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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

356 replies

bananatwain · 01/04/2022 06:50

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

OP posts:
BooseysMom · 03/04/2022 09:47

Waiting until you're 35 is not a wise choice imo. If you really cannot afford to have children before that, okay - but so many people wait until it's the "perfect" time, by which it's either too late to have more than one, or they realise they need treatment for infertility, or they have health issues, etc.

That's what we did! We met in our early 30s and were renting a flat we couldn't have kids in, then my OH had a succession of short term jobs, then he got ill, and by the time we moved to a house and started ttc I was late 30s. DS was third time lucky after 2 mcs. If we had waited any longer we would have been out of time. As it was we had to get out of the house we had DS in as the landlord was horrible and said we should not have kids there. It has been bloody awful but we were lucky that we had DS, we just couldn't have another.

Maverickess · 03/04/2022 09:47

@Nothappyatwork

Supply and demand *@Maverickess* youve held all the cards for 2years now to demand a pay rise. Have you ?
Held all the cards? In what way? Do you really think that anyone listens to the likes of me? You're not, so why assume anyone else would? Like I said this type of rubbish is to justify the shitty treatment of people that are relied upon and necessary without having to spend too much money.

And yes, I have, we have as a collective group where I work. Unfortunately we've been told no - can't have profit taking a hit can we. And now I get to pay more in the form of national insurance to support a system I already subsidise through the work I do.
And the supply and demand thing falls flat in social care, it's happening now, companies handing back LA contracts because even they recognise there's nothing left to squeeze, the supply has dried up, yet nothing is changing regarding recruitment and attracting people to the industry, unless you count a TV ad campaign. The demand is there and it's ever increasing and the supply has dropped, yet nothing is being done to address that which further drives people out of the job.
Yet I'm the problem? 🤨

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 09:53

@Maverickess i’m not suggesting you’re the problem at all you literally have to vote with your feet it’s the only way to send a very firm message that you’re not gonna put up with this shit any more. I love that contracts are being handed back actually that’s huge progress rather than trying to make it work when it’s literally impossible.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/04/2022 10:05

[quote Nothappyatwork]@Waxonwaxoff0 obviously not everyone is equipped we can’t all be managing directors …. So I’m afraid we do need to accept that in life if you’re “not equipped” you’re not gonna have a good life, but if you’re not equipped and you’re not having a good life you probably won’t know any different.[/quote]
We shouldn't accept that though. People on low wages work just as hard as those on high wages. They deserve more than just paying bills and existing.

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 10:21

Why shouldn’t we accept that ? 100 years ago those that could only mine or dig etc went down mines and if they were lucky they survived, they lived happily, they ate, enjoyed their families, we have actually come a very long way. The demand for unskilled labour is diminishing honestly don’t know what we’re gonna do with some people. They will have to evolve.

I think what people forget is it we need 5% of the population to be unemployed for capitalism to work so we literally need to pay some people dole money or whatever to just make the rest of the cogs turn.

Maverickess · 03/04/2022 10:28

[quote Nothappyatwork]@Maverickess i’m not suggesting you’re the problem at all you literally have to vote with your feet it’s the only way to send a very firm message that you’re not gonna put up with this shit any more. I love that contracts are being handed back actually that’s huge progress rather than trying to make it work when it’s literally impossible.[/quote]
If you’re still doing a minimum wage job after three or four years in employment you really do have to have a serious look at your life and wonder what you’ve done wrong why haven’t you progressed up the ladder ?

This is what you said, and I'm literally pence above nmw, especially now as it's gone up and mine hasn't, so it applies to me. I did what you're 'supposed' to do, I worked hard, I trained, I do the extra shifts....... Yet according to you I have to wonder what I did wrong.
And yes, I'm looking to get out, I'm looking for opportunities where I'm not going to be treated that way - but finding that they don't actually exist in the care sector because it's far to used to exploiting people and then blaming them for that. On the wider scale I can see the industry needs people like me, but unfortunately there's an element of society that shuts itself off to that and insists that people in minimum wage jobs are doing something wrong, while happily relying on them to provide the service they do.

People look at the wage and assume your worth from that, if you actually delved deeper and saw the real worth of a job like mine, the relatives of the people I care for being free to do their jobs and earn better money, the profit the company makes divvied up between the share holders to sustain their lifestyle - and that's just the financial worth, without factoring in the human worth of ensuring that the vulnerable people in our society are at least as safe as can be when they can't do that for themselves.

Sending back contracts is only a good thing if it forces a change - but the only change happening is that people are going without care when they need it and no one seems bothered about that. Perhaps when it reaches the point where people can't go off and do their better jobs for better pay and feel they're worth more, but instead are having to care for their own relatives, realisation may dawn and things might change - I'm not holding my breath though, nor hanging around to see if it happens.

Blossomtoes · 03/04/2022 10:35

@Nothappyatwork

Why shouldn’t we accept that ? 100 years ago those that could only mine or dig etc went down mines and if they were lucky they survived, they lived happily, they ate, enjoyed their families, we have actually come a very long way. The demand for unskilled labour is diminishing honestly don’t know what we’re gonna do with some people. They will have to evolve. I think what people forget is it we need 5% of the population to be unemployed for capitalism to work so we literally need to pay some people dole money or whatever to just make the rest of the cogs turn.
My dad (born 1916) came from a mining community and he’d be howling with laughter at your rose tinted description of his childhood. You have absolutely no idea. None.
Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 10:35

@Maverickess you took the wrong job, it’s that simple my cousins a carer, she looks about 20 years older than me. Her life is absolute shit and she’s not even a nice person that you’d want caring for your granny anyway. Stinks of cigarette smoke takes cocaine at the weekend to escape from her miserable life honestly don’t know why anybody would do it for double minimum wage never mind minimum , as you say if the industry folds and people have to look after their own relatives I actually can’t see any disadvantages to that.

RussianSpy101 · 03/04/2022 10:40

@lollipoprainbow oh gosh! Fancy someone posting about their parents on a thread asking people to post about their parents 😂😂😂

PoseyFlump · 03/04/2022 10:43

Crikey this thread has taken a turn. The one thing I can't stand is people implying that 'if you just work hard enough you can achieve anything you want' because it's simply not true. In some industries it's who you know not what you know. There is no level playing field in life. If you're born disadvantaged it's not as simple as 'work harder at school'.

Maverickess · 03/04/2022 10:44

[quote Nothappyatwork]@Maverickess you took the wrong job, it’s that simple my cousins a carer, she looks about 20 years older than me. Her life is absolute shit and she’s not even a nice person that you’d want caring for your granny anyway. Stinks of cigarette smoke takes cocaine at the weekend to escape from her miserable life honestly don’t know why anybody would do it for double minimum wage never mind minimum , as you say if the industry folds and people have to look after their own relatives I actually can’t see any disadvantages to that.[/quote]
So, instead of progression we just carry on the way we are until it collapses completely, leaving a bigger mess than we have now?

All so that some people can stick to their beliefs that anyone in a minimum wage job has done something wrong?

So glad I'm in the process of getting out of this, this type of attitude is at the heart of what's wrong in social care. Genuinely hope that you or anyone you care about needs care in the future, because if you can get it, and you have your way, it'll be from people who are only in the job as a stepping stone to that better job, or from people only doing it because the job centre makes them, can't see that improving care standards.

KELLOGSspeck · 03/04/2022 10:45

[quote Nothappyatwork]@Maverickess you took the wrong job, it’s that simple my cousins a carer, she looks about 20 years older than me. Her life is absolute shit and she’s not even a nice person that you’d want caring for your granny anyway. Stinks of cigarette smoke takes cocaine at the weekend to escape from her miserable life honestly don’t know why anybody would do it for double minimum wage never mind minimum , as you say if the industry folds and people have to look after their own relatives I actually can’t see any disadvantages to that.[/quote]
You don't sound like a nice person either. It's not just elderly needing care. Perfectly healthy people end up in road traffic accidents, have strokes, heart attack the list goes on and this can happen to any one of us. Let's be humble because considering you wouldn't want the job... I don't know who would look after your OWN child,husband, mother or best friend.

The hypocrisy. No wonder you can't see the disadvantage.

Maverickess · 03/04/2022 10:45

*don't need care

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 10:46

But it’s already like that @Maverickess you already have the majority working in roles they aren’t suited for with the odd diamond.

Personally I think it should only be a role that’s available to the degree qualified, to actual nursing staff but that’s gone down the toilet already.

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 10:47

@KELLOGSspeck after a extremely brief period of working in the childcare industry I actually wouldn’t leave anybody I care about and love to be looked after by anybody else ever again.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/04/2022 10:56

[quote Nothappyatwork]@Waxonwaxoff0 obviously not everyone is equipped we can’t all be managing directors …. So I’m afraid we do need to accept that in life if you’re “not equipped” you’re not gonna have a good life, but if you’re not equipped and you’re not having a good life you probably won’t know any different.[/quote]
.....this has been a justification for complacency about poverty since time began.

"The poor are too stupid to know how unhappy they are."

It's very difficult to take seriously anything expressed by anyone who has this attitude.

KELLOGSspeck · 03/04/2022 10:57

[quote Nothappyatwork]@KELLOGSspeck after a extremely brief period of working in the childcare industry I actually wouldn’t leave anybody I care about and love to be looked after by anybody else ever again.[/quote]
Ironic that it was brief..

Maverickess · 03/04/2022 11:00

@Nothappyatwork

But it’s already like that *@Maverickess* you already have the majority working in roles they aren’t suited for with the odd diamond. Personally I think it should only be a role that’s available to the degree qualified, to actual nursing staff but that’s gone down the toilet already.
But here you are advocating for that to be made worse by not valuing the 'diamonds' and telling them they're doing something wrong because they're low earning and chose the wrong job, therefore decreasing their number, replacing them with with more people that aren't suitable. Yet think care should be delivered by degree trained professionals?

Odd approach.

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 11:01

No there was nothing ironic about it, it served the purpose that it needed to at the time for me and then the moment that it wasn’t serving a purpose I left funnily enough I knew I was never gonna get rich doing it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/04/2022 11:02

[quote Nothappyatwork]@KELLOGSspeck after a extremely brief period of working in the childcare industry I actually wouldn’t leave anybody I care about and love to be looked after by anybody else ever again.[/quote]
Right. So how do people go to work then if there's no one to look after their children and elderly relatives?

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 11:02

@WalkingOnTheCracks I did not say the poor are stupid you said that.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/04/2022 11:04

[quote Nothappyatwork]@WalkingOnTheCracks I did not say the poor are stupid you said that.[/quote]
you’re not gonna have a good life, but if you’re not equipped and you’re not having a good life you probably won’t know any different.

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 11:06

@WalkingOnTheCracks … and you interpreted that as poor equalling stupid did you ?

KELLOGSspeck · 03/04/2022 11:07

@Nothappyatwork

No there was nothing ironic about it, it served the purpose that it needed to at the time for me and then the moment that it wasn’t serving a purpose I left funnily enough I knew I was never gonna get rich doing it.
Its ironic alright. You are looking down on them Jobs TRUTH be known you couldn't provide that service to your loved ones. Quite clearly you couldn't multiple people are ill at once how on earth would you go to work with a severly disabled child or husband?? Ridiculous talk .... your like the high up managers who sit in the offices.... but in reality they know F all about how work places are actually run because they are not on the floor for one.

Not to mention the emotional effect it would have on your mental health yet you "claim" you would do it... behave your delusional at best.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/04/2022 11:08

[quote Nothappyatwork]@WalkingOnTheCracks … and you interpreted that as poor equalling stupid did you ?[/quote]
you’re not equipped and you’re not having a good life you probably won’t know any different

You really are beneath contempt.

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