AIBu to think kids can't be brave and strong anymore?

[vbnm89]

AIBuU to think that being brave and strong is now frowned upon?? I have noticed this generation of kids having very little resilience. My kids and their friends are always moaning they have something wrong or something hurts or they can't do something. If children fall over now you aren't allowed to say be brave and teaching them to be strong could be bad for their mental health. I only ever keep my kids off school for a temperature or being sick - I tell them to suck it up and get on with it - you can't just miss school every time something hurts.

When I was a teenager I wanted to be strong and tough but now it seems that you can't bring your children up to be strong as you may damage their mental health. Children seem to want to be weak and dependable on others rather than strong and independent. They don't seem to have any get up and go and if anything is a bit tough the mental health card is used to stop them having to do anything they can't or don 't like doing!!

Oh rubbish.

What they are allowed to do now is admit when they are struggling.

And I hate the phase 'mental health card' as it implies you think it is all made up. If you saw how debilitated my DD was/is maybe you'd have more empathy.

My kids a brave and strong. Not sure I've come across this or that we aren't meant to say that anymore?

The “be strong” message can be very damaging for individuals. It can mean that they don’t recognise when they are struggling, feel they need to take everything in their stride and just keep going no matter what. Resilience is about being able to move forward despite adversity, being strong often is translated into not recognising the impact of adversity and dealing with that. Being dependent doesn’t mean not being strong, it’s about recognising we all need help from time to time, knowing when we need to stop and care for ourselves, which we learn by being taken care of. I’d rather my child knew it was ok to react when hurt than to not ask for help when they needed it.

Different kind of brave and strong I think. Being brave enough to share your feelings. Being strong enough to say no when you aren’t coping.

I must be behind the times because I have never heard that bringing up your child to be strong is going to damage their mental health. My toddler has been through a lot of emotional trauma in their life which I acknowledge with cuddles and reassurance but if they fall down in the park for example, I encourage them to jump up and get on with it with a quick "Oh dear, never mind" (unless they have truly hurt themself of course).

This thread pops up every few weeks.

Kids today are the same as kids have ever been, no worse than previous generations. What there is nowadays is more open conversation about feelings, that doesn't mean they're not resilient.

The threads usually then descend into a hot mess of ableism with offensive posts about autism, ADHD, and mental health conditions.

Couldn’t disagree more. For one thing, they’ve all just been through the most appalling two years- closed schools, lockdowns, damage to education etc- none of us experienced that in our teens. The mental strength and resilience they’ve shown has been remarkable.

I honestly don’t recognise a single thing in your post. Who doesn’t want kids to be strong and resilient and brave?

You'd have to be a right dickhead to believe that having, or admitting to, a mental health condition means that someone isn't strong or tough. I have a mental health condition and judging from the way you're whining and moaning in your post, I'm a lot tougher than you are.

Go and have a cup of tea or something, ffs

At my nieces school they are not allowed to now use the word "brave" because they say it indicates that a child can't express their true feelings. I think just think this is taking away a child's resilience to everyday problems - obviously if they are really hurt that is totally different. She went for a blood test yesterday and she got a certificate for being brave and a sticker and she couldn't wait to show me how BRAVE she had been!! I just feel that resilience is being compromised in society today .

We now have learnt that we need to build resilience and that requires acknowledging the tough situations and challenges. What on earth could a child learn from "being brave" i.e. dont acknowledge pain? Look at the damage it has done to you - where is your empathy ? Mental health issues are thankfully widely acknowledged and help is available - no I wouldnt wish the past on anyone.

If you say so - it must be true

Sounds like something to do with one individual school rather than indicating an issue with an entire generation....

You seem to be equating bravery and strength with suppression of emotions. How odd.

This is bad, that is bad don’t you just get fed up reading & listening to absolute tosh, I was jumping off old buildings ,& canoeing with my mates as a kid if not that,it was 6 hours swimming can you imagine what would be said now. All they want is sympathy & nothing more than on a screen

And implying that bravery and strength are the cure-all for mental illness.

Mine is brave and resilient. She's a very independent and determined child, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a child crying if they hurt themselves or suffer a disappointment. I don't pander to her on those occasions, but I'll give her a cuddle and we'll talk about what's happened. Learning to mask feelings or being afraid to express yourself doesn't equal strength or resilience IMO.

This whole post is dripping with scorn. Just because it’s not the way you did it, doesn’t automatically mean it’s wrong. A child’s resilience is not built by someone saying ‘be brave’ or ‘suck it up’. Or by someone not allowing them to be sad about something. I personally think ‘I can see you are really upset about this, but let’s try again’ or ‘ouch that hurt, shall we take a moment before we carry on’ probably model resilience more than saying ‘be brave’ but hey ho, that’s just me.

“ My kids and their friends are always moaning they have something wrong or something hurts or they can't do something… I only ever keep my kids off school for a temperature or being sick - I tell them to suck it up and get on with it - you can't just miss school every time something hurts. ”

Why didn’t your strategy work then, OP?

You're very lucky your kids dont have a serious physical or mental health condition or learning disability, that keeps them off school, not every family is so fortunate. Yes some kids do sail through childhood, does this mean you're a better parent? It sounds as if you think you are.

I mean, if you’ve got it cracked in terms of building resilience, why are your children still moaning?

Well, my DC are a bit pathetic around pain and injuries, I agree. On the other hand, by that age my siblings and I had already done some seriously stupid and dangerous things and the fact that we're still alive is a minor miracle.

But I think resilience is something that is being actively encouraged. And improvements in resilience are noted and highly praised, which is great. Not sure if you are using resilience and bravery as two different things but to my mind they're linked - being able to get up and keep going in the face of adversity is both brave and a sign of resilience.

Also, I think people often refer to "children these days" and their memories so they look at 6 year olds and without realising it, are actually comparing these children to themselves when they were 10 or 15 or whatever. A 6 year old struggling with a sore throat or a cold is v different to an 11 year old's experience (or what I expect of them).

Oh, and here comes the ableism bullshit with references to labels and acronyms.

Your so lucky to be so ignorant.