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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if she’s making this up?

185 replies

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 22:46

We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd, almost 4, in preparation for her new school in our new country.
She was very keen after the first visit, whatsapped extra phrases to learn and even offered to accept less pay per hour. She already charged a reasonable rate, seemed very good and was sweet with Dd, who really liked her.
She came back the next week, similar thing, very loving with Dd, they had lots of fun, she gave homework for the next week.
Sadly that weekend I got kidney stones and was quite ill, still not great by the time her day to come came and couldn’t do much more than lazy tv with Dd.
I contacted her explaining and apologising and that we’d see her next week.
She was due to come yesterday, we were all prepared, Dd very excited and she texted one hour before saying she’d been ill and was worse so couldn’t make it. I wished her to get well soon and said we were looking forward to seeing her next week, Dd was a bit sad.
Earlier tonight, she’s WhatsApped saying her school have asked her to start teaching 9-6 pm now, starting this Friday 🤷🏻‍♀️
She asked if she was able to do a Saturday if possible…this seems like an excuse to me and she possibly doesn’t want to continue the job…such a change when she was so enthusiastic, aibu to think it’s an excuse and to wonder what changed? Am I missing something?
Dd will be disappointed, was very excited about her lessons and it was her first proper introduction to a teacher.
Saturdays are more difficult for us due to kids parties/family times.
I had mentioned to her at the start, if Tuesdays went well, we might try to add some Saturdays in the future if she was available, Dh and I would go out, she was very keen and said she’d be able to do Saturdays too. I was hoping to continue with the Tuesdays for now

OP posts:
Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 22:48

To add, I didn’t accept the lower rate and said her rate was very good and if I could I’d put it up in the summer a little when I was working more, currently Sahm, will be working early summer onwards.

OP posts:
PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 30/03/2022 22:50

I think you're reading too much into it. It sounds like she's been put in an awkward situation and is doing best

JoeyJoeyson · 30/03/2022 22:50

It sounds like her hours at work have changed and she’s offering you an alternative to me.

If she didn’t want to carry on at all she wouldn’t have suggested giving up her Saturdays surely?

Theimpossiblegirl · 30/03/2022 22:51

If you really like her and think it's beneficial, do the Saturday. I don't really understand the issue.

Pyri · 30/03/2022 22:52

I really can’t see how this is an excuse given she has offered you another time? If she has additional hours offered at work it would be sensible for her to take that then move private classes to outside of her standard work tines

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 22:53

It just seems a bit of a coincidence 🤷🏻‍♀️She was very very sick yesterday, then today told me they’ve changed her hours to literally all day every day, starting this Friday.
Perhaps I am reading too much into it, just she’s always worked the same school hours for a few years she told me and had most days free

OP posts:
Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 22:55

I’m not sure if she’s offered the Saturday to sort of soften the blow as I’m not really able to do Saturdays until May onwards, that’s not a guarantee
I’m just wondering if she wasn’t keen for some reason it wasn’t happy I cancelled one…it all seemed to change after that

OP posts:
Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 22:56

@Pyri For sure if she’s been offered those hours, of course she should take them

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 30/03/2022 23:01

Really does it matter if she is making up or not? (Although from what you've said Indont see why you think she js) The situation for you remains the same, either accept the Saturdays or dont.

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 23:16

@Hellocatshome I just wonder if she really wants to do it or not and why it changed so abruptly…I had a vibe that she may have been pretending to be sick and then the next day the work have asked her to work every day, the full day..starting on Friday, so no chance of next Tuesday. Just all seems a bit abrupt

I texted her back saying it was a shame but I’m not too sure about Saturdays as we have parties for Dd at the moment and family things.
She’s seen but not replied.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 30/03/2022 23:35

You sound like hard work OP, things changed, it doesn’t work for you, move on. What are you trying to do here? Catch her in an “aha” situation and force her to work on the day you want. Sorry but that’s not going to happen.

Bouledeneige · 30/03/2022 23:35

I think you're overthinking it. You told her you might want to add Saturdays and now you don't. She hasn't done anything wrong. I suspect she was I'll just as you were and nice they've changed her work hours. Up to you but don't sulk.

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 23:40

@saltinesandcoffeecups Thanks!

Not at all, I just wonder if she really wants to do it.
It’s a shame as would like to continue with her but Saturdays isn’t really possible, just feel a bit let down tbh, Dd really liked her

OP posts:
Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 23:41

She just replied ‘I don’t know how we can do it’ as in how we organise it
Saturdays is really hard for us, but ideally don’t want to lose her

OP posts:
MuggleMadness · 30/03/2022 23:45

Why not see if she can do early Saturday, (not too many parties at 8/9/10am) or xyz times through the week?

DD likes her, she seemed good...

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 23:48

@MuggleMadness She has ballet. Dh said 6 pm but she goes to bed at 7 and that’s only an hour
Will have to see if maybe Saturday afternoon some Saturdays, if she was up for it changing sometimes, but that’s not ideal for her or us

OP posts:
Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 23:50

I just showed Dh the messages, he said she doesn’t want to work Saturdays and laughed and said she doesn’t want to tutor for whatever reason and said not to worry about it

OP posts:
Maves · 30/03/2022 23:54

Honestly you are being paranoid and over the top! What do you think she's punishing you cos you had a week off? Weird

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 31/03/2022 00:02

@Maves No not at all, just not sure if she actually wants to do it, was just curious what it seemed like to others

OP posts:
TweenTrauma · 31/03/2022 01:14

But…you’d actually previously said to her that maybe she could also come on Saturdays in the future…and now you’ve said a blanket no to Saturdays Confused. She must be a bit confused to say the least.

TheGrinchsDog · 31/03/2022 01:47

As a massive overthinker personally... Are you prone to overthinking stuff like this regularly?

Unless you cancelled the first time at short notice (the only reason I can think of that she would be funny with you at all), this just looks like what she's said.

She's been offered better paying more hours at her job and has taken it.

Chill out OP. If it was just meant to be a fun extra then treat it as such, no harm no foul right? Alternatively book some slots in advance on some Saturdays and keep those hours free from other social engagements.

Chilesstanton · 31/03/2022 03:21

Why is your illness ok but hers made up Confused

SofiaAmes · 31/03/2022 03:32

She's been to you twice and then you cancelled and then she cancelled and last minute got a better job and offered you an alternative (which seems pretty gracious considering that after 2 sessions there really isn't a committed relationship) and now you have created a whole conspiracy theory over it. As others have said...you are really overthinking this.

SofiaAmes · 31/03/2022 03:33

And could I just add....why on earth are you giving your poor 4 year old homework?

GettinPiggyWithIt · 31/03/2022 03:39

Op a full time teaching job is an absolute gift for most language teachers - why should she turn that down just to see you guys once a week? You have no reason to think this isn’t frue

You’re being kind of thoughtless here