To wonder if she’s making this up?

[Strawberriesonasummerevenin]

We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd, almost 4, in preparation for her new school in our new country.
She was very keen after the first visit, whatsapped extra phrases to learn and even offered to accept less pay per hour. She already charged a reasonable rate, seemed very good and was sweet with Dd, who really liked her.
She came back the next week, similar thing, very loving with Dd, they had lots of fun, she gave homework for the next week.
Sadly that weekend I got kidney stones and was quite ill, still not great by the time her day to come came and couldn’t do much more than lazy tv with Dd.
I contacted her explaining and apologising and that we’d see her next week.
She was due to come yesterday, we were all prepared, Dd very excited and she texted one hour before saying she’d been ill and was worse so couldn’t make it. I wished her to get well soon and said we were looking forward to seeing her next week, Dd was a bit sad.
Earlier tonight, she’s WhatsApped saying her school have asked her to start teaching 9-6 pm now, starting this Friday 🤷🏻‍♀️
She asked if she was able to do a Saturday if possible…this seems like an excuse to me and she possibly doesn’t want to continue the job…such a change when she was so enthusiastic, aibu to think it’s an excuse and to wonder what changed? Am I missing something?
Dd will be disappointed, was very excited about her lessons and it was her first proper introduction to a teacher.
Saturdays are more difficult for us due to kids parties/family times.
I had mentioned to her at the start, if Tuesdays went well, we might try to add some Saturdays in the future if she was available, Dh and I would go out, she was very keen and said she’d be able to do Saturdays too. I was hoping to continue with the Tuesdays for now

[quote Strawberriesonasummerevenin]@saltinesandcoffeecups Thanks!

Not at all, I just wonder if she really wants to do it.
It’s a shame as would like to continue with her but Saturdays isn’t really possible, just feel a bit let down tbh, Dd really liked her[/quote]
She hasn’t let you down. She’s been offered full time hours and has suggested an alternative. Not her fault if it doesn’t work for you.

There are very few people who can afford to turn down full-time work because someone’s daughter ‘really liked her’. As for you picking up a ‘vibe’ that she was pretending to be ill, maybe SHE’S picked up a vibe that you’re going to be a nightmare to work for, over-analysing every little thing to death.

Slightly off topic but does the tutor not expect you to be there while your child is being taught.

You will meet a lot of tutors, ballet teachers, sports coaches, school teachers and similar in the course of bringing up your dd. Some will be great, some will leave you in the lurch. Sometimes, you will be the one being flaky (forgetting appointments due to illness of any family members/ accidents or anything else really). Just let this go, for whatever reason, she wasn't a good fit. For the future though, if you find someone that is really great, you might need to be a little more flexible.

You said about doing Saturdays, now she’s offering because that is what fits her life you suddenly can’t.
Does your dd have parties all day every single Saturday? She’s a popular girl!

I used to live in a foreign country and do this sort of casual private language teaching, as did most of my friends.

I honestly can't see a single thing that's "off" about her actions. It's just the nature of that sort of casual arrangement that you both accepted when you agreed to it. She would have to be extremely, pathologically neurotic to get annoyed at you for being ill once (again, that's the nature of that sort of job, which she knew full well and presumably accepted, and will probably be more than used to) and I can't see any logical reason for her to go from being friendly and enthusiastic to suddenly thinking of excuses to bin you off, so the simplest explanation is probably the right one here: that she is quite simply telling the truth.

Yes, it's a shame, but she's not exactly going to turn down full time work for a couple of hours a week is she ,so either you work hard to make Saturdays work or you find someone else.

I would just drop this OP. She is no longer available.

@Everydaydayisaschoolday

I wouldn't believe her either. I've never heard of a teaching job that pays for a 40 hour week.

She is mugging you off OP. She doesn't want to work for you anymore. Don't angst about it. Just look for another tutor.

In Spain, the primary school day runs from 9am to 5pm. Add in meetings and marking and whatever and you've easily got your 6pm finish time.

Thanks all, to answer a few questions…the tutor didn’t give formal homework, she asks us to practise using the four/five words she’s learnt that week, just in conversation as a recap, I think this is fine at 4

Tutor/babysitter…I wrote it as this as she’s not doing formal teaching, as in sitting down, doing writing etc, it’s all through play and isn’t too heavy, so I’m fine with part of it being not focused on the language as much and just playing.

I stay during the lessons, but sit upstairs to give her a bit of space to do what she’s doing.

I pay her weekly, each lesson she comes, would have paid her for the missed lesson when she came.

I also found her offering less money quite odd…was only the equivalent of 50p per hour less, I think she was trying to make a good impression and make sure I wanted to continue with lessons (this was after the first lesson) she was so keen! I’d told her how great it would be and would not be paying less and would actually hope to pay more on the future as I thought she was great.

She couldn’t really come when I was ill, as I was being sick, the house wasn’t tidied etc and I hadn’t prepared DD’s things, I just felt to ill to accept someone into the house that day.

To those saying op won’t come back, it’s morning and I just got up an hour ago 😅🤷🏻‍♀️

I told her how great the lesson had been and how I wanted to pay her more In the future

*Too ill

@Everydaydayisaschoolday

I wouldn't believe her either. I've never heard of a teaching job that pays for a 40 hour week.

She is mugging you off OP. She doesn't want to work for you anymore. Don't angst about it. Just look for another tutor.

Then you've never worked abroad in TEFL.

I wouldn't believe her either. I've never heard of a teaching job that pays for a 40 hour week.

Aw, bless.

YABU for hiring a teacher for a pre-schooler!
Move on......

Even in the event 'she is making it up', she is allowed to. We all 'juggle' our lives and have to change things with sometimes giving 'diplomatic' reasons for things rather than the stark truth. It oils the wheels of life does this sort of thing.

If you now don't trust her, terminate her and find someone else. Speculating about her character is a fruitless exercise surely?

@emmathedilemma Is it really being unreasonable to hire someone fun to help introduce dd to elements of the new language in a new country, so when she starts school she isn’t completely lost? 🤷🏻‍♀️
I felt I was doing the right thing, to give a little start for her so she feels more comfortable

I really don't see why it matters if she's 'making it up' or not. She either can't or doesn't want to tutor during the times that you want her to be available. That's it. What difference does the reason make to you? Stop obsessing over it and move on.

I wouldn't worry - at 4 your DD will pick up the language very quickly once she starts school and will be fluent in no time.

Also to say when I messaged her fo say o was ill and apologise, in her reply she wrote ‘Really?’ Then said she hoped I’d get better and she see me next week (I’d written I’d see her next week)
I wondered if maybe was a language thing, but I’ve not had anyone ask ‘Really?’ When I’ve said I’m ill 😅

@AmyDudley You’re right, I just wanted that little extra to not make her feel completely lost with all the new language around her

I don’t understand why you told her you can’t do Saturdays.

Did you read the post by FarmGirl78?

Just let it go. I would. It’s not a big deal, people’s circumstances change. People lie.

Why not just say yes to Saturdays and see if she pulls out? That way you'll know whether or not she wants to continue. Surely you can sacrifice an hour on a Saturday either early morning or late afternoon when parties aren't as common.

You seem really intense OP. I take it was a casual arrangement and no contracts signed? I would take her at face value that she has secured better hours, she isn't going to give that up because she has worked an hour for you for 2 weeks.

Yes @FarmGirl78 could be right if she feels like that from her side, but I don’t know, she doesn’t seem massively keen and no apology etc.
It’s for two hours every week so Saturday is a bit harder.
I had mentioned maybe adding some Saturdays also, but that was in the future and wasn’t 100%
I’ll see if we can do some Saturdays and see what she thinks, but without it being regular I can imagine it might not suit her, which I totally get

Not sure why you are surprised a full time opportunity could start quickly or involve working full days?

I would take it at face value and decide do you want her enough to make Saturdays work or would you rather look for someone else? No wrong answer just what works for you.