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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if she’s making this up?

185 replies

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 22:46

We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd, almost 4, in preparation for her new school in our new country.
She was very keen after the first visit, whatsapped extra phrases to learn and even offered to accept less pay per hour. She already charged a reasonable rate, seemed very good and was sweet with Dd, who really liked her.
She came back the next week, similar thing, very loving with Dd, they had lots of fun, she gave homework for the next week.
Sadly that weekend I got kidney stones and was quite ill, still not great by the time her day to come came and couldn’t do much more than lazy tv with Dd.
I contacted her explaining and apologising and that we’d see her next week.
She was due to come yesterday, we were all prepared, Dd very excited and she texted one hour before saying she’d been ill and was worse so couldn’t make it. I wished her to get well soon and said we were looking forward to seeing her next week, Dd was a bit sad.
Earlier tonight, she’s WhatsApped saying her school have asked her to start teaching 9-6 pm now, starting this Friday 🤷🏻‍♀️
She asked if she was able to do a Saturday if possible…this seems like an excuse to me and she possibly doesn’t want to continue the job…such a change when she was so enthusiastic, aibu to think it’s an excuse and to wonder what changed? Am I missing something?
Dd will be disappointed, was very excited about her lessons and it was her first proper introduction to a teacher.
Saturdays are more difficult for us due to kids parties/family times.
I had mentioned to her at the start, if Tuesdays went well, we might try to add some Saturdays in the future if she was available, Dh and I would go out, she was very keen and said she’d be able to do Saturdays too. I was hoping to continue with the Tuesdays for now

OP posts:
RustyShackleford3 · 31/03/2022 04:04

Although it's not always the case, you often find that people doing tutoring are quite transient. It comes with the territory. It's not personal.

Besides, I don't really get why you think she's making an excuse? Her work hours have changed and she's asking if you can do Saturday's instead. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If she didn't want to tutor for you at all anymore then I'm sure she'd tell you she was no longer available rather than pissing about trying to rearrange her days in the hope that you might not be free on the day she's suggested.

Jazzy1000 · 31/03/2022 05:02

Of course she needs to take a guaranteed day's work over a single class with your dd. How would she survive financially otherwise.
You mentioned you might increase it to include a Saturday which I imagine is why she suggested Saturday. She wouldn't have suggested that if she wasn't interested in continuing. Up to you whether to take her up on it but it all sounds very reasonable

timeisnotaline · 31/03/2022 05:15

So you booked her for Tuesdays and said when I’m earning a little money we might add Saturdays.
I wonder how she could have possibly thought dd might potentially be available Saturdays Hmm
I mean, really. You said saturday classes are suitable and think her offering Saturdays definitely means she doesn’t want to do it. That sounds like pure paranoia.

Aprilx · 31/03/2022 05:35

[quote Strawberriesonasummerevenin]@Maves No not at all, just not sure if she actually wants to do it, was just curious what it seemed like to others[/quote]
It seems like she offered Saturdays as you said you might be able to do Saturdays. You can find out if she meant it or not by saying yes and seeing if she turns up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/03/2022 05:55

You want Tuesdays. She can no longer do Tuesdays and has offered Saturdays.

Why didn’t you take this as face value? I really don’t get all the speculation.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 31/03/2022 06:01

I think you are reading too much into it. If she didn't want to continue the lessons you then she wouldn't have offered a Saturday.

And I think YABU to turn down a regular Saturday lesson using the reason of "kids parties". I mean how many friends does your LO have? Pretty sure it's not 52 😳 just do an early lesson.

HELLITHURT · 31/03/2022 06:11

Do you cancelled her because you were sick, did you pay her? Now let me think 🤔 if you didn't pay her, why would she want to take guaranteed work instead? Abs so yours as an extra on Saturday? 🤔

PAFMO · 31/03/2022 06:18

The tutor does the odd private lesson on the side which has to fit in with her job. Don't see the problem.

Rather nonplussed at her being willing to accept less money though. Did she actually say "goodness, you're paying me far too much, I'll take less" Or was she asked?

boireannach · 31/03/2022 06:23

@Strawberriesonasummerevenin
“We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd,”

Seems a bit odd to call her a language tutor and a babysitter ?

FawnFrenchieMum · 31/03/2022 06:29

@HELLITHURT

Do you cancelled her because you were sick, did you pay her? Now let me think 🤔 if you didn't pay her, why would she want to take guaranteed work instead? Abs so yours as an extra on Saturday? 🤔
I was wondering this too!
tulippa · 31/03/2022 06:30

work have asked her to work every day, the full day.

This is completely normal for teachers.

Tbh, at four, your DD is better off doing ballet (if she enjoys it) and going to parties rather than doing extra tutoring. She'll pick up the language anyway.

ticktockriojaoclock · 31/03/2022 06:40

She's being very accommodating offering you Saturdays, from her perspective you must seem a bit flakey and as if you are making excuses. Perhaps you are projecting somewhat.
Just hire an ad-hoc baby sitter if you need one, at 4 the advantages of private tutoring will be minimal.

Geamhradh · 31/03/2022 06:46

[quote boireannach]@Strawberriesonasummerevenin
“We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd,”

Seems a bit odd to call her a language tutor and a babysitter ?[/quote]
You'd be surprised at the number of parents who think getting some poor EFL sod round their house to play with Barbie and keep an eye on the 4 year old while mum cleans the kitchen is going to make said 4 year old fluent.

Been there, done that. My youngest was 2. Hmm I quickly decided the 10 euros could be sacrificed for my own sanity.

RussianSpy101 · 31/03/2022 06:54

Tbh you sound very overly invested to somebody you've only met once. Peoples circumstances change. Find someone else if the day you suggested to her (Saturday) no longer works.

Blea · 31/03/2022 06:57

Be respectful to your child's tutors.

not sure if she actually wants to do it,
How does this matter? It's a job to her, she'll do it if it's convenient for her or not of not.

I contacted her explaining and apologising and that we’d see her next week.
Did you pay her fo this session?

iloveyellow · 31/03/2022 07:00

@HELLITHURT

Do you cancelled her because you were sick, did you pay her? Now let me think 🤔 if you didn't pay her, why would she want to take guaranteed work instead? Abs so yours as an extra on Saturday? 🤔
I came to say this. If she hadn't been paid already by week 3 (what ever the reason - it is still lost income through no fault of her own) she may prioritise families who will pay her weekly as will need the income.
icelollycraving · 31/03/2022 07:01

I suspect you didn’t pay her when you were unwell. She may or may not have been offered contracted work. You said you could look at Saturdays, when she’s offered them, that doesn’t work for you. She may be thinking you’re flaky after two sessions and not bother with you.
As others have said, you’re totally overthinking this.

mnnewbie111 · 31/03/2022 07:08

This is weird

Herejustforthisone · 31/03/2022 07:14

How many parties can your daughter have on Saturdays?

NdefH81 · 31/03/2022 07:17

Odd thread

balalake · 31/03/2022 07:22

Assuming 9 to 6 is normal in the country you live in, seems perfectly plausible.

We are used to liars in the UK, starting with the Prime Minister, hope this has not clouded your judgment of those where you live.

ThinWomansBrain · 31/03/2022 07:25

If you want to read more nuance into the situation, you'd probably be better off having a conversation than texting.

Zonder · 31/03/2022 07:26

It sounds like she's been offered more hours at her school, will now be full time and doesn't really need the slot with your family but was willing to try a Saturday just to be nice. If it doesn't work for you then you will have to find something different. It does sound like you're making a big thing out of this.
If it doesn't work with this woman never mind. There are other babysitters / language tutors out there.

sauvignonblancplz · 31/03/2022 07:27

This is so weird

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 31/03/2022 07:29

I wouldn't believe her either. I've never heard of a teaching job that pays for a 40 hour week.

She is mugging you off OP. She doesn't want to work for you anymore. Don't angst about it. Just look for another tutor.