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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accused of drinking by dh and him sending dc to his mums for safety

351 replies

innocentinallthis · 30/03/2022 18:44

I'm a SAHM and my dh has just got home.
My 3 year old has a book which you use water on a paintbrush and it changes colour to make a picture.
I got a glass out of the cupboard for water for her to dip the paintbrush in, I wanted a small glass so grabbed a square Jack Daniels one that looked sturdy.
Dh came home saw the Jack Daniels glass now empty on the side and came to the conclusion I'd been drinking while looking after the children (I rarely ever drink anyway) and he's taken the children into the lounge insisting I sleep off imaginary drink and called his mother to look after the children while he's at work tomorrow as I've been so irresponsible.
He has looked through the bins for an empty bottle and we are now in different rooms as he won't speak to me until I tell him where the non existent empty bottle is as we don't have alcohol in the house as neither of us drink it.
Just how do you respond? Other than the truth which falls on deaf ears.
He's in such a bad mood mumbling about how unbelievable I am.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 30/03/2022 18:46

Has he done things like this before?

PineappleRingo · 30/03/2022 18:46

I can’t imagine this happening without some massive backstory?

Your dh sounds to use the mn expression… unhinged Confused

Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 30/03/2022 18:46

Bit of an extreme reaction from him. Why do you think he’s reacted in that way?

Bananabutter · 30/03/2022 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
innocentinallthis · 30/03/2022 18:47

For the record there's never been any issues related to drink in the past within either of our families so it's completely out of nowhere.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/03/2022 18:48

How weird.

I have a drink while looking after my child, nothing wrong with it anyway as long as you're not getting pissed.

ThirdElephant · 30/03/2022 18:48

Is he using imaginary alcohol to deflect attention from some misdeed of his own?

Mummy1608 · 30/03/2022 18:48

He sounds terrifyingly controlling

SickAndTiredAgain · 30/03/2022 18:49

That’s just such a bizarre conclusion to jump to. Presumably your child’s paintbrush and paper are out and wet? And for him to jump straight to the conclusion that you haven’t just had a drink, but that you’ve had enough that it needs to be slept off and you aren’t capable of looking after the children tomorrow??
It doesn’t make any sense - there must be a back story, either of you drinking, or of him being wildly ridiculous/paranoid and accusing you of things you’ve not done?

hybridoaties · 30/03/2022 18:49

Are you sure he doesn't have plans to leave you and is wanting custody so has created this situation to have his mother back him up as a witness? Ring your mother In law and tell her you will be having the children tomorrow and explain what has happened and ask her to make sure all is well with her son! This is seriously abusive!

PonyPatter44 · 30/03/2022 18:50

That is a completely bizarre reaction. Do neither of you drink at all? Does one of you have a previous history of alcohol problems?

If its completely out of the blue, tell him to stop being such a fucking lunatic. When his mum gets there, tell her to tell him the same thing!

Original poster
innocentinallthis · 30/03/2022 18:51

I've never drunk at home, maybe the odd glass of wine at a restaurant on a rare evening out for a meal but not even that since having dd and breastfeeding.
He's just convinced there's no other explanation and using that glass for painting is not believable.

OP posts:
Steelesauce · 30/03/2022 18:51

You're a grown up and unless you seem drunk then I don't see what the issue is if you had of had a single drink?

SquishySquirmy · 30/03/2022 18:51

Unless there is a massive backstory, he is acting insane!

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/03/2022 18:52

Woah.

What other manipulative things does he do?

Minfilia · 30/03/2022 18:53

Honestly, if there’s no back story then he sounds mentally ill!

If he doesn’t want to talk to you then send a text asking him why he’s completely lost the plot over some paint water, not alcohol, and to let you know wtf is going on with him to cause such an odd reaction!!

Iggly · 30/03/2022 18:53

Now, If this was out of the blue for fucked up behaviour then I’d wonder if he was ill.

But tell us what is he like normally.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 30/03/2022 18:54

Um. Without some kind of explanation for his behaviour I’d be rethinking wtf I was doing with this man.

He sounds mad.

anotherneutralname · 30/03/2022 18:54

@hybridoaties

Are you sure he doesn't have plans to leave you and is wanting custody so has created this situation to have his mother back him up as a witness? Ring your mother In law and tell her you will be having the children tomorrow and explain what has happened and ask her to make sure all is well with her son! This is seriously abusive!
This.
Pompom2367 · 30/03/2022 18:54

Tell him he is being ridiculous and that you are not happy for the children to go to his mum's tomorrow

fiftyandfat · 30/03/2022 18:55

He has an agenda. He is looking for anything he can use against you. You need to start looking/thinking about any sort of warning signs prior to this.

Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 30/03/2022 18:55

@hybridoaties

Are you sure he doesn't have plans to leave you and is wanting custody so has created this situation to have his mother back him up as a witness? Ring your mother In law and tell her you will be having the children tomorrow and explain what has happened and ask her to make sure all is well with her son! This is seriously abusive!
This did cross my mind.
TheKeatingFive · 30/03/2022 18:55

There’s no possible way he reacted like this unless you have or have had a drinking problem whether you acknowledge it or not.

What? Confused

Turningpurple · 30/03/2022 18:55

If this is out of the blue, as in you don't have drink problem.

Is his behaviour out of the blue? Or does he have form for accusing you of things? Or trying to make out you are a bad parent?

If not I would be concerned about what pp said regarding potential custody. Only because my exh tried that. I came home from work and had a small glass of wine with dinner. Didn't even finish it. I dont drink often. 2 days later he said he thought I kigut be developing a drinking problem. Despite him having a couple of beers or wine a night. This was towards the end.

My drinking was brought up a couple of times in the 'how will you cope with the kids and nor being able to have a drink?'

I drank so little, the doctor had me down as a non drinker. It's like 3 glasses of wine a year.

I would be telling dh and mil, in text that you had not had a drink and she was not looking after the kids tomorrow.

Mummacake · 30/03/2022 18:56

Another one who's wondering if he's deflecting & or lining up taking the kids. Sorry, my ex tried exactly this. Got short shrift from SS and I TD both him & his mum to do one. The fact he's not even listening to a plausible explanation is disturbing.