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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Washing my horse

164 replies

Pimpmypony · 29/03/2022 18:03

I have a horse I hate grooming, especially when he's muddy. A friend has a mobile horse washing business and does the equivalent of dog grooming for horses. I booked her to come and wash my boy, and DH has thrown an absolute fit at the waste of money, claiming that because I "don't work", (I am SAHM) it's not for me to waste money on "frivolities".

FWIW, it has led to a row between DH and I, because he has told me that the allowance he gives me is not to be wasted on stuff I can do myself. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not - I don't consider it any different to paying a dog groomer or a cleaner to provide a service. DH says that it's a total piss take and waste of his money.

I gave up my job to support his career, as he works long hours, hence being a SAHM. My horse is my only hobby/indulgence. Who is right here?

OP posts:
gwenneh · 29/03/2022 19:24

But horse washing? That is just lazy. You hate grooming, so what do you do if you want to ride? Leave him dirty? confused You'd need your friend round every day you want to ride really if you can't be bothered doing it.

Presumably the OP grooms if they want to ride. The OP didn't say that they were hiring a groom full time, just that they were hiring a friend for a one off bathing service.
You don't give a full bath every time you ride, and certainly not before riding -- washing down is done after.

AllOfUsAreDead · 29/03/2022 19:25

@gwenneh

But horse washing? That is just lazy. You hate grooming, so what do you do if you want to ride? Leave him dirty? confused You'd need your friend round every day you want to ride really if you can't be bothered doing it.

Presumably the OP grooms if they want to ride. The OP didn't say that they were hiring a groom full time, just that they were hiring a friend for a one off bathing service.
You don't give a full bath every time you ride, and certainly not before riding -- washing down is done after.

You'd hope so, but honestly with some horse owners, nothing would surprise me anymore.
Mossstitch · 29/03/2022 19:26

@BakedTattie I'm frightened to Google........ But just to clarify we are still talking horses are we? 🤔

gwenneh · 29/03/2022 19:27

You'd hope so, but honestly with some horse owners, nothing would surprise me anymore.

Fair.

Gowithme · 29/03/2022 19:27

You OH gives you an allowance and then tells you how you can spend it - are you 5?

Tell him it's ok because it's NOT his money - it's both of your money when it goes in the bank and once he gives it to you then it's just your money.

PragmaticWench · 29/03/2022 19:27

his money.

Fucking hell, he sees you as a dependent, not a partner.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 29/03/2022 19:28

I'm a horse owner and think you are bonkers. It seems a massive waste of money.

I have been on yards where grooming, bathing, plaiting etc were optional services and they were almost never used. Only on super special occasions when a high quality turnout was required and the owner couldn't do it themselves.

However having thought about it more it really isn't any different to paying for other services. I hate mucking out so I pay for it to be done. I wouldn't pay for grooming because I find it an enjoyable part of spending quality time with my horse. So I guess whatever you prefer.

However horses are a massively expensive hobby and I can well understand a spouse getting resentful of the money and time involved even if they aren't paying all the bills so I have some sympathy with your DH.

CoralDaffodil · 29/03/2022 19:28

I think it depends on house hold finances… but honestly if you’re a SAHM I would say you need to wash the horse yourself… they need grooming and it’s part of owning a horse…

newbiename · 29/03/2022 19:29

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

I would go to work and earn my own money then get him to pay towards childcare
Same
whymewhyme · 29/03/2022 19:31

I was born into a horse living familly, had horses all my life and in my nearly 40 yrs on this planet i have never heard of a horse washing business. 😳 lol
Seriously get the bush on your horse and wash it when it's warm enough. I agree with your DP on this one.

newbiename · 29/03/2022 19:32

@CoralDaffodil

I think it depends on house hold finances… but honestly if you’re a SAHM I would say you need to wash the horse yourself… they need grooming and it’s part of owning a horse…
Household finances can't be that stretched if they can afford a horse.
whymewhyme · 29/03/2022 19:32

Also by the time its turned out it will get muddy again the weather not been good enough to dry the fields out.

TheAbbotOfUnreason · 29/03/2022 19:33

I’m guessing OP hasn’t returned to their thread because they’re sitting on a sofa with a large G&T enjoying the responses out spending quality time with their mud caked horse?

newbiename · 29/03/2022 19:33

OP you don't have a job. You have a horse which many people can only dream of.
Get a grip.
Unless you have 10 kids ??

newbiename · 29/03/2022 19:33

Actually this has to be fake

Squeekyturtle · 29/03/2022 19:33

But please do let us know the response if you do take a pp's advice and contact woman's aid to complain that your husband won't pay for your horse to be washed 🙄

Christienne · 29/03/2022 19:38

Interesting first post OP…

Electriq · 29/03/2022 19:40

@BakedTattie oh its the worst!

You think your finally out of winter and bam..

Sheath clean!! That I'd pay for 😂

Whitegrenache · 29/03/2022 19:44

@Electriq

Any true horse owner would know that a bath is not going to stop a horse needing grooming, plus you wouldn't do it yet because fields are still full of mud.
I have 2 horses and my fields are absolutely not muddy after the beautiful weather we have had.

Paying someone to wash your horse seems an absolute waste of money and to be frank - lazy! Just stick
A bloody hose pipe on your horse or use a bucket and a sponge.

I can totally understand your dp thinking this is frivolous to be fair! I work full
Time, and manage to fully care for my 2 horses everyday without having to pay anyone!

Giraffesandbottoms · 29/03/2022 19:46

I’m so sick of owners who don’t groom/clean/look after their horses properly. The amount of owners who come onto a yard, saddle up and go for a ride without bothering with the care side. It’s just using the horse and totally one sided - if you don’t have time and can’t be bothered to clean their dock or look after them then ffs don’t have a horse.

comfortablyfrumpy · 29/03/2022 19:47

YABU but only because there's no point, your horse will cover itself in mud within 5 minutes of being turned out again. Guaranteed.

LndnGrl · 29/03/2022 19:49

@Pimpmypony

I have a horse I hate grooming, especially when he's muddy. A friend has a mobile horse washing business and does the equivalent of dog grooming for horses. I booked her to come and wash my boy, and DH has thrown an absolute fit at the waste of money, claiming that because I "don't work", (I am SAHM) it's not for me to waste money on "frivolities".

FWIW, it has led to a row between DH and I, because he has told me that the allowance he gives me is not to be wasted on stuff I can do myself. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not - I don't consider it any different to paying a dog groomer or a cleaner to provide a service. DH says that it's a total piss take and waste of his money.

I gave up my job to support his career, as he works long hours, hence being a SAHM. My horse is my only hobby/indulgence. Who is right here?

He is. Yabu.
RonSwansonsChair · 29/03/2022 19:52

You could go all out on the "not spending money on things you can do yourself"
• don't go to hairdressers and ask DH doors he like your grey, straggly hair?
• cancel the cleaner and clean the house yourself (here in assuming you have one!), but it's so hard to keep up isn't it?? So the bathroom will have to stay dirty for another couple of days
• wash your car and his car, but who knew you were supposed to use clean water??? Where did all those streaks come from?

Anyway, in reality you need to tell him it's not an "allowance", it's your money to do with what you want. 🐎 🐴 🎠 🏇

speakout · 29/03/2022 19:57

Giraffesandbottoms Tue 29-Mar-22 19:46:12
I’m so sick of owners who don’t groom/clean/look after their horses properly. The amount of owners who come onto a yard, saddle up and go for a ride without bothering with the care side. It’s just using the horse and totally one sided - if you don’t have time and can’t be bothered to clean their dock or look after them then ffs don’t have a horse.

Well said. Animals are not toys.

RedScarfJamjar · 29/03/2022 20:04

To be fair to SAHM's generally (horse wash notwithstanding), I hire domestic staff for people, and a full time: Nanny/Driver/Housekeeper/cook/Domestic runs into ten of thousands. I know housekeepers on 40k, because the people who hire them respect and value what they do.

Just go on The Lady jobs board, huge salaries for people who will take on the domestic load, I don't know how much a horse wash costs, but if you're performing duties that would cost close to 100k to outsource then wash your damned horse (unless it costs 100k).