what if they have an accident?