Unsafe to go to Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda as a queer woman?

[idiotwhoworries]

I have a new job in the third sector. Very much in the future, there are opportunities for work (not permanently, but for short term projects) in several countries in Africa.

I'm married to a woman and feel so stupid because I can't safely go and work there at all, can I? Perhaps Rwanda but not the others?

I have obviously known for a long, long time why this would be problematic in theory, but it's never been relevant personally before and only now I actually have this job and the potential opportunity on the horizon am I thinking of the reality.

If any immigration officials either looked at my phone or questioned me ("are you married?" "what is your spouse's name?") they would know quick enough I am in a same sex marriage and while I imagine they can turn a blind eye and ignore - that seems like a big gamble?

Would your work even let you go? I know some companies will not deploy LGBT staff to places where they could be in danger.

These are three different countries with three different legal and cultural attitudes so I guess you'd have to do your research, but it would be foolhardy to go anywhere you might get locked up for who you're married to, unless you reckon you could cover it up reliably.

@SarahAndQuack

Would your work even let you go? I know some companies will not deploy LGBT staff to places where they could be in danger.

That's a point. They might not even consider it.

I'm lucky that it doesn't really matter in terms of the overall career prospect point of view. Just this one bit looks to be not an option.

Spent many years in Uganda, so will comment on there only.
Honestly, it's unlikely to put you in any actual danger, legal or otherwise.

I assume your employer would arranging all visas, in which case I would be very surprised and concerned if they let you go...

Lesbians are tolerated far more than gay men. The vast majority of people, immigration and law enforcement included, couldn't care less and have far bigger things to worry about.
I would be far more concerned with potential tensions among collegues.

Would you be in danger? Probably not. Would I recommend going? Not in a million years.

I would never send a queer employee anywhere that was unsafe for them

Is this a hypothetical problem or an actual problem?

Have you been offered actual placements in one of these countries or are they just possibilities in a potential future?

A lot would depend on exactly where you were working and who you'd be working with. Also whether you wanted to be out or pretend you were straight and single. In rural communities yes it could be a real problem and, even if you were not actually in danger, being considered offensive and a danger to public morality would be really unpleasant. In more urban areas things might be better, esp if you predominantly work with international staff.

Interesting, thank you for your insights.

Interested in why you describe yourself as "queer" rather than a lesbian?

Because it's the one that I feel fits me best and am most comfortable with. I am not a lesbian.

@Porcupineintherough

A lot would depend on exactly where you were working and who you'd be working with. Also whether you wanted to be out or pretend you were straight and single. In rural communities yes it could be a real problem and, even if you were not actually in danger, being considered offensive and a danger to public morality would be really unpleasant. In more urban areas things might be better, esp if you predominantly work with international staff.

It would be medical settings in rural places. I can see why that is different again to urban settings.

That's the thing - I would most likely have no need to speak much about my personal life anyway. It's just the pressure of a slip if I referred to my wife, I guess, and of course if asked outright I would be very uncomfortable pretending to be straight. I would not pretend to be married to a man.

@Mysterioso

Is this a hypothetical problem or an actual problem?

Have you been offered actual placements in one of these countries or are they just possibilities in a potential future?

It is (or was) a definite option. Why?

Although it doesn't look likely as an option now after all, because as several posters have pointed out, employers would not send lgbt staff where they are possibly unsafe.

Which is ok, there is plenty I can do in my field without going to these particular places!

@Batfurger

Message deleted by MNHQ

What do you mean? I've had some good advice. Not sure what you mean.

If you're on short term contracts, I can't see why it would be an issue. Whatever you want to call yourself.

Unless you're going to go round loudly announcing you're queer the moment you step into a room

What @Batfuger said.

Is it a same sex relationship?

How would they know you are anything other than heterosexual unless you told them? You could be selective about what you say.

Well, my wife and I have been questioned at airports before, both separately and together, about the nature of our relationship. So I was thinking along the lines of immigration staff asking questions, in terms of being asked outright I suppose.

Is it a same sex relationship?

Yes. I'm a woman married to a woman.

Interesting conundrum.

Ah OP this sounds difficult. I'm a lesbian and I've had to miss out on work stuff due to my sexuality too. I agree with pp though, they won't send you where they know you'll be unsafe.