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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think OH needs to come back now?

167 replies

neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 18:23

Had an awful argument yesterday and he went and stayed with his brother I'm 39 weeks pregnant I did tell him to get out but I couldn't cope with the arguing and I was getting stressed. He came back this morning and took the kids to school and picked them up and dropped them back of earlier. He's gone straight back to his brothers again I'm actually starting to think he's enjoying it.

I'm not very well (preclampsia) and I'm just struggling to get around to be honest. I thought he would have came back home today but no he's staying with his brother again.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable? I know it was a terrible argument but I am kind of relying on him at the moment for help.

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 30/03/2022 18:25

What was the argument about?

Hiddenvoice · 30/03/2022 18:26

Sorry this is happening, not what you need at 39 weeks pregnant!
I guess it really depends on your argument and your relationship lately. You’ve told him to get out so he’s trying to let things settle and do as you wish so you’re not more upset.
I guess now you’ll need to contact him and ask him to come back to try smooth things over. He won’t want to return when he thinks you don’t want him there.

Savoretti · 30/03/2022 18:26

If you told him to get out then he is doing as asked
Maybe you two need to talk?

PineappleRingo · 30/03/2022 18:27

Maybe he doesn’t want to come back?

Wilma55 · 30/03/2022 18:27

You told him to go, have you asked him to come back?

ManateeFair · 30/03/2022 18:28

It really depends on why you were arguing and what you said/did.

You effectively threw him out, so I can understand why he might not want to come back. This is one where it’s not possible to say if YABU without knowing the full story and hearing both sides.

MrMrsJones · 30/03/2022 18:28

What an easy way for him to get out of helping you with the younger children, leave you sorting them out while he has fun with his brother.

You should have gone to your parents, friends and left him to deal

Original poster

neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 18:28

@LagunaBubbles lack of support from him really I didn't feel that he was pulling his weight.

OP posts:

Motnight · 30/03/2022 18:30

You told him to get out Op. Which he heard as permission to provide even less help and support.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 30/03/2022 18:30

39 weeks pregnant with complications and he's left you to deal with the kids. What an absolute diamond. Even if the arguement was your fault it still makes him a twat

bluedomino · 30/03/2022 18:30

Honestly, if he able to treat you like this when you are ill and about to give birth, then you are so much better off without him. He's leaving you alone with small children to do all the grunt work whilst pregnant so he can live the single life. Hes training you as from now on you will be worried if you argue he will leave. Please don't allow any man to treat you like this and kick him out. You will never be secure. Do you have any family around for support? Have you told them what he's done? Good luck with your new baby.

pitterpatterrain · 30/03/2022 18:31

@bluedomino

This

LabMix · 30/03/2022 18:31

You told him to leave

Have you asked him to come back or are you expecting him to read your mind and know you no longer want him out of the house?

Porridgealert · 30/03/2022 18:33

If he left because you told him to, have you asked him to come back? TBH, if he doesn't pull his weight, it can't a be surprise he prefers chilling at his brothers - which is where you sent him.

Original poster

neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 18:36

I don't really want to go back to him grovelling for him to come back, he should want to come back and help.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 30/03/2022 18:40

Can you go dry with family and let him look after the DC?

HellToTheNope · 30/03/2022 18:42

@neverendingwashing

I don't really want to go back to him grovelling for him to come back, he should want to come back and help.

Given your argument was about him being useless, the chances of him wanting to help are exactly zero. What you see is what you get.

Bananabutter · 30/03/2022 18:43

If you haven’t asked him to come back you can’t complain he’s doing as you asked 🤷‍♀️

Duracellbunnywannabe · 30/03/2022 18:44

You have told him to go. He is respecting that. If you want him to move back then you need to be an adult and tell him.

LabMix · 30/03/2022 18:47

@neverendingwashing

I don't really want to go back to him grovelling for him to come back, he should want to come back and help.

oh come on, grow up

Herejustforthisone · 30/03/2022 18:59

Because you were arguing about him being a useless sack of shit, I imagine he’s absolutely relishing having to do even less at his brother’s house. This is a fairly depressing situation.

He sounds like a bitterly disappointing man if he already did fuck all and is prepared to do even less for his fully pregnant wife with preeclampsia.

Littlegoth · 30/03/2022 18:59

You complained about him not pulling his weight, so now he’s using that as an excuse to do even less, while you are 39 weeks pregnant and have pre eclampsia. Is that right?

This would not impress me at all.

WonderfulYou · 30/03/2022 19:00

It’s not good for the baby if you’re stressed out and arguing, so he’s being respectful by leaving when you asked him.

You’ve kicked someone out of their home.
If you want him back then you need to apologise and discuss how you can both make things better before he even thinks about moving back in.

Afterdinnerchocs · 30/03/2022 19:01

Pre-eclampsia is a serious condition that can kill mum and baby, call him up and explain that leaving you alone with children is not a good idea. Even if you don't talk and deal with the issues right now, you need another adult with you in case you suffer a seizure and need someone to call an ambulance. I say this as someone who got into a taxi on Friday 13th 35 weeks pregnant and woke up on the Saturday evening to be told I'd had an emergency c-section due to suffering a fit from undiagnosed pre-eclampsia

Pompom2367 · 30/03/2022 19:02

You told him to leave op you can't expect him to come back as soon as you want him to

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