Accused of drinking by dh and him sending dc to his mums for safety

[innocentinallthis]

I'm a SAHM and my dh has just got home.
My 3 year old has a book which you use water on a paintbrush and it changes colour to make a picture.
I got a glass out of the cupboard for water for her to dip the paintbrush in, I wanted a small glass so grabbed a square Jack Daniels one that looked sturdy.
Dh came home saw the Jack Daniels glass now empty on the side and came to the conclusion I'd been drinking while looking after the children (I rarely ever drink anyway) and he's taken the children into the lounge insisting I sleep off imaginary drink and called his mother to look after the children while he's at work tomorrow as I've been so irresponsible.
He has looked through the bins for an empty bottle and we are now in different rooms as he won't speak to me until I tell him where the non existent empty bottle is as we don't have alcohol in the house as neither of us drink it.
Just how do you respond? Other than the truth which falls on deaf ears.
He's in such a bad mood mumbling about how unbelievable I am.

He sounds like he's lost the plot

I’d ring his mum and say you’re worried about his irrational behaviour and could she have a chat with him and see if he’s ok.

This is literally insane. Why would having a jack daniels glass out even mean you'd absolutely been drinking. Especially when you are someone who rarely drinks and doesnt drink at home. Is his mental health okay? Id personally call your mother in law and tell her the situation and say the situation is pretty unhinged and you are definitely not drinking and don't need anyone to watch your children tomorrow. So weird.

@Minfilia

Honestly, if there’s no back story then he sounds mentally ill!

If he doesn’t want to talk to you then send a text asking him why he’s completely lost the plot over some paint water, not alcohol, and to let you know wtf is going on with him to cause such an odd reaction!!

This.

I'd walk into the room he's in and announce I am seriously worried about his bizarre behaviour and if he continues to insist that he genuinely believes this shit then I'm calling 999 and asking for an ambulance. He needs medical help.

He would not be phoning his mother/taking my children off me/ starting to manipulate this shitty story through the family.

I'd be wondering if he was planning on divorce and fabricating stories of me being an alcoholic.

@hybridoaties

Are you sure he doesn't have plans to leave you and is wanting custody so has created this situation to have his mother back him up as a witness? Ring your mother In law and tell her you will be having the children tomorrow and explain what has happened and ask her to make sure all is well with her son! This is seriously abusive!

This is exactly what I thought too.

He's up to something.

If there's no back story if you drinking then my feeling would be that he is trying to paint you as some sort of awful parent/partner to people.

Do you get the feeling he is looking for a get out in your relationship but doesn't want to look like the bad one for leaving over nothing?

The only guys I know who start accusations like this, drugs, affairs, abuse etc (where they are 100% not true) have all been having affairs but want to look like the injured party.

Agree with everyone else.

Also, if he suspected the glass had had alcohol in it, did he not first smell the glass?!

That's so strange. I thought by your op you were a drinker but if you don't drink at all then this is just bizarre. You actually let him take your children away from you for you to sleep off drink that you hadn't even had???? It's crazy!!!

I’d tell mother in law she won’t be getting access to the house tomorrow and that if he’s going to act like a twat he can fuck off to her house as well.

Can the 3 year old not corroborate what happened?

Leave the controlling bastard. There is nothing else to say.

Has he got someone else perhaps and is looking for a way to exclude you from custody?

Hit post too soon. People act like this when they want to hide something and be the ‘injured party’ I’d be asking him what he’s got to hide to be acting this way.

I think you need to take control here. I’d call MIL and tell her that you are fine, not drunk or even been drinking and she does not need to take care of the children for you but she might want to deal with her son who seems to be having some kind of paranoia induced breakdown. Try and remain as calm as possible.

Don’t let him go around spreading damaging lies about you. I would be very, very wary of him going forward and try to have as many conversations about the care of the children by text/WhatsApp so you can screenshot them later if you need to.

Def something going on. Either he is having some sort of mental health crisis or he's trying to lay the groundwork for something else. Either way it's not good. I would not 'sleep it off', tell him you won't listen to any more of his nonsense and if it persists, you will have to ask his mother and GP for help as he's clearly unwell.

That is a very irrational overreaction. Does he usually react like this to things?

Call his bluff. Tell him if he’s so concerned to call the police and get you a breathalyser. Or go to a pharmacy and get a drink and drugs test.

Beware he is paving the way to label you a bad parent.
Has spitting up been mentioned recently?
He is even getting his dps on side...

Is he setting you up for something? To use against you in a custody battle? I’d be out with the kids and say no to mil. And I’d be livid with dh.

@Petsop

Call his bluff. Tell him if he’s so concerned to call the police and get you a breathalyser. Or go to a pharmacy and get a drink and drugs test.

Yes this.

@hybridoaties

Are you sure he doesn't have plans to leave you and is wanting custody so has created this situation to have his mother back him up as a witness? Ring your mother In law and tell her you will be having the children tomorrow and explain what has happened and ask her to make sure all is well with her son! This is seriously abusive!

My first thought was this if there is no history of drinking issues.

Send him to the pharmacy or Halfords for an over the counter breathalyser. Seriously bizarre behaviour. As if you’d need a Jack Daniel’s glass to have a drink and be so affected by it that you’d be unable to function. This stinks and it stinks of a set up.

He's created this scenario for some purpose of his own, perhaps the first step in breaking up your marriage.

Suggest to him that he goes and buys a breathalyser test kit (Halfords or Boots might sell them) for you to prove you are innocent.

But I suspect there is more to this than meets the eye, as you will find out over the coming days.

Like Petsop I'd call his bluff. I'd tell him I'm driving to mil's to pick up the kids so if he believes me to be drunk he should probably report me. Then get in the car and do it.

He sounds deranged.

Tell him the DC are not going to his mothers, and you want to know wtf is wrong with him. As PP have said, it sounds very suspicious, like he was looking for a reason/opportunity to paint you as a Bad Mother.

Ah, reread and see the kids aren't with her yet. I'd still tell him I was driving somewhere to see how he responded.

I have spoken to his mum and while she's not taking sides she respects he's doing his duty to his children.
So I am now (driving) round to my own mums for a quick sober visit in case anything comes of this.
I won't be telling my own mum to save face but at least if she's seen me and he is planning what @hybridoaties suggests then I have been seen out and about.