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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think OH needs to come back now?

167 replies

neverendingwashing · 30/03/2022 18:23

Had an awful argument yesterday and he went and stayed with his brother I'm 39 weeks pregnant I did tell him to get out but I couldn't cope with the arguing and I was getting stressed. He came back this morning and took the kids to school and picked them up and dropped them back of earlier. He's gone straight back to his brothers again I'm actually starting to think he's enjoying it.

I'm not very well (preclampsia) and I'm just struggling to get around to be honest. I thought he would have came back home today but no he's staying with his brother again.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable? I know it was a terrible argument but I am kind of relying on him at the moment for help.

OP posts:
VampireMoney · 30/03/2022 19:05

Pre-eclampsia is a serious condition that can kill mum and baby, call him up and explain that leaving you alone with children is not a good idea.

I'm assuming OP knows that. It was also OP who told him to leave so he did.

Faevern · 30/03/2022 19:06

Yes you should be resting with preeclampsia, in my day you were hospitalised on bed rest. Your DH is a twat for not helping you and for arguing with you about it and not recognising that you were at the end of your tether telling him to get out.

He is deliberately putting you in a position where you need to ask him to come back. Tell him he needs to look after his children either in his home or at his brothers and leave him to it and rest.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 30/03/2022 19:06

You told him to go and you say that he should want to come back. You can’t make people do what you want them to. If he hasn’t helped out enough, does he know what you want him to do? If he does and he’s refusing, that probably won’t change. If he doesn’t know what you expect, you need to have a conversation.

Creameggs223 · 30/03/2022 19:06

@Afterdinnerchocs

Pre-eclampsia is a serious condition that can kill mum and baby, call him up and explain that leaving you alone with children is not a good idea. Even if you don't talk and deal with the issues right now, you need another adult with you in case you suffer a seizure and need someone to call an ambulance. I say this as someone who got into a taxi on Friday 13th 35 weeks pregnant and woke up on the Saturday evening to be told I'd had an emergency c-section due to suffering a fit from undiagnosed pre-eclampsia
Yours was undiagnosed, op should be closely monitored and would be in hospital if needed.
MrsSkylerWhite · 30/03/2022 19:07

Shouldn’t you be being monitored in hospital?

Hankunamatata · 30/03/2022 19:11

He isnt a mind reader. You told him to leave. You need to have a proper adult discussion about plan moving forward. He doesnt magically know he can come back

Herewegoagain84 · 30/03/2022 19:24

On a different note, why aren’t you in hospital? Having had severe preeclampsia twice, they hospitalise straight away and would usually have you delivered if you’ve already made it to 39 weeks. Preeclampsia is no joke.

Puffalicious · 30/03/2022 19:28

This is causing you worry and stress. He should know this! Despite the argument he should be there for you.

Riapia · 30/03/2022 19:29

You didn’t want him there, he did fuck all when he was there.
Sounds like you should both be satisfied with the outcome.

VampireMoney · 30/03/2022 19:29

@Puffalicious

This is causing you worry and stress. He should know this! Despite the argument he should be there for you.
Him staying was causing her worry and stress, that's why she asked him to leave! He's not a mind reader. He might have decided he doesn't want to go back at all!
Hatinafield · 30/03/2022 19:33

If you’ve been diagnosed with pre eclampsia and you’re 39 weeks there’s no way you should be looking after other kids alone. Do you have family who can help?Flowers

CatRatSplat · 30/03/2022 19:37

@Herewegoagain84 I was undiagnosed for a week and then all hell broke lose when they found my pre eclampsia and hellp syndrome, the only wait I had was for the blood plasma to warm up before being whisked off to the C-section.

CatRatSplat · 30/03/2022 19:38

Posted too soon,

OP I really think you need to talk to him or at least have another adult that can take over the children.

Momicrone · 30/03/2022 19:45

Hankunamatata, how about he supports his wife a a difficult time despite every thing?

Dumblebum · 30/03/2022 19:49

Sounds like it was an awful argument and you asked him to leave. You’ve not said for him to come back. You want him to ask to come back, sounds like two stubborn people.

Momicrone · 30/03/2022 19:50

One of those stubborn people is about to give birth, jesus, give the woman a break

Dumblebum · 30/03/2022 19:51

I’m also unsure why you’re at home with pre eclampsia at 39 weeks. That doesn’t sound right at all.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 30/03/2022 19:54

@Momicrone

One of those stubborn people is about to give birth, jesus, give the woman a break
But she also kicked him out.

Maybe he thinks he's doing the right thing by staying away?

Calmdown14 · 30/03/2022 19:56

Another pile on the OP thread.

Yes she asked him to leave - in the middle of an argument that presumably wasn't doing her blood pressure any good.
But come on, common sense and decency should mean he at least offers to take care of the kids, even if it's away from the home.
You don't leave a very heavily pregnant woman to run after two small children, argument or not .

Momicrone · 30/03/2022 19:58

Fairlight, if he thinks he's doing the right thing, he's an areshole

Faevern · 30/03/2022 20:00

FFS why do some women feel the need to kick another woman when she’s 39 weeks pregnant. Like there’s not enough against us at that time.

Clymene · 30/03/2022 20:00

This reply has been deleted

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Barkingmadhouse · 30/03/2022 20:01

Let's flip this and the story becomes
"we argued,, I told him to leave and now he is refusing to leave. I'm so stressed he won't leave when I want him to".
OR "we argued, I told him to leave and he did. He has taken the kids with him and has disrupted their lives. I'm so stressed he took the kids away"... You see his predicament. You told him to leave - you go grovel

Clymene · 30/03/2022 20:01

That said, call him and tell him he needs to come back. And then divorce him because he's a cunt

Headabovetheparakeet · 30/03/2022 20:02

@Clymene

That said, call him and tell him he needs to come back. And then divorce him because he's a cunt
Agree with this.
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