Accused of drinking by dh and him sending dc to his mums for safety

[innocentinallthis]

I'm a SAHM and my dh has just got home.
My 3 year old has a book which you use water on a paintbrush and it changes colour to make a picture.
I got a glass out of the cupboard for water for her to dip the paintbrush in, I wanted a small glass so grabbed a square Jack Daniels one that looked sturdy.
Dh came home saw the Jack Daniels glass now empty on the side and came to the conclusion I'd been drinking while looking after the children (I rarely ever drink anyway) and he's taken the children into the lounge insisting I sleep off imaginary drink and called his mother to look after the children while he's at work tomorrow as I've been so irresponsible.
He has looked through the bins for an empty bottle and we are now in different rooms as he won't speak to me until I tell him where the non existent empty bottle is as we don't have alcohol in the house as neither of us drink it.
Just how do you respond? Other than the truth which falls on deaf ears.
He's in such a bad mood mumbling about how unbelievable I am.

This sounds very odd.

I wouldn't let the DCs out of your sight OP.

Unless he has had some sort of breakdown there is no logical explanation other than he is trying to set you up.

I agree that you should have everything in writing, particularly as far as your MIL is concerned.

I also would be driving to a police station because my husband was acting irrationally, accusing me of drinking and was planning on removing the children.

How do you move on from this?

I certainly wouldn't ever feel safe or trust him again.

That’s very weird and I think several people are probably on point with thinking he has a reason to do this…. That he is building a story.

Personally I would be going round to GET your children from your MILs. You have allowed him to build this story already by letting him tell someone he is concerned for his child’s safety with you. You have NOTHING to refute this. Especially if you don’t tell your mother. But if you don’t go get them then need to put in writing (email or text) to your MIL that

1. You are not drunk
2. You have not been drinking at all
3. You never drink while caring for the children
4. Your husband has lied to her
5. You will be coming to get the children in the morning and the ONLY reason you are not coming tonight is because you don’t want them to be confused or upset by the unusual comings and goings.

Then get a notebook and write down everything that happened. Date it.

You are not saving face by not telling your mum. He has already made you have an inconsistency in your story. IF it ever gets to court and your mother didn’t know anything about this on the night and someone asks her she will have to say ‘my daughter came but didn’t tell me what had happened’ the next question to you will be ‘why didn’t you tell your mother? Only guilty people lie’

That’s really weird behaviour by him OP. If you’re near a garage could you get one of those breathalyser kits for driving abroad and video yourself doing it? Just in case he has something further planned.

Tell your mother what he has done NOW.

I would honestly be very suspicious of his motive.

This is mental. Even if you had had a drink so What if you're not drunk and parenting fine, what's the problem? He sounds controlling and like he might be manipulating the situation by creating a set up to make you look bad.

Did you not just laugh at him? Or are you scared of him?

I’m stunned at some of this. Drive to a police station and ask to be breathalyser? Aye becayse that’s a service they provide. Call the police anonymously so they stop you and breathalyse you. I mean, seriously, what? Who does that.

I can’t decide if some of the responses are more mind boggling than what’s going on in the ops home, where someone proclaiming to be all but teetotal is being accused of being drunk, the kids have been removed for safety and the op is going to leave them at the inlaws and drive to her mothers and not tell her.

@billy1966

I also would be driving to a police station because my husband was acting irrationally, accusing me of drinking and was planning on removing the children.

How do you move on from this?

I certainly wouldn't ever feel safe or trust him again.

Actually I think I’d do this. It is seriously odd behaviour by him.

Are you not worried about him?

If this is out of character, and neither of you drink much, frankly, I would be worrying that he is having some kind of crisis. I think although it's embarrassing it might be worth telling your mum, and his mum. It must be really scary for the children. I don't want to scaremonger, but I have known a couple of people who exhibited very erratic behaviour and they were really not well at all. One of them is fine now, but things a bit like this were the first sign she wasn't quite connecting to reality - she got very paranoid.

I would actually go and get your kids if I were you.

@billy1966

I also would be driving to a police station because my husband was acting irrationally, accusing me of drinking and was planning on removing the children.

How do you move on from this?

I certainly wouldn't ever feel safe or trust him again.

One word - RUN

@ChloeHel

One word - RUN

Where?

Wow! I'm not usually a knee jerk "get out now and divorce him asap" advocate ... but if you've described exactly, truthfully and fully what happened ... my sincere advice is "get out now and divorce him asap".

He sounds deranged. And as others suggested possibly also manipulating leaving and claiming full custody.

Good luck, honey. I think you're going to need it.

I think you need to ring the police (not 999 - I can't remember the non-urgent number but that one) and explain the situation. It's potentially a police matter because this is controlling behaviour and looks like the beginning of trying to set you up to look like an unfit parent. If there's no history of drinking then I can't honestly see any other explanation. They will be able to advise you and I would think they would take it seriously as this is 100% a form of domestic abuse.

I agree with billy. If the Police will do you an alcohol test, it proves 100% that this is some kind of unjustified bollox/power play

Tell your mum. You need someone to vouch for you in case he takes this further. She won't remember a one-off visit from you otherwise.
Do not let MIL have your kids tomorrow. If he's plotting something then he will say that he had to remove them from the home. Get him to call the police tomorrow if he's worried. Or call them yourself. Make him look like the twat that he is.

There is no way this is the first time your husband has been such a controlling, paranoid monster. He is fucked up beyond words. Get away from him as soon as possible.

I won't be telling my own mum to save face
Bit you’ve done nothing wrong?
Why wouldn’t you tell your mum this?
Either a) he’s having the beginning of a mental health issue or b) he’s planning something in terms of a separation and getting the children.

The only other possibility is c) you do have a drinking problem.

If it’s definitely not c) and either of the other two options you need to be vocal with your family.

This is really odd behaviour on his part 😳

Both me and DH occasionally use wine/whiskey glasses for different things. We are occasional drinkers and neither would jump to the conclusion that the other had been drinking.

If you were drunk to the point of needing to 'sleep it off' you would surely smell of alcohol, be unsteady on your feet etc?

I would be very concerned that he is having some sort of crisis like a psychotic episode. Can you ring an out of hours GP? This really isn't normal behaviour!

@namechanged00 of all the batshit advice I've read on here, that's right up with the worst.

OP, you must tell your mum. Tell all your friends. The man is either planning something involving trying to take the children away from you, or he is ill. His mother sounds as if she's already complicit, because rather than 'not taking sides', she should be telling him not to be so ridiculous (or should be worried about his MH).

I wouldn't leave your children in the sitting room with him for a single minute. In fact, I wouldn't let them out of my sight. Because if they're not with you, they're with someone who is either malevolent or unbalanced.

Why are you so calm about it? I'd be beside myself.

The police wouldn’t even come to our house when we were being burgled by men with weapons…. You think they’ll come to do an alcohol test on someone who’s husband is acting irrationally?

@Relentlessrose

This is mental. Even if you had had a drink so What if you're not drunk and parenting fine, what's the problem? He sounds controlling and like he might be manipulating the situation by creating a set up to make you look bad.

Did you not just laugh at him? Or are you scared of him?

This!… I’ve seen plenty of families in beer gardens, having a drink whilst caring for their children.

He’s up to something

This is all too weird for words. What did he say when you showed him the paintbrush and book?