To wonder if she’s making this up?

[Strawberriesonasummerevenin]

We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd, almost 4, in preparation for her new school in our new country.
She was very keen after the first visit, whatsapped extra phrases to learn and even offered to accept less pay per hour. She already charged a reasonable rate, seemed very good and was sweet with Dd, who really liked her.
She came back the next week, similar thing, very loving with Dd, they had lots of fun, she gave homework for the next week.
Sadly that weekend I got kidney stones and was quite ill, still not great by the time her day to come came and couldn’t do much more than lazy tv with Dd.
I contacted her explaining and apologising and that we’d see her next week.
She was due to come yesterday, we were all prepared, Dd very excited and she texted one hour before saying she’d been ill and was worse so couldn’t make it. I wished her to get well soon and said we were looking forward to seeing her next week, Dd was a bit sad.
Earlier tonight, she’s WhatsApped saying her school have asked her to start teaching 9-6 pm now, starting this Friday 🤷🏻‍♀️
She asked if she was able to do a Saturday if possible…this seems like an excuse to me and she possibly doesn’t want to continue the job…such a change when she was so enthusiastic, aibu to think it’s an excuse and to wonder what changed? Am I missing something?
Dd will be disappointed, was very excited about her lessons and it was her first proper introduction to a teacher.
Saturdays are more difficult for us due to kids parties/family times.
I had mentioned to her at the start, if Tuesdays went well, we might try to add some Saturdays in the future if she was available, Dh and I would go out, she was very keen and said she’d be able to do Saturdays too. I was hoping to continue with the Tuesdays for now

@Kuachui

who would choose to work saturdays over other days

Saturday is a normal working day in some places. #newsflash.

OP- please tell me you aren't having a 2 hour lesson (no matter how play oriented) with a 4 year old? A group of 4 year olds (which would be much more fun) would at most do 45-60 minutes in a reputable language school. Including breaks and a change of language activity every 5-10 minutes.

[quote Strawberriesonasummerevenin]@PlainJaneEyre Yes, I was worried about cancelling, but genuinely had to. I’ve also been cancelled a few times by families in tbe past and it is really annoying, the first time/one time hasn’t bothered me though as these things happened, this was with one family every few weeks and is it hard when you rely on that money. I would’ve paid her at the last lesson.[/quote]
Yes but did you TELL her that when you cancelled? That is important.

@Geamhradh I know. It’s to play and converse in the language, hence the babysitter/tutor title. She follows DD’s lead in whatever she wants to play with and gets words from the country we now live in, into the conversation, so little bits are picked up. It’s not formal, Dd loves it as she sees it as having another playmate and she likes learning a few new words.

@Geamhradh She can have breaks whenever she likes, snacks are left out, they go in the garden etc

I pay her weekly, each lesson she comes, would have paid her for the missed lesson when she came

Did you tell her that you would pay her for the missed lesson?
Perhaps she thought you were going to be a flaky customer.
I do a similar job and after just two weeks a cancelled lesson for the Mum being ill would be the first warning that the customer might be flaky - and most people don't see why they have to pay when they cancel just a short while before the lesson, so I have to tell them.
I would never assume that the client intended to pay the next time I saw them because the vast majority of them try to get out of it (despite my very clear terms and conditions).
So unless you said "I'm sorry I'm ill and have to cancel but we'll see you next week and you'll receive payment for the missed lesson too of course" then she might have thought you were going to be unreliable.

But it does sound like her working arrangements have changed, or perhaps she wants to take on other clients on a Tuesday instead who might be more reliable (not saying that you weren't going to be, but she might have got that impression due to the cancellation).

If the Saturdays don't work for you then just tell her that and say you will look for someone else.

These things sometimes just don't work out even though the first couple of lessons might go really well. In my experience (13 years of this kind of work), this working relationship looks like it isn't going to work out and you should find someone else who meets your needs better. My guess that the Saturdays wouldn't end up being very regular - you'll have things on and need to cancel and she'll be tired after all those long hours working and will also want her free time on Saturdays.

Saturdays were your idea. If you want to keep her coming book her in according to when she has availability and around your existing ballet activity. Ask her when she could come according to what times you have free.
Pay for cancellations, as much notice as possible. Her reasons for cancelling aren't really any of your business to believe or not, stop thinking about that. She hasn't ended the arrangement, instead she is offering an alternative bcausese now has a full time job. She could've just quit completely if she doesn't want to continue. Find someone else if your 4 Yr old DD is genuinely too busy year round attending parties. Saturdays are a totally normal day for extra teaching/tutoring/lessons and activities.

I’ve texted her to ask if we could arrange somehow, would Saturdays be good for her, no reply.

What?! Now you’ve asked for Saturdays again?! If she’s any sense she’d run a mile at this chopping and changing

@SpaceFarce Noooo now I’ve replied properly to her first message, I said at first last night that it could be tricky on Saturdays and would have to think

Gosh you sound like way too much work. You were the one who asked for Saturdays originally, then when she offered you said no, not now, too difficult with other things, now you are asking for Saturdays to work somehow?! She doesn't know whether she is coming or going or what you want! Presumably English is also her second language and I suspect cultural differences are coming into play here too.

I also do private tutoring. And honestly, sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't.

Apart from what she's said about her hours changing (which may or may not be true), there could be a whole host of reasons as to why she's got cold feet.

• The travel to yours is longer/further/more complicated that she'd originally thought.
• Too much babysitting, and not enough teaching. Personally, as a professional tutor, I'd drop and run if I got any whiff of babysitting. I'm there to teach.
• She hasn't gelled as well with you/DD as much as she thought she would.
• She's been offered a sweeter gig from someone else.

I wouldn't give it a seconds thought personally. I've dropped clients, and they've dropped me (with obviously bullshit excuses), but there's always someone else who wants the job/wants a tutor.

Have you actually told her you will pay her for the missed lesson when you were ill, does she know? instead of relying on paying her next time and assuming, it would've been polite to say this specifically as you cancelled that day, as part of rearranging for next time.

Also, speaking as a tutor, a parent cancelling the third lesson is a big red flag for future flakiness. Fair enough, you were ill, with something entirely non-contagious, but why did that have to stop your daughter receiving her lesson? But of course, YOU were thinking "I'm not paying for babysitting if I'm staying in anyway!"
This tutor of yours isn't stupid. She'll see the red flag as well. But she offered Saturdays instead, and now you're yes, no, yes, no, maybe!

@zingally I said the reasons why. I was too ill to get dressed/stop being sick, sort Dd out, the things and the house.

@zingally I’ve also done tutoring, one cancelled lesson wouldn’t bother me, these things happen, people get sick. I worked for people who cancelled every few weeks, that was annoying and felt disrespectful.
I’m honestly getting the feeling confirmed now that she was pissed off I cancelled once, so was ill and now has to work full time.
I’ll find someone else, too much hassle

How much notice did you give when cancelling the 3rd lesson? You do sound a bit like hard work and a massive over thinker! If Saturdays don't work and you want Tuesdays just look for a new tutor

How could we possibly know her motivations, OP?

What a strange post.

If you can make Saturdays work, great. It not, you'll have to find someone else.

What am I missing here?!!

I’m honestly getting the feeling confirmed now that she was pissed off I cancelled once, so was ill and now has to work full time

Did you, or did you not, tell her when you cancelled that you would pay for the missed lesson?
I know you told us you "would have" paid it the next time but if you did not say to her that you would pay for it then you probably assumed you wouldn't and were going to be yet another one of these clients who book a weekly slot, cancel very often and then cause the tutor to lose income because she can't "sell" the slot to others.

She’s now texted ‘Ok ok’
‘Yes I can’ 🙈😅

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. She's asked to change the day not given up on you?

Op: Tuesdays and later I might look at Saturdays if I get a job
Tutor: great. Let’s start with Tuesday
After a great lesson…
Tutor: I now have a full time job and can’t do weekdays, but I can do Saturday
Op: that sounds tricky, let me think. (Tutor: wtf she said Saturdays would work before)
Op: can you do Saturday ? (Tutor: wtf what part of I can do Saturday did you not understand? Yes, I can do Saturday, just like I said)
Honestly I’d say the exact opposite of what you think.
You think she’s not keen- she’d have to be keen to have said yes after that!! You said you think you should run as she’s too flaky, I think that’s what she should be thinking!

She's relented OP, I can guarantee this new arrangement will last probably all of one week then she'll stop coming again. You need to let this young woman go.

@CaMePlaitPas Why do you think that?

@zingally

Also, speaking as a tutor, a parent cancelling the third lesson is a big red flag for future flakiness. Fair enough, you were ill, with something entirely non-contagious, but why did that have to stop your daughter receiving her lesson? But of course, YOU were thinking "I'm not paying for babysitting if I'm staying in anyway!" This tutor of yours isn't stupid. She'll see the red flag as well. But she offered Saturdays instead, and now you're yes, no, yes, no, maybe!

Because her daughter is only four and this woman is not a babysitter?

Why do women have to justify their being ill to other women here on mumsnet? It’s shocking to me!