To think OH needs to come back now?

[neverendingwashing]

Had an awful argument yesterday and he went and stayed with his brother I'm 39 weeks pregnant I did tell him to get out but I couldn't cope with the arguing and I was getting stressed. He came back this morning and took the kids to school and picked them up and dropped them back of earlier. He's gone straight back to his brothers again I'm actually starting to think he's enjoying it.

I'm not very well (preclampsia) and I'm just struggling to get around to be honest. I thought he would have came back home today but no he's staying with his brother again.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable? I know it was a terrible argument but I am kind of relying on him at the moment for help.

"We had a row and I told the fucker to fuck off and he did."

"What a bastard!"

"I know, right?"

I really don’t understand that if an argument is so bad and you’re told in an abusive manner to leave some posters are saying the man should have refused to do so and stayed and forced his presence on the op becayse she’s pregnant and refused to respect her wishes.

Of course he should have left.

@Dumblebum

I really don’t understand that if an argument is so bad and you’re told in an abusive manner to leave some posters are saying the man should have refused to do so and stayed and forced his presence on the op becayse she’s pregnant and refused to respect her wishes.

Of course he should have left.

I really don't understand how a man could leave his heavily pregnant wife who has just been told she has preeclampsia, alone with young children.

If the worst happened while he's away, do you think he'll just say 'she was annoyed because I refused to cook or clean and told me to leave, so it's not my fault something bad happened' and everyone would say 'yeah, fair enough'.

I don't think so.

Your Mother will be more use than him. You can't trust him to care for you fully, or his children. He's running back because you had an alternative. If you didn't he'd have probably stayed put and watched you suffer. The resentment over driving you to hospital and not doing the essential shopping shows that.

If the worst happened while he's away, do you think he'll just say 'she was annoyed because I refused to cook or clean and told me to leave, so it's not my fault something bad happened' and everyone would say 'yeah, fair enough'.

Of course it wouldn't be his fault if something bad happened. OP is a grown woman and responsible for her own health.

I'm also pretty sure her midwife would take a dim view of her not eating because she was waiting for her waste of space OH to buy in food. What's stopping her making an online food shop or buying a takeaway? Unless there's some massive backstory and he doesn't allow her access to money, in which case they have bigger problems than him not washing up.

I really don't get this. She said he was stressing her out and told him to leave. He left. If he'd stayed he'd have been in the wrong and leaving he was also in the wrong. Wtaf.

When I was pregnant with my kids, I didn't sit around hungry waiting for someone to feed me (or them), and if I was concerned about my health or that of my baby I was the one calling the hospital and dealing with it not expecting someone else to do it. Because I'm a grown woman. And my pregnancies weren't a walk in the park, I had existing conditions that were made worse and other issues too. It also didn't prevent me from ordering a takeaway if I couldn't walk to the shop.

OP please talk to him and both be honest with each other. As
Afterdinnerchocs stated your condition is serious you really need him to step up and you need to seriously look after yourself Hope you get things sorted out positively

He sounds like a prince. I wouldn’t leave anyone who’s vulnerable like you, whatever they shouted at me. I’d be throwing this one back, he wouldn’t get a second chance with me. When you’re at your worst, you soon find out who’s at your side. There are no excuses for his behaviour or attitude if you have healthy standards and boundaries
I hope you’re ok op, please surround yourself with friends and family, so you have a support system after birth

@VampireMoney

So he has no responsibilities towards his wife or children?

Leaving a woman with pre-eclampsia alone is dangerous for both her and the kids (existing and unborn). It's not just about ordering a takeaway.

He has responsibility towards his children. His wife is a grown woman and responsible for herself.

Of course it's not about ordering a takeaway, but when OP posts about sitting there hungry with no food in the house it is absolutely as much her responsibility to feed herself and her children as it is his. And she clearly knows he's useless and unreliable so that's all the more reason to make sure she takes care of her own needs and those of her children. Him being useless isn't an excuse.

And I have upmost sympathy for OP btw, it's a horrible situation and she doesn't deserve all this stress. But not eating because he hasn't bought any food in is just silly.

Given that the OP is ill and upset, some of the posts on here are really nasty.

OP is ill and has said that she can't drive. Therefore she can't haul herself off to the shops with her kids in tow. She was expecting/waiting/hoping her DH would come back (he didnt say when he was coming back either) with some shopping.
He didn't. That is not her fault. We don't know why she doesn't do online shopping.. maybe she doesn't have enough money to do it or would be told off for ordering Uber Eats for herself and the kids. Maybe he insists on doing the shopping. We don't know.
She gave that as an example of why she was asking him to help out more.
He clearly didn't agree and its on a par with him complaining about having to drive her to hospital when she was sick.

OP deal with one thing at a time, you need kind and reliable help now, please get your mum or a friend to help you out as you are so ill. I hope you do and that things go well. Just get any help you can now with the kids and with hospital and cross the other bridges when you get to it. Wishing you the very best of luck.

Hi Neverending Washing

Preeclampsia! This is urgent!

Please get your mother to come and help you immediately.

Then whatever kind of a shitstorm your husband is creating for you can be dealt with after the birth. Which I hope will be a safe one.

Please ignore all the idiots (and yes, I do mean idiots) who've suggested it's okay for OH to leave just because you asked him to. Being pregnant is not a one-person enterprise, but the hormones generally hit the woman and the man generally knows it's his job to negotiate a path between them. If he left but was providing everything OP needed, then fair enough. But that would include someone being with her all the time. If he doesn't understand the meaning of preeclampsia he needs to be told. If any of the aforementioned idiots don't understand, then google it!

OP, please don't wait a moment longer.

Are you sure he's a skiver? After you ordered him out of the family home, he came back to make sure the kids were at school.

@Liamgallaghersparka

Ffs, the poor woman is alone with her children, 39 weeks pregnant with pre eclampsia, the selfish cunt shouldn't need to be told to return.

And what about if He wouldn't of left when she ordered him out of the house . Ether way he couldn't win

@rwalker yes he could! He could have apologised profusely for upsetting his heavily pregnant wife, promised to change, and sorted everything out so she calmed down and changed her mind.

Or he could have left and then brought her mum round to help, gone out and done a food shop and made sure everything was sorted without him being present.

Let’s not pretend this is some well-meaning man abiding by his wife’s wishes. This is a lazy, crap man-child who goaded his ill pregnant wife into asking him to leave in exasperation so that he could bugger off and escape all parental responsibilities without feeling guilty. Crap excuse for a man.

Women who are sticking up for him on this thread - raise your standards!

If anything bad should happen to OP because she’s been left alone, this is now entirely on her OH’s head. Hope he can live with that guilt. (And obviously sincerely hope nothing bad does happen and OP’s mum arrives soon).

Get your mum to come down. Tell him he chose to leave so he has left. Can't be doing with these arrogant that's on their little power trips. Has he any idea how dangerous pre-eclampsia actually is for you and baby?

Tell him you will see him once you are home from hospital and sorted out. Then once you are strong enough get rid.

@NancyDrooo

I don’t understand why you’re sitting in a house with no food in the cupboards, waiting for him to mention dinner because you “haven’t eaten all day”. Seriously?

Why are you going without food all day?
When did he get so useless?
Can you get a supermarket delivery? Ubereats (and other similar apps) does supermarket deliveries within minutes.
Could someone else take you shopping?

Seems like you’re repeatedly testing him (and he’s repeatedly failing), but seriously, at least take control of the food situation, for your kids’ sake if nothing else.

This.

He’s checked out of family life and has shown you that you can’t rely on him to do anything so you need to assume you’re a single parent and start making your own plans / getting food in etc.