Having grown up in a family where one parent would regularly ‘hit the roof’ and have a very rigid assumption as to who could do what and when and how, I have instilled an ‘all-comers welcome’ attitude throughout my kid’s lives, into their adulthoods.
As a consequence, I have great relationships with both kids (now 25 and nearly 30), and their partners (both present and throughout their lives).
Your children are adults. Quite why you need to exert control and ‘hit the roof’ (shouting? Stamping your feet? Bawling until you get your way? What? Because I can classify any one of these as ‘hit the roof’ territory from experience) is beyond the realms of credibility as a parent.
Angry parents who try to exert control by being out of control themselves do nothing but create fear in your children, whatever their age. Fear does not lay the foundations for healthy relationships with your adult kids or their partners.
It doesn’t matter if your son’s new girlfriend is for a week, a month or forever. For now, they are someone important to your son. And someone your son wants to introduce to you. I have a landmark birthday this year and I’d want my kid’s partners (they’re in long term relationships, but even if it was a new partner of either one) to share in my celebration as part of my family, by virtue of being important in my children’s life.
If this is about being strapped financially, I can fully understand that. However surely you’d just discuss that with your son as adults? Or (as I have the feeling in 99 out of 100 AIBU topics) is communication dead or a dying art?
I’d be more concerned as to why your son is finding holding down a job difficult? I know from bitter experience living in a house where fear rules the roost underpins my own depression; maybe your son’s new girlfriend will be the catalyst in helping him to achieve his goals? Maybe he feels, by being unwelcoming to his girlfriend, you are unwelcoming to him too?
Perhaps the hardline ‘nuclear family’ edicts & hitting the roof are preventing him from spreading his wings with confidence as I fear he can’t do right for doing wrong against the backdrop of a sister at Uni who you’re falling over yourself to parachute in for a birthday meal but not seeing him as worthy enough that he can introduce someone important in his life to you?