Unsafe to go to Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda as a queer woman?

[idiotwhoworries]

I have a new job in the third sector. Very much in the future, there are opportunities for work (not permanently, but for short term projects) in several countries in Africa.

I'm married to a woman and feel so stupid because I can't safely go and work there at all, can I? Perhaps Rwanda but not the others?

I have obviously known for a long, long time why this would be problematic in theory, but it's never been relevant personally before and only now I actually have this job and the potential opportunity on the horizon am I thinking of the reality.

If any immigration officials either looked at my phone or questioned me ("are you married?" "what is your spouse's name?") they would know quick enough I am in a same sex marriage and while I imagine they can turn a blind eye and ignore - that seems like a big gamble?

Will your wife be travelling with you though? If she's not, I can't see why you'd be questioned. I've travelled a lot on my own and I just shrug and say something non committal if anyone asks me about a husband.

I suppose it depends on how much you want the experience vs how much much you feel you need to tell people you're married to another woman.

@alexdgr8

i don't understand. you are a woman married to a woman. yet you say you are not a lesbian ? how come ?

Ever heard of a bisexual? Honestly this website! OP comes here with a valid concern and suddenly it's filled with thinly veiled homophobia.

Just looking for the anti trans sentiment in my posts and can't find it. Is this projection?

Is it common in Uganda to refer to same sex relationships as queer? Couldn't say.

Does the foreign office have any specific advice for these countries? Or have I imagined that’s something they do

@Clymene

Will your wife be travelling with you though? If she's not, I can't see why you'd be questioned. I've travelled a lot on my own and I just shrug and say something non committal if anyone asks me about a husband.

I suppose it depends on how much you want the experience vs how much much you feel you need to tell people you're married to another woman.

This reply seems quite hostile...

No, I don't "feel I need to tell people I'm married to another woman"

But if I was working overseas for a couple of months, it is sobering to think my wife could not visit me, solely because of our same sex relationship. And that even casually referring to her could be something that puts me in danger, for example.

I actually think your comment is a bit shit and homophobic in a dismissive way. You clearly don't understand.

@FairyLightPups

Ah OP this sounds difficult. I'm a lesbian and I've had to miss out on work stuff due to my sexuality too. I agree with pp though, they won't send you where they know you'll be unsafe.

Thank you. Yes, this is the first time I feel I might have to miss out. It's a strange realisation - I've been very lucky until now, I realise.

Hope you haven't had to miss out on too many work opportunities yourself.

What organisation is it? If its is a reasonable size they will have travel risk assessments in place for all kinds of eventualities. There is travel advice on the government website too www.gov.uk/guidance/lesbian-gay-bisexual-and-transgender-foreign-travel-advice

It's an odd realisation isn't it, when we live in a country like the UK and then we are faced with a situation like this. Really drives home how lucky we are and how difficult it must be for LGBTQ people in other countries around the world.

The faux naivety on some of these posts is embarrassing

How would they know/find out?

If it's any help, I'm just back from rural Kenya working in healthcare. I travelled with a female colleague. On one occasion she was asked if I was her daughter or her partner. It wasn't a massive issue. No formal questions were asked at immigration either about sexuality, partner etc.

For Christ's sake shup up, @Batfurger. You're embarrassing yourself.

@Suzi888

How would they know/find out?

It's more than that - OP's wife wouldn't be able to visit safely, it would be difficult to call home safely, if OP gets asked about personal relationships on the border she could get into trouble and so on

@Suzi888

How would they know/find out?

Let's assume you have a male partner, but you somehow find yourself living and working for months at a time in a small community where people think being attracted to men is deeply wrong.

How easy would you find it, completely concealing your attraction to men for your own safety? How sure would you be that you wouldn't absentmindedly say "Dave and I..." or "my husb-". How relaxed would you feel getting to know people?

My best friend is a lesbian and has worked in places hostile to LGB folk on short term contracts several times without issue. I do really worry about the wisdom of it though and her safety.

She's not married to her partner though so not sure if that might make a big difference? Her partner has visited but just as a "friend".

@JessicaBrassica

If it's any help, I'm just back from rural Kenya working in healthcare. I travelled with a female colleague. On one occasion she was asked if I was her daughter or her partner. It wasn't a massive issue. No formal questions were asked at immigration either about sexuality, partner etc.

Thank you - that's encouraging. I hope your project went as well as possible

I wouldn’t want to live in any country that wouldn’t accept me as I am - so I can’t really understand why a gay woman would choose to do so. Would you not feel wrong having to pretend about your sexuality?

@Batfurger

Kinda hard to advise then, sister. You need to define your terms before asking people for advice.

Why on earth does she? This just comes across as deliberately trying to tone police the OP because you don't like the word she's used.

@Soontobe60

I wouldn’t want to live in any country that wouldn’t accept me as I am - so I can’t really understand why a gay woman would choose to do so. Would you not feel wrong having to pretend about your sexuality?

This sounds quite judgemental.

Can you really not understand why the OP might want to pursue a job opportunity (and one that sounds as if it's got a pretty big altruistic component)?

Also, you know, very very few countries are entirely accepting of homosexuality - you're looking at widely differing degrees of non-acceptance that go right down to totally unendurable violence, but it is nevertheless a luxury to be able to say 'oh I wouldn't live in any country that wouldn't accept me as I am'.