Washing my horse

[Pimpmypony]

I have a horse I hate grooming, especially when he's muddy. A friend has a mobile horse washing business and does the equivalent of dog grooming for horses. I booked her to come and wash my boy, and DH has thrown an absolute fit at the waste of money, claiming that because I "don't work", (I am SAHM) it's not for me to waste money on "frivolities".

FWIW, it has led to a row between DH and I, because he has told me that the allowance he gives me is not to be wasted on stuff I can do myself. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not - I don't consider it any different to paying a dog groomer or a cleaner to provide a service. DH says that it's a total piss take and waste of his money.

I gave up my job to support his career, as he works long hours, hence being a SAHM. My horse is my only hobby/indulgence. Who is right here?

I love the thought of someone having a horse washing business - that's hilarious

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You are, your allowance is your money to spend as you see fit.

I think you get to spend your money on whatever you want, its a shame he even has to know about it, it should be shared money

he has told me that the allowance he gives me is not to be wasted on stuff I can do myself

Wow. Where to start....?

@speakout

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Right?!

@zafferana

I love the thought of someone having a horse washing business - that's hilarious

Wait until you hear about mobile sheath cleaners. :D

What's so weird about washing a horse, is it cos you consider it posh? It's no different to washing a 4 x 4 in that case

You don't sound much of a horse lover.
Grooming animals can be a good part of bonding with an animal- you seem to want all the fun parts without concern for the horse.

I would go to work and earn my own money then get him to pay towards childcare

How much is it to wash a horse? I’m intrigued now.

I suppose he doesn't want to get saddled with the bill, so he's asking you to rein it in?

I'll get my coat.......

Has DH got a long face over it?

@speakout

You don't sound much of a horse lover. Grooming animals can be a good part of bonding with an animal- you seem to want all the fun parts without concern for the horse.

Or maybe the OP has limited time and would rather spend it on other activities, like riding. The question here isn't that the OP wants to neglect grooming altogether, it's that she is willing to pay for someone else to do it. As this is a service included with the livery at many yards, I don't see the issue.

Are you going to get the horse washed every day? Because my lot would look lovely and clean until they went out, then come in again plastered in mud, twigs, leaves etc.
I do get it - one of mine is a Gypsy Cob with lots of feather, the thickest tail I've ever seen which drags on the floor, and around 3 foot of mainly white mane - but honestly, unless it was for a show I wouldn't waste my money!

I can't imagine being in a relationship where I receive an "allowance" from my partner.

Why don't you have equal access to the family money?

How's the family budget?

If things are stretched with you as a SAHM and he feels financially pressured as the wage earner, I can imagine feeling pissed off if you are paying out for a luxurious service that you have plenty of time to do. But then I would be equally annoyed if DH became a SAHP and expected me to pay for a cleaner. To me being a SAHP doesnt getting 8 hours of leisure funded by your partner, it means doing work but in the home/supporting the family.

It's either your money to decide what to do with it or it's not 🤷‍♀️
Does he also object to hair appointments/grooming/dentist for you ???

I guess it depends on how much you have as a family. If he earns pots of money (which I guess he must) if you can afford to keep a horse, then it seems a bit mean to be making a fuss on you essentially booking the equivalent of a hair cut cost wise.
I suppose though fundamentally it comes down to how you both see your roles. Could you work? You say he works long hours but does this mean that you couldn't work during the day or part time? Has this always been the case? If your children are now independent, has your role changed?
Likewise, should his? Should he be picking up more chores when he is at home?

I have a horse I hate grooming

YABU for just this. Nothing to do with how much money you don't earn. It is lazy and bad for your horse to keep on washing it. If your horse is turned out with rugs and/or stabled, grooming is a really important thing for its health, and skin health.

Constant washing will damage & hurt a horse's skin, especially if its thoroughbred or part-TB.

But a horse is a massive frivolity, surely? I recently lost mine and his costs are going to cover the excess energy bills. They’re very expensive to keep.

I can’t imagine you will use the service much? Mine would regularly go out and be filthy within minutes. I certainly wouldn’t wash him daily and unless you have a solarium to dry him, I don’t think washing is a great idea in these temperatures (assuming you’re in the U.K.). Saying that, your ‘allowance’ is surely for you to use as you like?

Depends on the household finances generally I would say. If money's tight across the board I can understand his POV.

gwenneh

Ok - I am not a horsewoman- but I imagined grooming and caring for a horse was important .

I don't move in these worlds!!

I'd wait a few more weeks if I was you due to the cold and wet coming (misses the point of the thread completely).

the allowance he gives me is not to be wasted on stuff I can do myself.

I can't imagine having an "allowance" as a grown woman.