Accused of drinking by dh and him sending dc to his mums for safety

[innocentinallthis]

I'm a SAHM and my dh has just got home.
My 3 year old has a book which you use water on a paintbrush and it changes colour to make a picture.
I got a glass out of the cupboard for water for her to dip the paintbrush in, I wanted a small glass so grabbed a square Jack Daniels one that looked sturdy.
Dh came home saw the Jack Daniels glass now empty on the side and came to the conclusion I'd been drinking while looking after the children (I rarely ever drink anyway) and he's taken the children into the lounge insisting I sleep off imaginary drink and called his mother to look after the children while he's at work tomorrow as I've been so irresponsible.
He has looked through the bins for an empty bottle and we are now in different rooms as he won't speak to me until I tell him where the non existent empty bottle is as we don't have alcohol in the house as neither of us drink it.
Just how do you respond? Other than the truth which falls on deaf ears.
He's in such a bad mood mumbling about how unbelievable I am.

I would be going and getting my kids tbh

@innocentinallthis

I have spoken to his mum and while she's not taking sides she respects he's doing his duty to his children. So I am now (driving) round to my own mums for a quick sober visit in case anything comes of this. I won't be telling my own mum to save face but at least if she's seen me and he is planning what *@hybridoaties* suggests then I have been seen out and about.

I would tell your mum. You need someone on your side who knows what happened.

What’s his real motive here?

Why is he trying to paint you as some sort of unfit parent?

My ex husband tried it with me when he was planning on leaving. Not alcohol, but he would set up situations where I would have to discipline ds. I would tell ds off (appropriately, no going overboard or smacking and shouting), but the lm exh would run in and dramatically shield ds from me, he would then take him to his parents to protect him from me - ds was always bewildered.

He was leaving me for another woman and they had cooked up a plan to make me out as a terrible, dangerous mother (it didn’t work).

Not saying that this is what’s happening in your world, but it’s the same sort of bizzare thing my ex suddenly started doing.

Do NOT let his mother take your children from you tomorrow. Doing his duty indeed. Do not be bullied. Has he made things up against you before?

You'd have been better to drive to your mum's with the dc and stay a while, and tell her why!

This seems very odd and like others say I’d be worried for my dc that Dh has planned something - to take them off me, to leave, no idea. Is the relationship generally bad? Assuming the dc come back tomorrow
Id have a go bag packed from there on with essential documents and take a couple of changes of clothes for them and you to your mothers to have on hand. Can you buy a breathalyser?? And perhaps make sure you have in writing to him a message saying you’ve never even bought spirits much less been drinking while looking after them, and you’re very worried about him as you’re sure he knows this, so if he believes you’re drinking you’re concerned where this wild idea has come from and what’s going on with him?
Shame on his mum too.

@GaladrielHiggins

I wonder if you would be able to get a breathalyser test at a local Police Station?

You can't just pop into the police station and ask to be breathalysed!

Please take a video of yourself and email it to yourself, just a short 5 min video of you sat down explaining what's happened

I would be very worried he's going to make a false claim about you to social services. Or if nip into the local police station and ask for advice at the front desk - obviously it's nothing to do with them but they'll have a PCSO or someone on the front desk and they might make a log that you did a pair intoxicated at all. Which really help you if he does make a malicious complaint

Why would your mum ever remember the particular day you came round, if this is brought up in a year.

'Oh yes on 30th March you did arrive completely sober. I could tell you didn't have a drink'

And tell your mum. Something is going on here.

Similar situation my dad was and is like this with my mum she rarely drinks but mainly because she has one glass and Is tipsy. My dad is teetotal so if he thinks she’s had a drink will accuse her of being drunk . On occasion if on the very rare occasion fancies a glass of wine has to hide it in the house which is odd then he can accuse her of hiding drink . She hides it because she doesn’t want a lecture from some who never drinks. He’s odd and we are no contact because of the way he turns things onto you he’s hard work ..

Agree with pp. He's up to something.
I wouldn't let his mum have the kids tomorrow.

Do you have a breathalyser in the house that you can use to show your alcohol levels?

That probably sounds weird but if you take a driving holiday to France for example it's a legal requirement to have one in the car, so we have them.

@ApolloandDaphne you can certainly go in and ask, they won't breathlyse you but they might note it down or sign post to other support, I would imagine they would be thinking that it's some weird coercive controlling behaviour so may ask some questions about abuse

He’s planning something unpleasant. Get your shit together and make copies of important documents.

He has created this because he wants out. I suggest you leave with the children have you got someone you can stay in or book into a hotel. Ring the Dr say you are worried about his mental state and quite honestly he should not be near the children in his state of mind

I wouldn’t bother getting a breathalyser test or whatever. If he’s so adamant he’s right, or says he is, he probably won’t believe you. Anyway, you know it’s bollocks so why even entertain it?

I know one thing though, I wouldn’t have driven off anywhere and left my kids with that head case. He would have been welcome to piss to his mothers until he got a grip however.

What’s your relationship usually like? Honestly?

Wtf? There's definitely something else going on here OP, be careful

Your DH sounds bizarre, is he controlling? That's not a normal reaction! My DH has
Come home from work before to find me with a glass of wine and has never reacted this way!

You can buy alcohol tests (maybe try a garage? I buy them to take to France as per French driving law)

Buy one, take the test in front of him, video yourself, talk to him about separation. Because he sounds like a controlling abusive arse, and you need to protect yourself.

And definitely don’t let them go to MIL.

So he thinks your drunk or been drinking but hasn't tried to stop you from driving to your mums, all sounds odd to me don't let his mum have the dc tomorrow even if she's not taking sides I wouldn't trust any off them right now.

I'd be driving to a police station, I don't know if they would do a breathalyser if you requested but they may be able to tell you where to get one urgently?

This is really odd. I wouldn't let your kids go to his mums tbh. Where did the glass come from anyway?