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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's being unreasonable here?

230 replies

Onlyrainbows · 30/03/2022 17:53

My DD just told me her best friends are having a birthday party this Friday. They literally live next door to her dad's. I had already arranged to be at a dinner party, I rarely go out, and really need to make local friends. To collect her (and back) is a 1hr trip. DH could get her, but we have a 2yo that he'd have to take with him (plus maybe his DD 9). I've told my DD she can stay till 6 (unless her dad can help). But she's not happy with that. Or we disturb the 2yo (which could be OK, but again it's a bit of a mega silly driving around because DH has to collect his DC from across the road from where he would need to collect my DD literally 2hrs after he's been there...) And I do need him to come and get the 2yo because otherwise I can't go out for the evening.

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 12:07

He wouldn’t need to stop the car if he went to a drive through McDonald’s or similar and did a movie on an iPad while he waited.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 31/03/2022 12:07

@AchillesPoirot

You literally said

“She'd had to sleep at one of the other friends' houses who I believe are boys.”

That’s a direct quote. So - she had had to sleep at one of the other friends’ houses who I believe are boys.

It has already happened. (By the tense of the sentence I quoted directly)

That was supposed to be a "she would have to" - possibly auto correct typo
OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 12:09

At least now do you understand why I was confused? Your sentence said something different to what you were asserting.

And you still haven’t answered how you only believe that her friends are boys? Don’t you know?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 31/03/2022 12:11

@AchillesPoirot

He wouldn’t need to stop the car if he went to a drive through McDonald’s or similar and did a movie on an iPad while he waited.
So keep a car going for one hour??
OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 12:11

Why not?

AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 12:12

I mean. Don’t you ever drive you car for more than an hour?

AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 12:12

*your car

Runnerduck34 · 31/03/2022 12:13

" because he might be busy"
Well he's a shit dad then isn't he!

I feel for your DD , I would put pressure on her dad to do it but I would try and facilitate it as much as possible. Could she stay the night at BFs and be picked up the next day?

NdefH81 · 31/03/2022 12:16

The time and effort you have invested in thinking about this but ultimately achieve nothing is shocking

AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 12:19

I don’t understand why you are so paralysed by this simple decision yet supposedly have a responsible job.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 31/03/2022 12:25

@AchillesPoirot

I don’t understand why you are so paralysed by this simple decision yet supposedly have a responsible job.
I'm actually not paralysed. I just a) feel bad about having to tell my DD that it was a compromise or nothing b) still hoping her dad can help. But it is what it is.
OP posts:
Miraloma · 31/03/2022 12:29

@Cocomarine I didn't have time to add an iPad, some jump leads and a latchkey 👀

NdefH81 · 31/03/2022 12:32

Op
I thought our name rang a bell

Thread after thread of asking if you are aibu to do, to do that, to complain, to cry

It’s endless

This is the issue
Not the party

HoppingPavlova · 31/03/2022 12:33

So keep a car going for one hour??

Yes, people often drive for many hours at a time. You just make sure there is enough fuel and go through an appropriate drive-thru.

9 pages in now on something that’s not even close to a decent logistical issue.

KatsuKatsu · 31/03/2022 12:35

I'm actually not paralysed. I just a) feel bad about having to tell my DD that it was a compromise or nothing b) still hoping her dad can help. But it is what it is.

Fair enough feel bad but that is the reality of the situation, compromise or nothing. And leave her dad out of it. It's not his time. So often mums complain dad is not doing "his time" so she's not getting a break. Well it works both ways.

KatsuKatsu · 31/03/2022 12:35

So keep a car going for one hour?? erm. Yes? Many people's daily commute.

aSofaNearYou · 31/03/2022 12:36

Well he's a shit dad then isn't he!

That isn't fair, it's not even his contact time, he's entitled to have plans.

KatsuKatsu · 31/03/2022 12:37

@aSofaNearYou

Well he's a shit dad then isn't he!

That isn't fair, it's not even his contact time, he's entitled to have plans.

Exactly. If the sexes were swapped people would be rushing to defend mum's "time off"
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 31/03/2022 12:40

@aSofaNearYou

Well he's a shit dad then isn't he!

That isn't fair, it's not even his contact time, he's entitled to have plans.

Yeah I agree it's not her dad's responsibility. He just messaged and was able to shuffle things around
OP posts:
KatsuKatsu · 31/03/2022 12:43

That's good news I hope you have offered to swap another day with him and have shown your gratitude.

aSofaNearYou · 31/03/2022 12:43

Yeah I agree it's not her dad's responsibility. He just messaged and was able to shuffle things around

That's great! Sounds like the perfect solution.

AllOfUsAreDead · 31/03/2022 12:43

Just give up on your social life @Onlyrainbows and sit in a dark room in despair all the time when you aren't chauffeuring children to a better social life than you'll ever have. Wallow in grief at your lost friendships and sulk forever at the fact you get no help ever.

Is that what you want to hear?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 31/03/2022 12:48

@KatsuKatsu

That's good news I hope you have offered to swap another day with him and have shown your gratitude.
I offered a bottle of tequila :)
OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 31/03/2022 12:48

@aSofaNearYou

Yeah I agree it's not her dad's responsibility. He just messaged and was able to shuffle things around

That's great! Sounds like the perfect solution.

Yes, it was from the get go. I'm actually quite pleased !!
OP posts:
Indicatrice · 31/03/2022 12:51

@KatsuKatsu

That's good news I hope you have offered to swap another day with him and have shown your gratitude.
Bit patronising.