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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if she’s making this up?

185 replies

Strawberriesonasummerevenin · 30/03/2022 22:46

We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd, almost 4, in preparation for her new school in our new country.
She was very keen after the first visit, whatsapped extra phrases to learn and even offered to accept less pay per hour. She already charged a reasonable rate, seemed very good and was sweet with Dd, who really liked her.
She came back the next week, similar thing, very loving with Dd, they had lots of fun, she gave homework for the next week.
Sadly that weekend I got kidney stones and was quite ill, still not great by the time her day to come came and couldn’t do much more than lazy tv with Dd.
I contacted her explaining and apologising and that we’d see her next week.
She was due to come yesterday, we were all prepared, Dd very excited and she texted one hour before saying she’d been ill and was worse so couldn’t make it. I wished her to get well soon and said we were looking forward to seeing her next week, Dd was a bit sad.
Earlier tonight, she’s WhatsApped saying her school have asked her to start teaching 9-6 pm now, starting this Friday 🤷🏻‍♀️
She asked if she was able to do a Saturday if possible…this seems like an excuse to me and she possibly doesn’t want to continue the job…such a change when she was so enthusiastic, aibu to think it’s an excuse and to wonder what changed? Am I missing something?
Dd will be disappointed, was very excited about her lessons and it was her first proper introduction to a teacher.
Saturdays are more difficult for us due to kids parties/family times.
I had mentioned to her at the start, if Tuesdays went well, we might try to add some Saturdays in the future if she was available, Dh and I would go out, she was very keen and said she’d be able to do Saturdays too. I was hoping to continue with the Tuesdays for now

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 31/03/2022 07:32

Yes she may well not have been ill, but she prioritised her main work understandably.

She can now only do early evening or weekends. That doesn't suit you, you either compromise or find someone else. You've said yourself you would expect her to prioritise her main work.

Zonder · 31/03/2022 07:32

@Everydaydayisaschoolday have you lived abroad? I have and some schools will have the same staff doing after school care too because the pay isn't very high in early years in some places.

NdefH81 · 31/03/2022 07:32

This poor woman
The tutor that is

SpaceFarce · 31/03/2022 07:43

This is such a bizarre overreaction

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 31/03/2022 07:47

You seem quite mean. She’s offered you Saturdays and your DH is laughing that she doesn’t want to work Saturdays?

Find someone else, you are obviously determined to not pick whatever she does.

MissNothing1991 · 31/03/2022 07:52

So, her circumstances have changed. She's offered an alternative that you previously mentioned you might want, and now you're giving off because you expect her to change her circumstances to suit you? Due to you prioritising kids parties over your daughters language skills? God you sound a right ass. I'm surprised she wants to work for you at all

RantyAunty · 31/03/2022 07:57

Did you pay her?

I'm sensing you feel superior and like she owes you something.

MuggleMadness · 31/03/2022 07:58

@SofiaAmes

And could I just add....why on earth are you giving your poor 4 year old homework?
It's a little bit if language to help her when she starts school, the DD likes the woman, so it's clearly not a problem. It's hardly the entire works of Shakespeare
Cookiecrumble22 · 31/03/2022 07:59

If it was an excuse she would have said she can no longer do it due to change of work hours. If it was an excuse she would not have offered the Saturday. You had spoken about possibly adding the Saturday which was possibly why she offered it and fitted with her time better. You also gave a bit of a mixed message as you said that Saturday is for your family/party's etc. But then said you might add some Saturdays. Of course family time is important but I don't think it can over ride what works for her

Lalliella · 31/03/2022 08:02

Gosh you’re very suspicious. You have absolutely no cause to think she’s making this up.

MuggleMadness · 31/03/2022 08:02

@Everydaydayisaschoolday

I wouldn't believe her either. I've never heard of a teaching job that pays for a 40 hour week.

She is mugging you off OP. She doesn't want to work for you anymore. Don't angst about it. Just look for another tutor.

How many countries have you lived in?
MRex · 31/03/2022 08:09

You and your DH sound a bit odd really. Paying a couple of hours per week does not mean that you own someone, they have the right to get other work. If you liked this lady then swap your ballet lesson time to Tuesday or whatever, if your not bothered then get someone else. Either get a babysitter or a tutor, whichever is more important, they are not the same role. Stop over-thinking basic communications from others, just take the message at face value and work out what you want. Please pay her for the day you cancelled though, it's really not fair to cancel at short notice without paying.

MRex · 31/03/2022 08:10

*you're

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 31/03/2022 08:16

@PAFMO

The tutor does the odd private lesson on the side which has to fit in with her job. Don't see the problem.

Rather nonplussed at her being willing to accept less money though. Did she actually say "goodness, you're paying me far too much, I'll take less" Or was she asked?

Yeah, I'm very surprised about the willing to accept less money and that would have raised flags immediately, unless OP was umming and ahhing about the cost.

Think about it... You go for a job interview, it's going well, the interviewer says "This post pays £30k per year" - who in their right mind, with no nefarious intentions, would say "Hey, I'll take £25!"

Unless it was part of a salary negotiation, I'd suspect something dodgy. Crappy references. A criminal conviction which would show on a CRB check. Hoping to case OP's joint for burglary. It could be anything. But every time someone has either offered me more than my stated work rate, or offered to reduce theirs, there has been some sort of ulterior motive. Even if it's just "Pay me cash so I don't have to declare tax."

SucculentChalice · 31/03/2022 08:27

Obviously someone is going to priorities full time work over a couple of hours per week, which one out of three times has already been cancelled by you. Why wouldn't she? She's not your slave.

Velveteenchair · 31/03/2022 08:28

Is OP going to come back?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/03/2022 08:28

[quote Strawberriesonasummerevenin]@Maves No not at all, just not sure if she actually wants to do it, was just curious what it seemed like to others[/quote]
You’re massively overthinking this. Her circumstances have changed; she has offered you an alternative. If she didn’t want to work for you she can just tell you. Why do you think you are so important that there is all this cloak and dagger stuff going on? Get over yourself. If you’re not happy with her service then find someone else.

Trixiefirecracker · 31/03/2022 08:32

@Velveteenchair no.

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/03/2022 08:36

@SofiaAmes

And could I just add....why on earth are you giving your poor 4 year old homework?
Absolutely.

Also there is no reason to assume she is making anything up. On the off chance she doesn't want to do it any more then accept this - and give your poor 4 year old a break!

FarmGirl78 · 31/03/2022 08:37

"Hi all. Posting here for traffic.

I work PT as a language tutor at a local college, and I also do a bit of work in spare time with local ex-pat families. I've recently been employed working a couple of sessions with a lovely 4 year old girl who's family want to give her a great start before she starts at school here.

The first couple of sessions went really well, or at least I thought they did! Little girl is lovely, enthusiastic and pleased to see me and we work well together. I can already see her learning little bits, and her mother seems really pleased with how it's going so far.

Then I suddenly got a message from mother cancelling our 3rd session saying she wasn't well. Whatever she had seems to be going round our town, and I had to cancel our rescheduled session as I caught whatever it was and was ill too. No-one's fault, these things happen! However since then work have increased my hours with virtually no notice. I wanted more hours at work, so this is good, but they've put me up to full time, which is a little more than I wanted. This is my full time 'career' job so I can't really refuse or give it up.....I need the money too much, but it will mean I can no longer see my lovely little expat British girl on Tuesdays. I really want to carry this on, it's refreshingly different from my usual job, and I've really enjoyed working with the little girl. Her Mother mentioned they were looking to increase to Saturdays in addition so offered this as an alternative.

The mother has now come back to me saying no thank you and made excuses that the 4 year old has too many parties on Saturday mornings. What? No 4 year old has weekly parties to attend to!! Saturdays were perfectly ok until I got sick and cancelled. They obviously want their Daughter settled into the language before she starts school so obviously this is just a bad excuse to get rid of me. I have no idea what I've done wrong!! I got sick and had to cancel one lesson, but her Mother had been sick just previously so they must understand? I offered alternative lessons on a day that suited them and suddenly that won't work?

I've just done all I can to work around the problem and really thought it was going well. Their little girl was always really excited when I arrived, and she'd been using some of the things I'd taught her. Its just a bit too much of coincidence isn't it? I get extra work so change to a day they wanted, and suddenly their 4 year old has a massive Saturday social life that wasn't a problem beforehand? Very suss if you ask me. I'm really disappointed I won't get to carry on, but they obviously didn't like me and didn't think I was going a good job if they're going to make up this story about all these parties. My Mum has seen the original messages saying Saturdays might be wanted in future, and she agreed they're obviously lying and they must think I'm a bad teacher. I just don't understand."

@Everydaydayisaschoolday , come on, for your DD's sake stop thinking the worst, tell her you'll do Saturdays and let your Daughter continue with something she clearly loved.

worriedatthistime · 31/03/2022 08:38

If she didn't want to do it she wouldn't of said she could fo saturdays ,maybe her hrs have changed or maybe she was finding it to much on top of a full work day

worriedatthistime · 31/03/2022 08:41

Yes also why could she not come when you were ill she wAs doing something with your dd not you and why was your illness real and hers not

CaMePlaitPas · 31/03/2022 08:49

Let it go, 9-6 for a language teacher is excellent and she obviously wants to do this rather than sporadic tutoring hours. Nothing to do with you or your family.

Pluvia · 31/03/2022 09:09

It didn't work out. Move on and find someone steadier.

Lots of people initially jump at the chance to do a job and make some money. Then when they reflect what it's really going to cost them in terms of effort and input (and on a Friday night, when maybe she's realised she'd prefer to be out and about with friends) they lose interest. She's offered to do Saturdays because she knows you can't do them. It's her way out of the situation.

Don't bother worrying about it. She's flaky and you need someone reliable. It's a win for you both.

yellowsuninthesky · 31/03/2022 09:12

OP if you were that bothered about your dd learning the local language you'd move the ballet classes.

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