Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

[bananatwain]

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

Totally.

Life is pretty shit for a lot of people. I worry about it lots and wish I could do more, because honestly? There but for the grace of God go I.

OP please check out entitledto, Turn to us and the Smallwood Trust.

I'm sorry you have it so shit.

Gingerbread provides support for line parents.
www.gingerbread.org.uk/

I don't see why some people think that people who live in poverty should not have kids. Children are a joy, they add so much love and happiness to our lives, why should you do without that just because you aren't wealthy?
@HistoricMoment

You don't need to be WEALTHY to have kids, you just need to improve your situation until you can afford them so it avoids then blaming the system and complaining that life is shit. Life is whatever you created.
Work/study... get more years of working experience under your belt. Get a skill. I wanted kids from early 20s but could not afford them, I waited until I was 35 to have one.

@fridaRose

*I don't see why some people think that people who live in poverty should not have kids. Children are a joy, they add so much love and happiness to our lives, why should you do without that just because you aren't wealthy? *@HistoricMoment**

You don't need to be WEALTHY to have kids, you just need to improve your situation until you can afford them so it avoids then blaming the system and complaining that life is shit. Life is whatever you created.
Work/study... get more years of working experience under your belt. Get a skill. I wanted kids from early 20s but could not afford them, I waited until I was 35 to have one.

Waiting until you're 35 is not a wise choice imo. If you really cannot afford to have children before that, okay - but so many people wait until it's the "perfect" time, by which it's either too late to have more than one, or they realise they need treatment for infertility, or they have health issues, etc.

I generally don't agree with the stance that no one should claim help from the state for their children though. The state is there to help us in times of need: when we're very young, very old, ill, when fuel costs rise or we lose our home in a flood. I don't claim benefits myself but don't begrudge anyone who does, even when they have 4, 6 or 22 children.

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

WOW!

What is a career? What do you do for a living because you seem to lack intellect yourself... my mind is boggling for you.

Let me enlightening you. People NEED a high IQ to go on and study to A level and do a degree... we do not all have the intellect or family support and encouragement to do so. If your not lucky enough to be intelligent then unfortunately you are going to struggle to complete a degree. Flip side there's many people with NO degree and they earn excellent salaries!

Your parents obviously forget to teach you manners.

@RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho

Totally.

Life is pretty shit for a lot of people. I worry about it lots and wish I could do more, because honestly? There but for the grace of God go I.

OP please check out entitledto, Turn to us and the Smallwood Trust.

I'm sorry you have it so shit.

I agree. Ring CAB for a benefit calculation you don't sound like you are receiving much help. £700 in nursery fees is a lot.

@HistoricMoment I didn't wait until it was a 'perfect' time, I waited until I could bring up a child not in poverty. Trust me I wanted to have a baby sooner and it was heartbreaking watching what seemed like everyone else around me having kids.
And I did have a termination at 25 because I couldn't afford a kid at that time.

Life is usually not exactly fair and we are all a result of our (often tough) choices.

@KELLOGSspeck I have reread my original post and I still cannot find the words A Levels, university or degree. Could you point them out to me please?

I at no point insinuated one requires a degree, or even a levels, to get a career. I merely asked if she had a stable career.

@RussianSpy101 what do you deem to be a career?

@KELLOGSspeck sat laughing at some who said “let me enlightening you” and who doesn’t know the difference between your / you’re telling me I’m not intelligent 😂😂

@KELLOGSspeck you can look it up if you’re not sure what a career is.

@SnackSizeRaisin

Move to a cheaper area? Claim universal credit to get help with costs?

You are at the most difficult point with a pre school aged child - things will get cheaper.

But I do think it might be of benefit to count your blessings a bit too. You have a roof over your head, a job, free education for your child, free healthcare for both of you, parents who love you enough to help. A peaceful country with benefits. Even a car is a huge luxury that only 50% of adults in this country have. And we are in one of the richest countries in the world. I suggest going to one of the many poorer countries around the world to see how they manage. Or even how poor people in this country lived a few decades ago.

Maybe your living conditions are not what you aspire to but it's a long way from poverty.

Dear God

Christ, there are some sanctimonious arseholes on here.

As a counselling professional once told me, no helpful sentence ever started with 'At least...'

@fridaRose

*I don't see why some people think that people who live in poverty should not have kids. Children are a joy, they add so much love and happiness to our lives, why should you do without that just because you aren't wealthy? *@HistoricMoment**

You don't need to be WEALTHY to have kids, you just need to improve your situation until you can afford them so it avoids then blaming the system and complaining that life is shit. Life is whatever you created.
Work/study... get more years of working experience under your belt. Get a skill. I wanted kids from early 20s but could not afford them, I waited until I was 35 to have one.

You CANNOT always improve your situation. You do understand that somebody has to do the minimum wage jobs?

[quote RussianSpy101]@KELLOGSspeck sat laughing at some who said “let me enlightening you” and who doesn’t know the difference between your / you’re telling me I’m not intelligent 😂😂[/quote]
Where did I say YOU was not intelligent? My point was even if you are (which I do not doubt) my point was that your wording of "career" was very arrogant towards OP. Perhaps you shouldn't rush to assume things because I was not implying you didn't have a stable job... I was merely stating that you have a nasty understone which is quite shitty!

I also stated not everyone is as fortunate...

That’s true somebody does and those best suited to doing a minimum wage job are those with minimal responsibilities, kids straight out of school living at home, people who probably should’ve retired already but due to circumstances haven’t but have a minimum expenses, or those households with the second income.
If you’re still doing a minimum wage job after three or four years in employment you really do have to have a serious look at your life and wonder what you’ve done wrong why haven’t you progressed up the ladder ? I’m more to the point what are you going to do about it

@Nothappyatwork life isn't as simple as that. Have you noticed the majority of people have come from certain backgrounds which consist of stability, money and parents having some knowledge of pushing your child in the right direction. It's not just flying through your exams it's down to pure luck and determination.

I notice a lot of my colleagues have come from a certain place and they are in that place mainly because the parents and siblings have similar steady lives also.

Sometimes you don't know any better... I didn't know these things until I got older. I look around my colleagues which are Dr's... surgeons but the reality is the vast majority didn't just land that role they have come from a certain life and I do not dispute they have worked hard. But so do cleaners and people who work in a retail shop.

@Waxonwaxoff0 is right who would do the lower paid jobs.

@Nothappyatwork

That’s true somebody does and those best suited to doing a minimum wage job are those with minimal responsibilities, kids straight out of school living at home, people who probably should’ve retired already but due to circumstances haven’t but have a minimum expenses, or those households with the second income. If you’re still doing a minimum wage job after three or four years in employment you really do have to have a serious look at your life and wonder what you’ve done wrong why haven’t you progressed up the ladder ? I’m more to the point what are you going to do about it

Or maybe we should be wondering why people in important jobs that support society are still paid minimum wage, despite years of experience and qualifications? I earn pence above nmw for a senior position, I have maxed out training opportunities provided and so cannot move forward without paying for it myself, which on my wage I can't afford, and to boot because of my senior role am called upon left right and centre to cover shifts also leaving me time poor. Aside to the cost of living, there's a crisis in getting people to work in social care, an industry that many in their 'better' jobs seem to have no problem relying on to get their relatives looked after so they can continue to actually do their better jobs, they only seem to have a problem when it comes to what I'm paid needing top ups - then I'm doing something wrong apparently because I don't earn enough, yet despite the obvious lack of resources, demand high standards and are wilfully blind to the reality. Well we're seeing the results of that now, with the recruitment crisis in social care, I'm another one looking to get out, I'm sick of being physically assaulted, blamed for the systematic problems that exist, and being treated like crap by a society that relies on me and my colleagues and paid a pittance while being told it's all my own fault for doing something wrong, being lazy, not being inspired enough and all the other drivel that people come out with to justify exploiting others to get done what they want done.

Supply and demand @Maverickess youve held all the cards for 2years now to demand a pay rise. Have you ?

@KELLOGSspeck I agree with you. Lots of 16-18 year olds, certainly back in my day (am very old!) had no guidance at all from adults. Just told to get a job, any job. So girls/women got jobs as shop assistants, or typists etc, then left home shortly afterwards, so we're trapped because they couldn't afford to train for a better job because they had rent to pay - no-one to support them while they did any training you see - so they just stayed in those endless low-paid dead-end jobs. It has improved in recent years - careers advice in schools is much, much better, but it is often still down to the adults around them. One sneer at the idea of university, or moving away for training, and the young person is put off.

I’m a little confused as to how you are paying £700 on top of the 30 free hours. This seems like a lot… is there any was you can reduce this? I’m sure it’s not ideal living with your parents but at least they are supportive so try to think if that as a blessing. Go for the promotions… but make sure you do do with a positive attitude, you can do it, you deserve it and talk to those in a similar role to get the inside track on the job, that can be a big help. Please do also remember your GP is there to help if the anxiety gets too much. Sending you a big virtual hug 💐

PS @RussianSpy101 what a thoroughly unpleasant human being you are. You know nothing of OP’s circumstances so keep your sanctimonious preaching to yourself. Can you not see that this is someone who is struggling right now and is asking for a little support?

@RussianSpy101 has moved onto another thread now telling us how wonderful her parents are. A very smug individual.

@Waxonwaxoff0 obviously not everyone is equipped we can’t all be managing directors …. So I’m afraid we do need to accept that in life if you’re “not equipped” you’re not gonna have a good life, but if you’re not equipped and you’re not having a good life you probably won’t know any different.

@Wartywart some people on here clearly live under a rock and can't see how fortunate they are and most importantly have been blessed. It's sickening.

I'm a 90s babies but I'm also the eldest of 1 of 4. My childhood was quite shitty... my mother was clueless of careers and to be Frank she did her best but she didn't have the time nor the knowledge to put me on a certain path. Tbh I've done OK and I'm content with my life.