Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think OH needs to come back now?

167 replies

neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 18:23

Had an awful argument yesterday and he went and stayed with his brother I'm 39 weeks pregnant I did tell him to get out but I couldn't cope with the arguing and I was getting stressed. He came back this morning and took the kids to school and picked them up and dropped them back of earlier. He's gone straight back to his brothers again I'm actually starting to think he's enjoying it.

I'm not very well (preclampsia) and I'm just struggling to get around to be honest. I thought he would have came back home today but no he's staying with his brother again.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable? I know it was a terrible argument but I am kind of relying on him at the moment for help.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 30/03/2022 22:42

In real life, most decent men would say “don’t be ridiculous” at being asked to leave in these circumstances

So he should have refused to leave when she asked him to?

I completely disagree.
If someone is so stressed that it’s going to affect the baby and asks you to leave you should do.

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 30/03/2022 22:44

At 39 weeks pregnant with two children and a health condition? Absolutely.

WonderfulYou · 30/03/2022 22:44

OP you say you had no food all day. What’s the reason you couldn’t do a food shop? Do you have your own money? Do you work?

What was he like before you got pregnant?
As a PP said this doesn’t seem like a one off thing, it sounds like this relationship hasn’t worked for a long time.

Why do you want him to come home?

CandyLeBonBon · 30/03/2022 22:48

It's difficult to piece this together op. It seems like part of a bigger problem. Why are you not eating? Online shopping is your friend here, surely? It's sounds like this is bigger than just an argument.

VampireMoney · 30/03/2022 22:58

So I'm sat there on a evening waiting to see what he was going to say about dinner because I hadn't eaten all day and the kids would want their dinner. I'm not used to not having food in the cupboards or fridge no snacks for the kids or not having any plans for dinner.

So what did your children eat in this instance? It's just as much your responsibility to have food in the house for the kids as it is his. If you know how unreliable he is why not get a shopping delivery? How is there tons of washing up if there's no food in the house? Do you have access to money?

Nanny0gg · 30/03/2022 23:08

[quote neverendingwashing]@LagunaBubbles lack of support from him really I didn't feel that he was pulling his weight. [/quote]
Proving your point then?

Does he understand pre-eclampsia and how dangerous it can be?

SarahBellam · 30/03/2022 23:10

@VampireMoney

So I'm sat there on a evening waiting to see what he was going to say about dinner because I hadn't eaten all day and the kids would want their dinner. I'm not used to not having food in the cupboards or fridge no snacks for the kids or not having any plans for dinner.

So what did your children eat in this instance? It's just as much your responsibility to have food in the house for the kids as it is his. If you know how unreliable he is why not get a shopping delivery? How is there tons of washing up if there's no food in the house? Do you have access to money?

Because she’s 39 weeks pregnant and has preeclampsia? Because, just maybe, she’s married to a fully functioning adult man who should be able to buy and prepare a simple meal for his family? This isn’t rocket science.
Fraaahnces · 30/03/2022 23:14

You’re having kids with a useless manchild. He doesn’t consider the needs of his children or their mother. Bin him.

Allusernamesalreadyused · 30/03/2022 23:26

@LabMix

You told him to leave Confused

Have you asked him to come back or are you expecting him to read your mind and know you no longer want him out of the house?

Ohhhh dear lord Lab mix. You are a twat

Sorry for what's happened OP. Hope he cops on and helps you for the immediate time you need him.
After that, make your own decisions.
Although he's acting an arsehole right now😕

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 30/03/2022 23:30

[quote neverendingwashing]@LagunaBubbles lack of support from him really I didn't feel that he was pulling his weight. [/quote]
Well there you go OP and he is pulling it even less now and has an excuse. He sounds like a total waste of space. I think you'd be better of with CMA than being stressed out like this all the time.
If he lives somewhere else he'll have to pull his weight and have the kids 50/50.

AKASammyScrounge · 30/03/2022 23:38

You sound as if you're blaming the OP. She's not feeling great and pre-eclampsia is dangerous. He should not have rowed with her and should have ignored her 'Get out', if not for her then for the baby's sake.She should not be on her own.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 30/03/2022 23:39

Put the kids in a taxi and drop them off at the brothers house.

After all, it is you who needs rest, not him. He can figure out school etc. You get some rest and some peace. Hopefully your mum would come anyway to take a little care of you.

Holskey · 31/03/2022 00:22

From your OP, I thought you were being childish not asking him to return.

Having read your follow up posts I think he's a massive twat. You obviously can't rely on him (but you shouldn't allow it to get to the stage where you're going without food to prove that. You can sort an online shop). He's sounds completely self-absorbed, uncaring and inconsiderate. Get someone else to help you but make him look after the kids.

VampireMoney · 31/03/2022 00:35

Because she’s 39 weeks pregnant and has preeclampsia? Because, just maybe, she’s married to a fully functioning adult man who should be able to buy and prepare a simple meal for his family? This isn’t rocket science.

Oh come off it. OP is a grown woman and responsible for feeding herself, no need to sit around hungry waiting for a waste of space OH to feed her when she could place a food order online. Of course he's capable of making them a meal, but he isn't going to and OP knows that. Sitting there hungry with no food in for herself and DC is just going to extremes to prove a point. The whole thing is ridiculous.

BoredZelda · 31/03/2022 00:39

I don't really want to go back to him grovelling for him to come back, he should want to come back and help.

After you had go at him for not providing the help and support that you say you really need him back to give you?

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2022 00:39

@LovePoppy

You kicked him out

You need to ask him back

I don't think she does actually.

Not in the long run.

Useless waste of space

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2022 00:40

@BoredZelda

I don't really want to go back to him grovelling for him to come back, he should want to come back and help.

After you had go at him for not providing the help and support that you say you really need him back to give you?

You'd just accept his attitude?
Bunnyfuller · 31/03/2022 00:49

You have pre eclampsia and not in hospital? I call bs.

Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 01:09

You should be in bed resting with preeclampsia. I would be asking another family member to come and help.

tiddlywinks2 · 31/03/2022 01:20

@Bunnyfuller

You have pre eclampsia and not in hospital? I call bs.
Really? I had pre eclampsia and I wasn't admitted!
KELLOGSspeck · 31/03/2022 07:01

@Bunnyfuller

You have pre eclampsia and not in hospital? I call bs.
Exactly and OP is so far on.
Movingsoon21 · 31/03/2022 08:17

OP, I’m so sorry you’re in this awful situation.

I’m currently 38 weeks with a normal pregnancy and my husband is doing everything for me. If we were to have an argument he would back down and apologise to make sure I didn’t get too stressed, not escalate it to the point I wanted him to leave!!

OP I hate to say it but this man is no good. Long term, you have to leave him. But for now you just need reliable help. Get your mum round, and get her to tell him what for if he comes back - ie give him orders about what he needs to do. But she shouldn’t leave you with just him as he’s worse than useless - he’s actually making things worse for you.

And shame on those posters kicking a heavily pregnant woman down, especially when she’s in such an awful predicament. Hope it’s made you feel better about yourselves Hmm

Guineapigssweak · 31/03/2022 09:34

He will never ever change. Sadly you either accept it or you separate.

OatmilkandCookies · 31/03/2022 10:06

I'm sorry for what you're going through OP. Hope you and baby are OK.
Having read your updates, in your shoes I would let him stay away and accept your mum's help. Let her help with the kids, cleaning and looking after and supporting you, making sure you all get food etc.
Then have a talk with OP because from your posts it sounds like this has been a long time coming and there have been other issues.

Iwonder08 · 31/03/2022 10:22

I can see fault on both sides. OP, at the moment you need to concentrate on delivering the baby safely and forget about dishes. Order take away if you must. Once you had the baby and feel better it is time to discuss the roles and responsibilities. Instead of 'you don't do anything to help' it would be more productive to list all the tasks and split them fairly and evenly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread