To wonder if she’s making this up?

[Strawberriesonasummerevenin]

We live abroad, we hired a private tutor a few weeks ago to do some fun language teaching/babysitting with Dd, almost 4, in preparation for her new school in our new country.
She was very keen after the first visit, whatsapped extra phrases to learn and even offered to accept less pay per hour. She already charged a reasonable rate, seemed very good and was sweet with Dd, who really liked her.
She came back the next week, similar thing, very loving with Dd, they had lots of fun, she gave homework for the next week.
Sadly that weekend I got kidney stones and was quite ill, still not great by the time her day to come came and couldn’t do much more than lazy tv with Dd.
I contacted her explaining and apologising and that we’d see her next week.
She was due to come yesterday, we were all prepared, Dd very excited and she texted one hour before saying she’d been ill and was worse so couldn’t make it. I wished her to get well soon and said we were looking forward to seeing her next week, Dd was a bit sad.
Earlier tonight, she’s WhatsApped saying her school have asked her to start teaching 9-6 pm now, starting this Friday 🤷🏻‍♀️
She asked if she was able to do a Saturday if possible…this seems like an excuse to me and she possibly doesn’t want to continue the job…such a change when she was so enthusiastic, aibu to think it’s an excuse and to wonder what changed? Am I missing something?
Dd will be disappointed, was very excited about her lessons and it was her first proper introduction to a teacher.
Saturdays are more difficult for us due to kids parties/family times.
I had mentioned to her at the start, if Tuesdays went well, we might try to add some Saturdays in the future if she was available, Dh and I would go out, she was very keen and said she’d be able to do Saturdays too. I was hoping to continue with the Tuesdays for now

I can't see what real difference it makes? It was only a casual arrangement, so she wasn't obliged to come. Maybe she's found something nearer, more convenient or with less preparation required. Maybe her hours have changed. In either case, she's not doing it to be nasty to you.

I've done this kind of job before, with little children, just to get them used to hearing the other language, mainly. I don't think it makes a huge difference: when they are immersed in the other language, they still won't understand it at first. But it gives them an idea of what another language is, for example, if they haven't come across the concept yet. And if it's fun and relaxed, then the first impression is positive, so they don't only associate the new language with weird strangers coming up to them and making funny noises they don't understand in a weird new environment.

Just find someone else.
Sounds like she has found a full time job. She can't live on one day a week wages.
Just wish her all the best.

@rurallibralady87 Two hours, I’m not intense and no contracts signed (don’t tend to do that where I am for these types of jobs, I wouldn’t have been adverse to it if she wanted to) just hard when Dd liked her and we’d set it all up

[quote Strawberriesonasummerevenin]@rurallibralady87 Two hours, I’m not intense and no contracts signed (don’t tend to do that where I am for these types of jobs, I wouldn’t have been adverse to it if she wanted to) just hard when Dd liked her and we’d set it all up[/quote]
Ok so 2 hours 🙄 she isn't going to pass 9-6 guaranteed hours for your 2 hours.

@ravenmum Yes, those are the reasons I wanted to start, just a nice, gentle, positive introduction to things.

in her reply she wrote ‘Really?’ Then said she hoped I’d get better and she see me next week (I’d written I’d see her next week) I wondered if maybe was a language thing, but I’ve not had anyone ask ‘Really?’ When I’ve said I’m ill

Is she a native English speaker who grew up in Britain? Because if not I would definitely but this down to the meaning getting lost in translation. She probably doesn't realise that in English that particularly word is often said in a sceptical tone. Perhaps in her own language it's just a way of acknowledging what you've just said, similar to "OK," or "ah, right." Why assume the worst of someone who has otherwise shown themselves to be friendly, kind and enthusiastic?

Also you definitely were doing the right thing for your daughter, becoming accustomed to a new language through chat and play is great for any child that age, let alone one who is starting school in the new language soon (although whichever PP who said it is right, she'll pick it up in no time anyway as soon as she starts school, but these sessions will still help her feel more comfortable those first couple of weeks).

@Strawberriesonasummerevenin

Also to say when I messaged her fo say o was ill and apologise, in her reply she wrote ‘Really?’ Then said she hoped I’d get better and she see me next week (I’d written I’d see her next week) I wondered if maybe was a language thing, but I’ve not had anyone ask ‘Really?’ When I’ve said I’m ill 😅

People with abandonment fears sometimes behave the way you are describing. Her offering less and being so keen, then expressing doubt about you being sick makes it sound like she’s quite unsure of herself.

I would just tell her that you cannot swing Saturdays but that you really enjoyed the lessons with her and so did DD. That if anything changes with her weekday schedule to please let you know. Say something like “we will really miss you!”

@KarenOLantern Yes, that was my thinking too. I’m a teacher myself, so can see the benefits of it for her.

Your dd is three. If you want her to learn some of the new language then research for yourself the “ three or four new words a week” and teach them. However it won’t do her any good because learning words at that slow isolated rate is not how children learn language, they learn it by hearing it around them in context and absorbing the vocabulary, grammar, intonation and accent! But hey, if it makes you feel better.

If you really want her to “learn” the language then find a playgroup or similar, make friends with other mums who are native speakers , put on childrens tv in the language, learn some songs in the language, read her stories in the language, all of which will start to tune her into the language.

Or wait until she starts school when she will learn it very quickly, in the meantime make sure that her exposure to English is as rich and varied as possible in vocabulary and grammar because research shows that children who have a strong first language learn second and third languages faster.

@ravenmum I didn’t really see it as a casual arrangement, it was a set lesson at a set time each week. When I’ve taught I see it as a lesson and bit just a casual thing.

If her native language is Spanish, 'Really?' is an expression of sympathy.

*Not just a casual thing

Sounded like it was without a contract? That would be my main definition of casual.

@viques Yes, I know how they learn language, she does all of the above, but I wanted an extra one on one with her.
We do do the words ourselves and read books to her in the language etc, but meeting a nice teacher and having that extra one on one, I thought would be beneficial to her,

@ravenmum It’s different to the U.K., barely anyone has a contract, especially so for this type of work. I’ve always received cash in hand, I still didn’t class it as a casual arrangement, it was a job and I treated it as such.

@CatherinedeBourgh Yes, not Spanish

i dont know why youre worried about whether she really wants to do it. Most people work for the money, not because they desperatly want to look after your 4 year old.
Id give the saturday sessions a go and see if you can fit it in. Surely your kid isnt busy all day every saturday

I'm not in the UK; I'm in Germany, which is even more fixated on contracts :) Here, "cash in hand" = "tax dodger"

@ravenmum I know, it’s very common where I am, no one would make a contract for a weekly short session of teaching/babysitting
For me, it’s fine to do but the employees wouldn’t want one as it’s not worth their time for the job in most cases

@SofiaAmes

And could I just add....why on earth are you giving your poor 4 year old homework?

Not even 4 yet! So still a 3 year old being given tutoring and language homework! Poor kid!

Hi. I personally think it's lovely that you want to help your 4 year old fit in in readiness for school op and it seems like you found the perfect person to do so. I would agree with others though that as she can no longer tutor on a Tuesday, she is still keen to do so by suggesting Saturday's (maybe as you had mentioned you would like for her to work some in the future). If your dd is looking forward to seeing her again and from what you've said it sounds as if she most definitely is, could you maybe sacrifice a birthday party or whatever she you had planned just this once and ask her to tutor your dd either this or the following Saturday? See what her response is? If she can do it then great but if she makes an excuse not to then maybe she isn't so keen after all (as you suspect ). Give her a definite date and time and enough notice and see what happens.

I think she was really keen but you cancelling the third lesson has cheesed her off a bit ( the reasons you had said are a bit pathetic really re the house etc) and has emphasised to her how on/off this relationship might be. She isn't going to prioritise you if you don't her. When people are earning in a situation like this it is a real PITA when people start getting flaky and last minute cancelling. Did you tell her you would pay her for the day you cancelled? (Sorry if I missed that) I suspect she has potentially lots of other work.

who would choose to work saturdays over other days

@PlainJaneEyre Yes, I was worried about cancelling, but genuinely had to. I’ve also been cancelled a few times by families in tbe past and it is really annoying, the first time/one time hasn’t bothered me though as these things happened, this was with one family every few weeks and is it hard when you rely on that money. I would’ve paid her at the last lesson.

@PlainJaneEyre My reasons weren’t pathetic, I was vomiting from kidney stones, didn’t want to get dressed and house ready etc. I genuinely didn’t feel well enough to.