Page 5 | AIBu to think kids can't be brave and strong anymore?

pucelleauxblanchesmains · 30/03/2022 23:14

@MrsPsmalls I mean these days it is illegal to explicitly discriminate on the grounds of disability. It wasn't in the past. That is just a fact. What it means in practice can vary - sure, you have to cope at work etc and employers often don't make that many accommodations - but, for example, it is immeasurably better to be disabled now than it was in the 60s.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 30/03/2022 23:19

Aibu to think adults can't be brave or strong anymore.

Some are and some aren't depending on life experiences.

A tad ridiculous to generalise all adults kids on your experience of kids.

ddl1 · 30/03/2022 23:23

@Ladywinesalot

Op you’re getting a rough ride here…

I agree with you, children now are very weak and don’t have much back bone to them.

They are anxious and stressed about everything!!

Being weak and a victim is now seen to be something to strive for.

Being anxious and stressed is nothing to do with lacking backbone.

And nobody strives to be weak or a victim. What is perhaps true is that weakness and strength are less gendered than in the past. In the past, girls were often expected to be weak and dependent, and boys to be strong and independent. Now it's more acceptable for both sexes to be sometimes one, sometimes the other,

EmeraldShamrock1 · 30/03/2022 23:37

Being weak and a victim is now seen to be something to strive for.
What a load of tosh.
Teenagers are under far more pressure these days than ever before.
Anxious DC have always been a part of every generation alongside the striving DC.
DC are probably more protected than they were in the past however given child sexual abuse was rampant across families and child friendly environments the safety precautions aren't a bad thing.
DC understand grooming unfortunately, social pressures, the constant news from covid and now war.
I grew up in the 80's NI was in crisis the news was shown at 6pm not constant streaming and discussions in school.

Calandor · 30/03/2022 23:38

So tell them to be courageous. Courage is doing something even when you find it scary or hard. Meaning it's OK to be afraid or feel frustrated, but overcoming it is admirable.

IGotAVaxAndILikedIt · 30/03/2022 23:44

My children are (like me) pragmatic.

Bad shit happens, you have to deal with it.

Thing is though, they don't have to deal with things alone do they? No-one should have to deal with stuff alone if they need help. The fact that some people do, doesn't make that right.

They are resilient and strong and ready to face the world and they also know that they can ask for help when they need it.

And thank fuck for that.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/03/2022 23:52

I think this is a very uninformed post.

Children do not become resilient by not having their emotional needs met, quite the opposite, actually.

I work in a healthcare area where I have regular experience of quite traumatic stuff - like all my colleagues I am very able to "dig deep and keep going" when I need to. But we all also access supervision, reflective practice and other settings to talk about hour feelings and experiences, and we do that because it helps us to stay resilient when it counts.

It is the same with dc. Meeting their needs, helping to co-regulate emotions and build string attachments and safe relationships, helps them to be resilient when they need to be.

BoredZelda · 31/03/2022 00:52

At my nieces school they are not allowed to now use the word "brave" because they say it indicates that a child can't express their true feelings. I think just think this is taking away a child's resilience to everyday problems

This is absolute tosh.

Morfil · 31/03/2022 02:39

I believe there is research (I do not know how robust) that does indeed suggest that children are less resilient today than in previous generations (although the differences aren’t that significant).

It strikes me as a mixed bag though - the ‘stiff upper lip’ approach breeds it’s own, special kind of harm.

RichTeaRichTea · 31/03/2022 05:43

@Morfil

I believe there is research (I do not know how robust) that does indeed suggest that children are less resilient today than in previous generations (although the differences aren’t that significant).

It strikes me as a mixed bag though - the ‘stiff upper lip’ approach breeds it’s own, special kind of harm.

My first question when I hear things like this is “what is the definition of resilience?” What does it look like, what measurable outcomes are we talking about?

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 31/03/2022 05:58

How old are your kids OP?

Meatshake · 31/03/2022 06:07

Being allowed to feel your feelings isn't a sign of not being resilient.

Feeling your feelings and then getting back up, brushing yourself off and trying again is basic emotional literacy.

As a child who experienced severe trauma in the 80s/90s, I was probably considered resilient. However it's a house of fucking cards and my life came crumbling down a couple of years ago and I've worked hard to rebuild.

From what I can gather, resilience of the archetypal 70s meaning tends to be a cobbled together hodge podge of unhealthy coping mechanisms. It mostly means "don't inconvenience me with your bullshit emotions".

I'm proud not to parent like that.

Kanaloa · 31/03/2022 06:15

@vbnm89

At my nieces school they are not allowed to now use the word "brave" because they say it indicates that a child can't express their true feelings. I think just think this is taking away a child's resilience to everyday problems - obviously if they are really hurt that is totally different. She went for a blood test yesterday and she got a certificate for being brave and a sticker and she couldn't wait to show me how BRAVE she had been!! I just feel that resilience is being compromised in society today .

But she was brave, wasn’t she? She got a blood test. Many adults dislike doing this.

And this is not some new fangled this generation nonsense. I remember as a child being given sweets at the hospital when I had to have tests because I was a ‘big girl.’ I was given packs of stickers to put on my bandages etc. That’s just normal.

But congratulations for telling your kids to suck it up when they say they’re unwell because only vomiting or a temperature is worthy of being unwell.

Kanaloa · 31/03/2022 06:17

Although to me resilience is being able to deal with the thing that’s worrying you and move on. Of course you can tell your child to shut up and suck it up when they have a blood test, but you can instead give them a sticker and tell them they’re brave. Both kids have had to be resilient in learning to have a blood test, but I can wager which one will feel sad and worried and which will feel proud and happy. And the proud happy one will associate that with blood tests and feel less worried in the future. Result, resilience.

WetLookKnitwear · 31/03/2022 06:35

I think every generation likes to flatter themselves a bit by saying they’re the last ones with a backbone!

Sirzy · 31/03/2022 06:46

Ds is possibly the bravest, strongest, young person I know. Like too many young people he has been through more than someone should have been at his age. He also has diagnosed anxiety that doesn’t make him weak on not resilient.

We put so much pressure on young people to be a certain way rather than just being themselves.

RichTeaRichTea · 31/03/2022 07:05

@WetLookKnitwear

I think every generation likes to flatter themselves a bit by saying they’re the last ones with a backbone!

Yes!

LndnGrl · 31/03/2022 07:18

@vbnm89

AIBuU to think that being brave and strong is now frowned upon?? I have noticed this generation of kids having very little resilience. My kids and their friends are always moaning they have something wrong or something hurts or they can't do something. If children fall over now you aren't allowed to say be brave and teaching them to be strong could be bad for their mental health. I only ever keep my kids off school for a temperature or being sick - I tell them to suck it up and get on with it - you can't just miss school every time something hurts.

When I was a teenager I wanted to be strong and tough but now it seems that you can't bring your children up to be strong as you may damage their mental health. Children seem to want to be weak and dependable on others rather than strong and independent. They don't seem to have any get up and go and if anything is a bit tough the mental health card is used to stop them having to do anything they can't or don 't like doing!!

Yanbu, and people should look at which generation had the worst mental health. I don't think modern parenting techniques are doing kids any favours at all.

ConfusedByDesign · 31/03/2022 07:28

As a parent, it’s up to you how you parent and encourage your kids to be brave and strong.
I live in London and it’s tough out there for our kids and they have to be brave and strong.
I agree that they should have their needs met but they shouldn’t need to dwell on minor issues. Issues that should be brushed off and then you just get on with your life otherwise they’ll fall apart when more serious things happen.

Pugsley87 · 31/03/2022 07:29

No I'll

ldontWanna · 31/03/2022 07:32

Yanbu, and people should look at which generation had the worst mental health. I don't think modern parenting techniques are doing kids any favours at all.

They should also look at suicide rates, drug use, alcoholism, domestic violence stats and all the other unhealthy coping mechanism the previous generation with "less" mental health issues had.

RichTeaRichTea · 31/03/2022 07:40

“ which generation had the worst mental health”

Which generation is that? By what measurement?

CheshireChat · 31/03/2022 07:50

@JesusInTheCabbageVan I think I love you and I'm saving that post.

I'm really starting to hate the word resilience as I mostly see it thrown at people who have suffered something usually horrible and it makes others feel bad to think of it.

ShowOfHands · 31/03/2022 09:04

My mate Sylv is 96 and says that every generation fancies itself as the last great bastion against something and she says she's lived long enough to see the truth of it ie every generation segues into middle and old age and with that there's often an encroaching bitterness. It becomes too easy to then romanticise the past when actually, humans are a constant. She says there wasn't a generation of young men marching bravely off to war with valour in their hearts. She said - and I quote - they were piss your pants scared and we all snivelled and cried.

My granny was a Victorian and hated the rhetoric of strong miners and men being men. She said men were no better than ponies in the eyes of the people who made decisions and they were as flawed as ever.

And "they're not allowed to be brave" is one Daily Mail step away from "they're not allowed to sing baa baa black sheep".

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 31/03/2022 09:07

@CheshireChat thank you! Completely agree with you, too.