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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's being unreasonable here?

230 replies

Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 17:53

My DD just told me her best friends are having a birthday party this Friday. They literally live next door to her dad's. I had already arranged to be at a dinner party, I rarely go out, and really need to make local friends. To collect her (and back) is a 1hr trip. DH could get her, but we have a 2yo that he'd have to take with him (plus maybe his DD 9). I've told my DD she can stay till 6 (unless her dad can help). But she's not happy with that. Or we disturb the 2yo (which could be OK, but again it's a bit of a mega silly driving around because DH has to collect his DC from across the road from where he would need to collect my DD literally 2hrs after he's been there...) And I do need him to come and get the 2yo because otherwise I can't go out for the evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 17:55

Babysitter doesn't do Fridays! (Thought it was worth adding).

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Laptopsandmouses · 30/03/2022 17:58

He can take the kids and go get her, what’s the big deal?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 18:00

@Laptopsandmouses

He can take the kids and go get her, what’s the big deal?
I would say the round trip? They'd only be home for around 1 hour by the time they'd have to leave again (which is pretty much the same place he picked up his DC 2.5 hrs before). Just seems like a lot of unnecessary trips. Which I have to do the next day because she has another sleepover/party.
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MichelleScarn · 30/03/2022 18:00

Why can't dh go? Don't get the issue that he'd have the other children with him. Is it because she's not his? Am assuming he'll be looking after her when you're out?

katicomps · 30/03/2022 18:01

I wouldn't troupe the kids out of bed if I was picking up a child from next door. Can there not be a phone call arranged for when she's ready to leave so he can just watch her from the door/drive end.
How close is "literally live next door to her dad's"

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 18:03

@katicomps

I wouldn't troupe the kids out of bed if I was picking up a child from next door. Can there not be a phone call arranged for when she's ready to leave so he can just watch her from the door/drive end. How close is "literally live next door to her dad's"
That would be her dad, not my DH.
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LimeSegment · 30/03/2022 18:04

Where is he picking his dc up from? Can she stay at that place an extra two hours, or even one hour as a compromise? Obviously not if it's eg swimming lessons but if it's her mums place.

XmasElf10 · 30/03/2022 18:04

Why doesn’t her dad pick her up? She can stay at his overnight and you can pick her up tomorrow?

100Roses · 30/03/2022 18:04

How far away is it? Sounds fine to me especially as it’s a one-off, I’ve often had to cart the youngest out with me to collect the oldest from friends/clubs.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 18:05

They literally live next door, they even have a hole in the fence so they can go from one house to the other.

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mamaoffourdc · 30/03/2022 18:06

So why can't her dad have her?

AchillesPoirot · 30/03/2022 18:06

Why can’t her dad pick her up and she stay with him for the night?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 18:08

Because her dad has said he might be busy.

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funinthesun19 · 30/03/2022 18:08

If a parent lives right next door, and in this case her dad does, then he should be the one getting her. Your 2 yo shouldn’t be dragged out of bed when her older DD’s dad can get her.

Blueroses99 · 30/03/2022 18:08

I think DH is not the Dad and it’s the Dad that is refusing to accommodate the party even though he is next door, so it’s inconveniencing everyone else.

funinthesun19 · 30/03/2022 18:08

Although if her dad is busy and it’s not his night to have her then I don’t know.

Choice4567 · 30/03/2022 18:08

So why can’t dad help?

AchillesPoirot · 30/03/2022 18:10

Well why can’t you rearrange your dinner party then for a night you don’t have her?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 18:10

@Blueroses99

I think DH is not the Dad and it’s the Dad that is refusing to accommodate the party even though he is next door, so it’s inconveniencing everyone else.
Yes, basically!
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gobbynorthernbird · 30/03/2022 18:11

YABU for not making it clear in the opening post that her dad was refusing to have her.

AchillesPoirot · 30/03/2022 18:11

Hold on.
How often does the dad have your DD?

Is it EOW and a Wednesday?

I mean. If he has her EOW it’s not unreasonable for him to have plans for a weekend he doesn’t have her.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 18:12

@AchillesPoirot

Well why can’t you rearrange your dinner party then for a night you don’t have her?
Because I organised it many weeks ago! And it was the earliest everybody was available.
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underneaththeash · 30/03/2022 18:13

Couldn't you just ask one of her other friend's parents to drop her off?

AchillesPoirot · 30/03/2022 18:14

But did you organise it for a weekend you knew you’d have responsibility for your dd?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 18:15

I have her every Friday (and EO S+S) it's 50/50

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