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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accused of drinking by dh and him sending dc to his mums for safety

351 replies

innocentinallthis · 30/03/2022 18:44

I'm a SAHM and my dh has just got home.
My 3 year old has a book which you use water on a paintbrush and it changes colour to make a picture.
I got a glass out of the cupboard for water for her to dip the paintbrush in, I wanted a small glass so grabbed a square Jack Daniels one that looked sturdy.
Dh came home saw the Jack Daniels glass now empty on the side and came to the conclusion I'd been drinking while looking after the children (I rarely ever drink anyway) and he's taken the children into the lounge insisting I sleep off imaginary drink and called his mother to look after the children while he's at work tomorrow as I've been so irresponsible.
He has looked through the bins for an empty bottle and we are now in different rooms as he won't speak to me until I tell him where the non existent empty bottle is as we don't have alcohol in the house as neither of us drink it.
Just how do you respond? Other than the truth which falls on deaf ears.
He's in such a bad mood mumbling about how unbelievable I am.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 30/03/2022 19:28

This is bizarre. I would be very worried. Even if you had had a drink while looking after your DC, it doesn't make you a bad parent unless you were drunk or incapable of caring properly for them. I rarely drink (and not at all since becoming pregnant) but very occasionally I enjoyed a drink on Friday afternoon while making dinner.

AryaStarkWolf · 30/03/2022 19:29

@Sausagis

You can buy alcohol tests (maybe try a garage? I buy them to take to France as per French driving law)

Buy one, take the test in front of him, video yourself, talk to him about separation. Because he sounds like a controlling abusive arse, and you need to protect yourself.

Yes good idea and actually OP I would tell your mother because you need your own record of this, his mother won't be on your side if it comes to it
KatsuKatsu · 30/03/2022 19:31

Maybe take a video of yourself reading something

Horst · 30/03/2022 19:31

That seems like a bonkers over reaction even if you had of had a small drink. I mean my dh is the type to order me a curry and a bottle of wine if his working late late past dinner.

AngelinaFibres · 30/03/2022 19:31

@innocentinallthis

I've never drunk at home, maybe the odd glass of wine at a restaurant on a rare evening out for a meal but not even that since having dd and breastfeeding. He's just convinced there's no other explanation and using that glass for painting is not believable.
Surely you could breathe on him. If your breath doesn't stink of booze you haven't been drinking
namechanged00 · 30/03/2022 19:31

I wonder if a member of public could make an anonymous tip off about a drunk driver leaving a particular road (your mums) I wouldn’t usually condone wasting police time but I think on this occasion it could be warranted as there would be a record of your breathalyser

tolerable · 30/03/2022 19:31

ggo to chemist get a drink drive alchohol test now.then do in front of him.bbut you got bigger issue of course

chiangmai · 30/03/2022 19:32

So are you allowing your mil to take your DC tomorrow as you cant be trusted?

This is all very bizarre...and I would be telling your mother

georgarina · 30/03/2022 19:33

Agree with everyone else.

My only conclusions would be

  1. He is trying to set up a backstory to frame or discredit you, possibly in order to take custody?
  2. He is extremely controlling/paranoid or is having a mental breakdown?
My3cents1 · 30/03/2022 19:33

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! You will be glad you did.

IdontPracticeSanteria · 30/03/2022 19:33

My ex-husband tried pulling similar stunts when he had abruptly ended the marriage and custody battle.

Tried to say I had been sleeping while I was looking after my son and implying that I should arrange to see a psychiatrist. Hmm

Fortunately I was switched on and saw right through it and so did CAFCASS and the family court.

georgarina · 30/03/2022 19:34

*And yes I would be calling MIL and explaining all of this, as well as texting her everything and screenshotting.

Headabovetheparakeet · 30/03/2022 19:34

@namechanged00

I wonder if a member of public could make an anonymous tip off about a drunk driver leaving a particular road (your mums) I wouldn’t usually condone wasting police time but I think on this occasion it could be warranted as there would be a record of your breathalyser
Confused
ComDummings · 30/03/2022 19:34

He’s definitely up to no good

vipersnest1 · 30/03/2022 19:34

Another one here thinking you should prove him wrong and get a test. In fact, I suggest you let him know you are at your mothers and when you are returning - and let him know you are more than happy for the police to stop you if he thinks you've been drinking.
You seriously need to call his bluff on this and get some written communication on this. He has to have a motive for behaving the way he is.

PurpleBaskets · 30/03/2022 19:35

@namechanged00

I wonder if a member of public could make an anonymous tip off about a drunk driver leaving a particular road (your mums) I wouldn’t usually condone wasting police time but I think on this occasion it could be warranted as there would be a record of your breathalyser
I really, really hope you are joking
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 30/03/2022 19:35

Blimey even if you’d had a drink that’s a massive over reaction. I don’t work Fridays and have my youngest; when it’s sunny I have a glass or 2’in the afternoon, if my husbands working from home he joins me!!

Clymene · 30/03/2022 19:35

I would be really worried if I were you OP.

I'm assuming your relationship is on the rocks. Do you come from different cultural backgrounds?

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 30/03/2022 19:36

I have spoken to his mum and while she's not taking sides she respects he's doing his duty to his children.

He's already been at her.

He will be telling her you're in a drunk rage and that's why you called.

You need to tell your mum, I know it's embarrassing, but you need an outside opinion, she may have seen things you haven't, or maybe he's already been drip feeding various things to her already.

Nicknacky · 30/03/2022 19:36

@namechanged00 I have read some stupid things on this forum over the years but that comment is up there near the top.

None of this is a police matter. They aren’t going to breathalyse her, “signpost her” or “log” her soberness.

tempester28 · 30/03/2022 19:37

You could enjoy the enforced break? But obviously it is not funny if he doesn’t believe you

LabMix · 30/03/2022 19:37

@namechanged00

I wonder if a member of public could make an anonymous tip off about a drunk driver leaving a particular road (your mums) I wouldn’t usually condone wasting police time but I think on this occasion it could be warranted as there would be a record of your breathalyser
🤦🏽‍♀️
WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 30/03/2022 19:37

@namechanged00

I wonder if a member of public could make an anonymous tip off about a drunk driver leaving a particular road (your mums) I wouldn’t usually condone wasting police time but I think on this occasion it could be warranted as there would be a record of your breathalyser
Getting pulled over and breathalysed won't help op at all Confused
doeadeeer · 30/03/2022 19:38

This is crazy. There must be something going on.

If you're not a whisky drinker why would he even think you would have one? And if you did want a drink, any glass would do?! And you are allowed a drink!

This whole thing is very odd - was he normal before work? Have other strange things happened?

AcrossthePond55 · 30/03/2022 19:40

I agree, if there have been no previous 'issues' with you and alcohol then either he's having some sort of MH issue or he's planning something. Would he want to have the DC full time if a split were to happen? Would his mother? Have you noticed him being hyper-focused on or easily upset by meaningless or 'non-existent' things recently?

Do NOT let him take/leave the DC with his mother. If he takes them over your objections, go pick them up. Do not call first, just go. His mother has no legal right to keep the DC from you. If she's backing him up on this with no previous issues or evidence of you drinking, she may be doing it as part of his 'plan', or possibly because he's been telling her for months that you have a drinking problem.

And I also agree with telling your mother, or telling someone you trust.

But the main thing you need to do is examine your marriage in its totality for problem spots or issues. His behaviour is just not normal. I'd be looking for something in the marriage that I may have missed or accepted as normal in the past.

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