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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think OH needs to come back now?

167 replies

neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 18:23

Had an awful argument yesterday and he went and stayed with his brother I'm 39 weeks pregnant I did tell him to get out but I couldn't cope with the arguing and I was getting stressed. He came back this morning and took the kids to school and picked them up and dropped them back of earlier. He's gone straight back to his brothers again I'm actually starting to think he's enjoying it.

I'm not very well (preclampsia) and I'm just struggling to get around to be honest. I thought he would have came back home today but no he's staying with his brother again.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable? I know it was a terrible argument but I am kind of relying on him at the moment for help.

OP posts:
cavalatete · 30/03/2022 20:54

*some women do too

WTF475878237NC · 30/03/2022 20:54

Maybe he thinks he's doing the right thing by staying away

^ of course he doesn't. He isn't respecting what she said, he's relishing doing even less because he's clearly lazy.

2Rebecca · 30/03/2022 21:00

If you think he enjoys being with his brother more than he enjoys being with you then why do you want him back?

Blossomtoes · 30/03/2022 21:02

@EnjoyingTheSilence

So you’ve had an argument about him. It pulling his weight and his solution is disappear and do even less. What a catch!
That was OP’s solution. If you need someone’s help it’s not a great idea to tell them to piss off.
2catsandhappy · 30/03/2022 21:03

6 of one, half a dozen of the other.
He'll be back when he wants clean pants. Point to the washing machine.

ZippyZap · 30/03/2022 21:04

He's being a prick for leaving you alone at 39 weeks... And with pre-eclampsia... I'd call him and say he needs to step up. Come back home and take care of his children while YOU go and stay somewhere else for someone to look after you... Until it's all settled

Midlifemusings · 30/03/2022 21:08

It would be unusual for someone who does nothing to get up and drive over and pick up the kids and take them to school and then go pick them up again at the end of the day.

Was that just to try and show you he actually does contribute or does he actually do some things at home?

Original poster
neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 21:08

Thought I posted but I haven't, midwife picked up on it yesterday had results back today I am
Guessing they are going to bring me in for a c-section just waiting for the call.

I've spoken to OH now and we don't agree on anything both see things differently so I don't know how things will ever work. He feels he has been doing everything and he can't just look after me all the time but I don't feel he is doing enough so I don't know..

He even complained about driving me to the hospital yesterday after I said I don't feel comfortable driving anymore I haven't drove in weeks.

OP posts:
princesscallie · 30/03/2022 21:11

You'll have to talk about the issues you're having.

Original poster
neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 21:12

If I wasn't heavily pregnant with preclampsia and SPD which is crippling me the most out of it all to be honest! I wouldn't give a toss.

I just feel so vulnerable, Mum has offered to come stay tomorrow but he has said he is coming back so we will see.

OP posts:
KosherDill · 30/03/2022 21:13

What was he not doing that you felt he should?

Herejustforthisone · 30/03/2022 21:14

He doesn’t sound supportive. At all. What kind of a man moans about driving his sick pregnant wife to hospital? The fuck is wrong with him?

Berthatydfil · 30/03/2022 21:17

So you have spd and pre eclampsia and he thinks you should be driving yourself to the hospital.??

He’s a real prince among men.

MissyB1 · 30/03/2022 21:21

I would tell him to stay away and ask your mum to stay until after baby is born.

TheBigDilemma · 30/03/2022 21:22

Bloody hell OP, 39 weeks, fed up and with pre eclampsia and he has gone and stay out when the birth is imminent?

My partner would have sent me to take rest / have a nap and deal with any pending stuff himself. You are at a vulnerable time and exhausted, he should make allowances for that, at the end of the day, you are having some heavy weeks ahead of you.

Theunamedcat · 30/03/2022 21:22

Have your mum as support not him he sounds as supportive as a rubber crutch

Spaghag · 30/03/2022 21:23

At 39 weeks pregnant with pre-eclampsia you will be delivering literally any day now.

I had pre-eclampsia with DC1 & only got to 37 weeks. I was also induced at term with DC2 & DC3 to limit the chance of the same happening again.

You should be resting now, not dealing with this shit.

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 30/03/2022 21:24

How old are your other children? Small and dependent, or able to look after themselves a bit? He is being very unhelpful and selfish, just when you need him the most. Hopefully he will quickly realise the error of his ways…

rwalker · 30/03/2022 21:24

Come off here is my advice people a judging and advising on a very small snapshot of what's gone on .

it's between you 2 and some comments and advice on here are far from helpful

Passanotherjaffacake · 30/03/2022 21:27

I sympathise with you OP, horrible situation for you and he sounds pretty awful. Agree he is likely enjoying some responsibility free time. Have read so many threads on here with men convinced they are doing ‘everything’.

I would be telling him to stay away though and organising other support. Get your mum to come regardless and don’t rely on him right now. Your mum might be helpful as an observer as well as an extra pair of hands.

I hope the birth goes really well.

wingingit987 · 30/03/2022 21:40

Just get through the next few months putting you and your children first he sounds like a huge asshole!

MeridianB · 30/03/2022 21:40

@Dumblebum

I’m also unsure why you’re at home with pre eclampsia at 39 weeks. That doesn’t sound right at all.
This. Please get any care you need, OP.

Your husband sounds like a giant man baby.

Wingingthis · 30/03/2022 21:41

You need to be clear and say you need him to come back as you are struggling. You need to tell him exactly what you need from him all the time, this is what I’ve discovered with my DH anyway! Hell do it if I ask just hasn’t got the brain power to think to do it anyway! He has got better at this though

WonderfulYou · 30/03/2022 21:43

What does he do - how come you feel he doesn’t do enough but he thinks he does too much?

As you say if you think completely the opposite then I don’t see how you can ever agree on this.

GreyTS · 30/03/2022 21:44

@Barkingmadhouse

Let's flip this and the story becomes "we argued,, I told him to leave and now he is refusing to leave. I'm so stressed he won't leave when I want him to". OR "we argued, I told him to leave and he did. He has taken the kids with him and has disrupted their lives. I'm so stressed he took the kids away"... You see his predicament. You told him to leave - you go grovel
Grovel?!? A 39 week pregnant woman who dared to challenge her partner for being a lazy unhelpful arsehole and you think she needs to grovel 🤨 I think that you might be a bit of a cunt
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